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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Annierose on June 16, 2008, at 18:03:03
I am fortunate to be able to see my therapist three times a week. Recently she changed my Friday appointment to Thursday. I had mixed feelings. Although Thursday works out better with my job, it also meant the weekend would seem that much longer.
Today we talked about how long the weekends feel for me. I asked her why is this so hard? Why do I feel so needy when I'm seemingly so put-together? What is all this angst about? Where is it coming from?
While not discounting the importance of our relationship, she explained that these feelings belong to the little girl who missed her mom and worried whether she mattered. Although I understood the concept of transference, a light bulb went off for me. All this angst and anxiety was what I felt at a younger age but put away until I was in a safer place to understand it all.
I told my therapist, "I think I'm coming apart." She said, "You are coming apart in a good way. It's an unraveling of your old way of thinking and a newer appreciation and empathy for you as a child. I'm here to help you so that it doesn't become overwhelming and you shut down."
I think my t asked me if I would like to have Friday appointments again .... I'm not quite sure if she asked ... but even before I could understand what she was asking ... I did tell her overall, I liked my Thursday time slot better.
Posted by rskontos on June 16, 2008, at 19:22:24
In reply to Learned something new today, posted by Annierose on June 16, 2008, at 18:03:03
That is nice for you Annierose. I admire you going so much. I could not handle going that much. I had to cut back on my therapy. I was going 2 -3 times a week and it was putting me into overload. I guess it is good whatever works for each individual huh. I still struggle with trusting my T although right now he is the only one IRL life that begins to try to understand what I am going through so for that I should be thankful for and I am.
I don't think you are needy. Just working on what you need to. Think of it that way. The angst is probably change in general. I hate to change anything most of the time. Could it be that?
Once you get a schedule deviations are hard. I had to go outside the house personally. And I hate Monday appointments but that is my day now and I find it is ok now.
Funny how we are like that. We fight stuff, then find ok this is ok, and then worry about how we feel.
I may be off based but I think you are doing good work.
rsk
Whether or not I post to your threads I do read them :)
Posted by Dinah on June 16, 2008, at 20:13:28
In reply to Learned something new today, posted by Annierose on June 16, 2008, at 18:03:03
:)
It's amazing how even though we know things intellectually, we still can get that ah-hah moment when they connect for us personally.
I think its' great that you feel secure enough to like Thursday better.
Posted by Happyflower on June 16, 2008, at 20:28:19
In reply to Re: Learned something new today » Annierose, posted by Dinah on June 16, 2008, at 20:13:28
Your T reminds me of mine, sensitive to our feelings and able to tell you things in a gentle way.
Those aha moments are big in therapy. I once saw my T for 3 times in a week during spring break, but I couldn't imagine what it would be like all the time.
You are doing a good job in therapy.
Posted by Daisym on June 17, 2008, at 2:35:27
In reply to Learned something new today, posted by Annierose on June 16, 2008, at 18:03:03
I hate that coming apart feeling - fragmenting in such a way that you don't know how to think or feel. But I suppose it is necessary - the deconstructing of old defenses and old ways of seeing the world.
Recently I read that when we internalize our therapist to the degree where they become our safe base, we can then begin to confront the really painful feelings of childhood neglect. Studies are showing that children who are neglected are often as damaged as children who are abused. Neglect means you didn't have anyone help you figure out who you are, or mirror to you that you are wonderful. It also means that we didn't have anyone to help with that huge range of emotions - happy and sad and angry and joyful. We begin to limit ourselves because it was all we could handle feeling when we were younger, because we had to feel it on our own. It is a wound that is hard to close and sits inside in such a deep way.
I'm glad she is reminding you that she is there to help you. It is really important that you let her. And I think it is great that you've settled into your "new" spot - claiming it, instead of feeling it forced on you. It is good to recognize our own power to choose.
Posted by Phillipa on June 17, 2008, at 12:42:21
In reply to Re: Learned something new today » Annierose, posted by Daisym on June 17, 2008, at 2:35:27
I grew myself up as I like to say as no one for me and sometimes think best to forget it as I did raise a family and did it on my own too. Is it better so long later to bring the past out or trudge forward as I've done most of my life? Phillipa
Posted by Annierose on June 17, 2008, at 20:34:58
In reply to Learned something new today, posted by Annierose on June 16, 2008, at 18:03:03
your encouragement. Although my t and I are working closely together, and I'm feeling these new emotional shifts (and then backslide), it's still hard work.
I told my t I feel waves of sadness more than ever. We explored that and she feels the sadness is coming from a new place ... a place of more distance and less trauma. It's not a good feeling. I quoted either Daisy or Dinah and complained, "There has to be an easier way!" She smiled and said, "That's why you have me."
Posted by rskontos on June 17, 2008, at 21:03:22
In reply to Re: Thank you for .., posted by Annierose on June 17, 2008, at 20:34:58
Annierose, what you said to your T made me smile. I have said the same thing. I have said I think I am over this therapy thing. I never knew therapy was so lonely. He told me the other day, you understand how therapy works, I said no no I don't think I do actually. he just smiled. I have backed off internally and he is letting me for now. I know what is underneath and I am afraid. Two movies I watched recently let me know quick what is buried. So your "There has to be an easier way" made me smile cause i know there isn't and I still wait because I am just not ready to unleash all the anguish there lurking deep within. I have been deep there to the well where it is buried where you are working from and I guess getting away from. I know that sadness. But mine I think stems from another place. For now, I have place my sadness away. But I just had to tell you, your post made me smile.
I guess in therapy that it is a constant shift of emotions. And I know that is hard. I think most of us have a hard time with emotions. I know i do. I would just rather not assess my emotions. Excepts when it comes to babies and puppies. Those emotions I can handle.
I am glad you seem to be feeling better. I like hearing about others good works.
thanks for sharing
rsk
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