![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Looney Tunes on August 12, 2008, at 22:56:59
Anyone sit in silence with T for entire sessions?I do and I am so beginning to realize that I am doing this as a "f*ck you" response. But the truth is I am just sc*ewing myself because I am wasting my money.
But I love it. I feel so in control. And T lets it happen. I have only been with new T for about 2 months, but I have sat in silence for at least a month worth of sessions.
Comments?
Posted by raisinb on August 12, 2008, at 23:09:25
In reply to Sitting in Silence...watching my money disappear, posted by Looney Tunes on August 12, 2008, at 22:56:59
I can't believe your therapist hasn't caved. Mine always breaks the silences with questions, prodding, etc. Once I tried--not total silence--but refusing to talk about anything important (it was a f**ck you response) and boy, did it get a rise out of her. She actually yelled at me one day. I seriously doubt she'd be able to sit in silence for an entire session.
I think I'd get more p.o'd if a therapist *let* me just sit there in silence. As a matter of fact, I'd walk out (but I am not the model of healthy client behavior :)).
Posted by healing928 on August 12, 2008, at 23:21:07
In reply to Re: Sitting in Silence...watching my money disappe » Looney Tunes, posted by raisinb on August 12, 2008, at 23:09:25
I don't have much silence with my current t. Todays session I wan in a bad place when I started and he picked up on that so he asked probing questions. He started out with "what is on your mind today." Oh boy, and I think he knows that bothers me. I would have gotten totally infuriated if he just sat in silence with me. I have been through that with a t, and felt like there wasn't much of a connection, and I think it puts a strain on the therapeutic relationship.
Posted by Daisym on August 12, 2008, at 23:43:53
In reply to Re: Sitting in Silence...watching my money disappe, posted by healing928 on August 12, 2008, at 23:21:07
If you feel totally in control, then perhaps you need to do this in order to feel safe with this new therapist. Verbal communication is only about 10% of what is happening between two people. There are probably many things happening as you sit there.
And your therapist is letting you lead - which is a real skill, especially in a new relationship. If you were getting upset, or frustrated, then I'd expect the therapist to try to break the impass. But if you sit there, fairly composed, then the ball is in your court. I guess your therapist is probably letting you decide how best to use your sessions. You are getting something out of this - and when you aren't, you'll either stop going or start talking.
Silence is hard for me - it feels threatening most of the time. But more and more I'm finding that I can just "be" in therapy in the silence, and there is this shared space and sense of understanding. Sometimes I really need that.
Posted by Nadezda on August 12, 2008, at 23:58:31
In reply to Sitting in Silence...watching my money disappear, posted by Looney Tunes on August 12, 2008, at 22:56:59
Have you found it helpful so far?
Nadezda
Posted by rskontos on August 13, 2008, at 12:47:01
In reply to Sitting in Silence...watching my money disappear, posted by Looney Tunes on August 12, 2008, at 22:56:59
Well, I must admit I hate the silences and I fill them with mindless babble. And then I get mad at myself for that. Because that too is a waste of time and money. The last time it happened I emailed my t and told him I wasn't coming anymore. Because I wound up crying instead of getting mad because I am unable to tell him how I really feel. And of course he did not let that slide. He countered all my arguments even the best one that my insurance ran out and I haven't any funds. So I went, and it was a scary session as I was starting to disconnect from my body and dissociate. So I don't think I can handle silence or babble. Both of which can be f*ck you responses. or avoidance responses as least for me.
rsk
Posted by sunnydays on August 14, 2008, at 12:32:27
In reply to Sitting in Silence...watching my money disappear, posted by Looney Tunes on August 12, 2008, at 22:56:59
My T would ask me lots of questions to try to find something I felt comfortable talking about. There was a lot of silence when I first started t, though. It wasn't so much for me about 'f you" but more that I didn't feel comfortable and safe anywhere in my life at that time, and so why I would I trust this stranger sitting there? I would encourage you to talk to your t about why you are silent and the feeling of control - it sounds important. My T would always ask me why I was quiet, or remark that it still felt a lot like question and answer and that helped. At least I could talk about being quiet (although most of the time I think I just said I didn't know). As I have trusted more, the silences are less frequent, so he ALWAYS comments on them as they usually mean I'm having some strong emotion.
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2008, at 12:32:11
In reply to Re: Sitting in Silence...watching my money disappear » Looney Tunes, posted by sunnydays on August 14, 2008, at 12:32:27
When I was seeing one she always said as I talked and talked that I evaded her questions and changed the topic. But my mind would think of something didn't want to forget and so I'd say it and then get criticised. Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.