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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 13:03:21
It's been a month now since my last appointment with my T. I've been so bugged to let her know exactly how I feel because somehow I didn't think she was getting it. I came across a copy of a long post I had written here in April so I thought, what the heck, I'll make a copy and send it to her along with some thoughts and feelings that I have right now.
I wrote it out, re-read it till it was boring and I sent it today!!! I'm sure she will be mad at me for contacting her, but what can she do, the relationship has already been severed!!! She can't terminate me, I think I've pretty much taken care of that.
I told her I didn't plan on contacting her again and if she agreed to let 11 years of hard work end like this to go ahead and let it go. I told her to feel free to contact me but if I never hear back from her, then I'll assume our work is done. I told her I never dreamed my therapy would end like this. More like a last session of celebration of success and hard work and maybe a hug at the end to symbolize the connection we shared. The last session would come after a point of termination was made and we'd work towards the last session.
She will get this letter on Monday. I'm already planning on not hearing a word from her. In the past I know she'd contact me, but now she's probably glad to be rid of me! I'm a huge failure in her therapy eyes! I'm not willing to pay her for several visits to figure this out. If she would see me for zero co-payment, then I'd be more willing. How sad I am about all of this. I write pages and pages in my journal about it. It's not what I had planned.
***Sad & Anxious*** LadyBug ;o(
Posted by Phillipa on June 26, 2008, at 13:25:19
In reply to I've mailed my T a letter!!!, posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 13:03:21
LadyBug don't know whole story but the letter sounds great. Sorry your're sad and anxious. Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on June 26, 2008, at 14:47:15
In reply to I've mailed my T a letter!!!, posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 13:03:21
OH Ladybug, I am truly sorry that the therapy road for you with this t ended as such. But I am glad you searched your heart for a way to make it work for you and to find some closure in the process. It isn't about her nor her calling to tell you her feelings. It is about how you feel and how you let go. Hooray for you. I feel that this is the beginning of a road of forward motion for you now. You will make it going forward everyday. It is truly sad she could not see how to adjust to help you with this and in the struggles that led to this severe parting but that is sometimes the way it goes. What is important is that you don't let it damage you in the end. That you get something from it to help you move on and forward not backward.
I hear positive feelings in mailing this letter. Keep up the good work on your own. Even if it is not feeling so good I think you are doing pretty good in spite of all that has been thrown your way.
You are awesome.
rsk
Posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 16:47:37
In reply to Re: I've mailed my T a letter!!! » LadyBug, posted by Phillipa on June 26, 2008, at 13:25:19
Posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 16:57:14
In reply to Re: I've mailed my T a letter!!! » LadyBug, posted by rskontos on June 26, 2008, at 14:47:15
Thank you! Thank you! For understanding and giving me positive guidance and support! You have been so supportive of me through all the crap I've been through the past several months.
Thanks so much for taking time for me!I wish I knew how this would turn out. But if she is so hard headed that she won't contact me, then I have my answer. If she contacts me, I'll see if I might feel ok going back to see her. We had agreed not to see each other until September anyway due to my insurance stuff. Ya know, limited visits per calendar year sucks!
Termination wasn't in the works a few months ago. It's just that she hurt me so badly I decided I had to put a wall up and I couldn't even imagine telling her anything personal again. Strange after being free to share anything for 11 years. I still can't believe it and I can't get her out of my mind!!!!
Posted by rskontos on June 26, 2008, at 17:56:55
In reply to Re: I've mailed my T a letter!!! » rskontos, posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 16:57:14
OH Ladybug, you deserve all the support anyone can give. And you are so welcome.
I don't know what came over her. Who knows what motivates a person and why they can change so fast and give up such a long relationship. But the fact you had one and it worked for so long means others can and will. And the fact you are trying to either repair this one or close it off clean is signs of growth in my book!
And you are most certainly welcome for the guidance and support. I am better at it some days than others so for that I am sorry if I appear somewhat in consistent. I too have my good days. I have been somewhat absent of late. Just inside my head. Although there are too many inside there right now. LOL I will be ok though so no worries. And you are so welcome for the time you my friend are worth it.
I would love to support all but sometimes I feel I have little positive to say so I don't. Not that I don't care, but I can't say anything when I feel I have no real help to provide.
But I thought you are doing a good thing and felt like I needed to tell you.
So girl you go!
take care,
rsk
Posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 20:13:38
In reply to Re: I've mailed my T a letter!!! » LadyBug, posted by rskontos on June 26, 2008, at 17:56:55
Posted by star008 on June 27, 2008, at 2:52:28
In reply to I've mailed my T a letter!!!, posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 13:03:21
ladybug,
You have done all taht you can do.She may answer but maybe not. If she doesn't answer your letter i would have to chalk it up to her having her own issues to deal with. The way she handled the whole thing seem unprofessional and childish IMHO. A good T shouldn't get so involved in your stuff that they get mad you for not acting the way they want you to..Good for you.. You ahve deone aht you needed to do for yourself. I hope she calls you and you can work things out but try not to get attached to the outcome since it could go either way. I am sorry she hurt you so badly
Posted by LadyBug on June 27, 2008, at 14:29:45
In reply to Re: I've mailed my T a letter!!! » LadyBug, posted by star008 on June 27, 2008, at 2:52:28
star i agree, if she doesn't respond to me, she does need to deal with her own issues!!! My fear is that she hates me and is tried of dealing with me. Even though I don't know if I could talk to her again anyway. That's how bad I feel.
I was not a difficult patient, maybe I was overly sad a lot of the time but I've had a year from hell this past year.
I've gone through more than anyone could imagine from losing my 23 year marriage, moving to a new place, having to go through a pregnancy and adoption with my 16 year old daughter, putting both my parents into assisted living and watching them fail rapidly, losing everything financially possible, then my husband goes to jail in April and there goes all the support money I was getting from him. Then my T bags me in the face because of it all and I didn't handle it well in her perfect therapy eyes.
Time will tell.
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2008, at 18:17:25
In reply to I've mailed my T a letter!!!, posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 13:03:21
Your therapy situation, along with that therapy experience Twin Leaf had, are the most confusing ones I've ever heard of. Because both are in the context of long term relationships that looked very very different until the end. I think I'd be absolutely obsessed with what went wrong. I'd want to know if there really was a change, or if I'd misunderstood the entire relationship. I'd want to know why the change happened, and what it meant in terms of our entire relationship.
Have you drilled her on her perceptions? I do that with my therapist sometimes. I can't stand not understanding why things in the relationship are happening against my will. So I really pin him down on his perceptions and thoughts.
Maybe if you ask her to explain how she sees the last year of your relationship (probably in the context of the rest of your relationship to see if she sees any changes), and then drill down any part of her narrative that you don't understand, without referring to your own feelings at all, you could get a better understanding? Don't try to argue with her or tell her how much she's hurting you (for this conversation). Just ask her questions to help you understand what she is saying.
I can't offhand remember a situation where I've done this with my therapist, but I remember doing this many many times. Perhaps because we're two very different people, with different frames of reference, we were each perplexed with the reactions of the other. Therapeutic theory would have one think that only my perceptions and conclusions should be examined. But that's ignoring that there are two actual people in the room. And both of them are capable of misunderstanding, misinterpreting, and allowing their own life experiences to color their perceptions.
My therapist generally makes me go first. But he will cooperate with the venture once I've shown that I am willing to do it as well, and that my goal is to understand what is going on.
But then I may be overly obsessed with understanding things.
Posted by Happyflower on June 28, 2008, at 11:41:42
In reply to I've mailed my T a letter!!!, posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 13:03:21
Ladybug,
I am so proud of you! I think the letter is a good way to know you will be heard and I am sure it will affect her deeply. I believe in spite of what happened in the end, I am sure she cares about you. But also know she knows she has messed up big time. When I read my post about my last session with my T, I can no doubt see how the relationship was over at that point.
I don't know if you will hear from her, but if you do at least go to one more session for you to put her behind you. I have a feeling that she had some issue with giving the baby up for adoption. Perhaps she was in the same circumstance and did the same or something different. In any case, her issues affect how she did her job with you.You deserve the best Ladybug. Do you have medical insurance? Is there anyway you could see someone else? I know that is probably one of the last things you want to do again, but I think it would be helpful for you with this and all the others stuff.
We have been friends for a long time, but I never thought we would have this issue in common. IT sucks, it really does.((((Ladybug))))
Posted by LadyBug on June 28, 2008, at 12:51:30
In reply to Re: I've mailed my T a letter!!! » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2008, at 18:17:25
Dinah, I love your wisdom and somehow it makes so much sense to me right now. If she contacts me, maybe this will be my plan for our work. I have a lot to think about. I can't believe how complicated this got in a few months time. I'm partly to blame but I think she's to blame for hurting me like she did and not owning up to her part in it. I know enough about her real life to know she lives in a pretty awesome world, lots of money, a good marriage, wonderful successful kids all with at least master's degrees, two of them are attorneys.
She wouldn't know how to deal with a fraction of what I've had to go through!!!
Thanks for your support!!! In my heart I know I can't let 11 years end like this but I'm so afraid of her hurting me more that I can't talk to her like I used too.
I'm heading to the pool to cool off and think!
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on June 28, 2008, at 13:00:53
In reply to Re: I've mailed my T a letter!!! » LadyBug, posted by Happyflower on June 28, 2008, at 11:41:42
Thanks Happyflower!!! I deserve better than this that's for dang sure!
I do have medical insurance, but my mental health limits my visits to 25 per year and then I have to pay for all of it. I didn't know I'd lose my secondary coverage which was unlimited per year so I was going when I felt like it, at least once a week. Now my secondary coverage went out the window when my (ex) lost his job.
I had already used my 25 visits for the year.
My insurance starts again in September so I will have the 25 visits again. I don't know what to think.If she contacts me, that will make my decision, if she doesn't I have my answer! Run and jump off her building and land by her ground floor office window!!! I'm just kidding.
Monday will be the day I think she will get her letter. Oh man, these T's of ours!!!
I'm heading to our pool to cool off and hang out with my girls for a few hours. Then I'm coming home, taking a shower, then going to Cafe Rio, Mexican Grill!!!
She (T) can go to he**!!!!!!!!!!Thanks for the support and being my friend!!!!
LadyBug
Posted by star008 on June 28, 2008, at 19:49:34
In reply to Re: I've mailed my T a letter!!! » star008, posted by LadyBug on June 27, 2008, at 14:29:45
You have been through so much LB. I hope there is some resolution to the prroblem with your T but there is nothing you can do about it. The choice is hers at this point. Let us know if she responds. I wish you could work things out with her. I think she got way too personally involved. What you do and how you handle things shouldn't make her anbgry with you. A good T will ccpt u as you arre. They might not alwayss be happy with your decisions but they don't get involved to the point that the relationship falls apart. good luck to you. Please think of trying again, if only to work this out with another T. It might help
Posted by LadyBug on June 29, 2008, at 21:29:30
In reply to Re: I've mailed my T a letter!!!, posted by star008 on June 28, 2008, at 19:49:34
Thanks star, I know this is going to be interesting to say the least and then maybe nothing will happen and I will have to process this alone. I refuse to see another T. EVER!!!! The journey has been good for me, but there's been a lot of pain too. Attachment issues. I've become so attached to her. We all know that's a hard thing especailly when I have abandonment issues to go with it.
LadyBug
This is the end of the thread.
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