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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by backseatdriver on May 30, 2008, at 16:28:24
I had a lousy session last week, where I detailed to my T various horrors from my childhood, to which he had little to say, partly because I myself was so detached. How disappointing! But then he turned the conversation to sex, and I felt used. Still do. Like it's for his pleasure, to talk about sex with me. He said I was "hot," he said furthermore that I "liked being hot," etc.
Thing is, I'm totally attracted to him. After I reported a dream to this effect, he told me, "We aren't going to sleep together." I think he wanted to reassure me. But I felt disappointed, partly because he didn't sound the least bit regretful. I hate to admit it, but this was wounding.
Now, he's being seductive. I don't get it.
I've sort of tried to move on, particularly by leaving my feelings about HIM out of the sessions. Yet, he keeps bringing me back to these feelings. It's like he's trying to get me to *give*, to *yield*, to admit how I feel. I would do it, except that I don't understand how it benefits me to be humiliated. What is the therapeutic value of this move? Any thoughts on this?
Posted by Sigismund on May 30, 2008, at 18:23:48
In reply to T is being seductive. Why?, posted by backseatdriver on May 30, 2008, at 16:28:24
>He said I was "hot," he said furthermore that I "liked being hot," etc.
Goodness me. That sounds completely inappropriate.
>Thing is, I'm totally attracted to him. After I reported a dream to this effect, he told me, "We aren't going to sleep together." I think he wanted to reassure me.
I don't much like that either, though I'm less sure why.
>I've sort of tried to move on, particularly by leaving my feelings about HIM out of the sessions. Yet, he keeps bringing me back to these feelings. It's like he's trying to get me to *give*, to *yield*, to admit how I feel. I would do it, except that I don't understand how it benefits me to be humiliated
Me neither. Maybe you could ask him?
Posted by star008 on May 30, 2008, at 22:59:47
In reply to T is being seductive. Why?, posted by backseatdriver on May 30, 2008, at 16:28:24
I don't think it has to do with you.. I think it has to do with his own ego. He has all the power..
He can be seductive but at the same time say you aren't going to sleep together. I can understand the attraction but can you imagine what it would do to you psychologically to have intimate relations with him?? It would mortally wound you when he pushed you away.. Oh, I am sorry this is happening to you.. If it continues maybe you should find a new T.. This is not healthy for you. best wishes for you
Posted by Lucie Lu on May 31, 2008, at 17:31:12
In reply to Re: T is being seductive. Why?, posted by star008 on May 30, 2008, at 22:59:47
I completely agree with the other posters that any T saying such things to you is highly inappropriate to start with and acting out any such feelings within therapy is both wrong and very destructive. I really hope that is not where he is coming from. I do wonder whether he could be coming at things from a different angle, a more therapeutic one. For instance, it sounds from what you said that you were pretty dissociated when you were trying to tell him about painful past experiences. And that you were frustrated by that. Perhaps he felt, for whatever reason, that taking that line of questioning might help break through the dissociation barrier and help you access things more freely? Obviously no one else can really know, only you were there and you know him. I guess I'm just being hopeful that there was some positive purpose here, otherwise I think you may need to think about another T and if this one has been otherwise helpful to you that would be very sad. I hope it works out... -LL
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 2, 2008, at 8:37:50
In reply to T is being seductive. Why?, posted by backseatdriver on May 30, 2008, at 16:28:24
Sweetie: He is being unethical. Read: Sex in the Forbidden Zone by Peter Rutter
Have you told him how him "sexualizing" the relationship is affecting you? The client is supposed to talk about what they want to; sounds like he doesn't know how to help you, and is using you for his own needs.
You can go into the website: www.advocateweb.com.....website for professionals who exploit clients.
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by Sigismund on June 2, 2008, at 15:29:45
In reply to T is being seductive. Why?, posted by backseatdriver on May 30, 2008, at 16:28:24
The progression (as I understand it, from what you write) is
You're hot, you like being hot, you want it but you're not going to get it.Everything is recycled of course, but where have you heard this kind of stuff from?
If he is being seductive it is (to my mind) even worse than a therapist frankly asking for sex.
Posted by backseatdriver on June 3, 2008, at 13:00:43
In reply to Re: T is being seductive. Why?, posted by Sigismund on June 2, 2008, at 15:29:45
Yes, the progression has exactly that tantalizing quality. Thank you for putting out there so clearly.
As for where I've heard it before -- I wish I could trace it to my family of origin. At least that would make sense. But I can't. My parents did not tantalize each other, nor did they arouse and frustrate me in that way.
I wonder if he's mirroring a message *I'm* sending. I've been up front about my feelings in the transference but not, perhaps, as responsible as I should have been minimizing his arousal in the interests of the therapy.
I was under the impression that his arousal was his responsibility, though.
Posted by backseatdriver on June 3, 2008, at 13:01:53
In reply to Re: T is being seductive. Why?, posted by sassyfrancesca on June 2, 2008, at 8:37:50
Thank you so much for the words of support, and the book references. I will check them out.
Posted by Lucie Lu on June 3, 2008, at 20:17:25
In reply to T is being seductive. Why?, posted by backseatdriver on May 30, 2008, at 16:28:24
Another reference to check out while you're at it... your situation reminds me of Lara's seductive T in "In Session" - I think that story was called "Between the Rabbit Ears" - and there were a couple of others in that book too that might be helpful. Hope all works out OK - LL
Posted by Sigismund on June 5, 2008, at 3:42:29
In reply to Re: T is being seductive. Why? » Sigismund, posted by backseatdriver on June 3, 2008, at 13:00:43
>I wonder if he's mirroring a message *I'm* sending. I've been up front about my feelings in the transference but not, perhaps, as responsible as I should have been minimizing his arousal in the interests of the therapy.
>I was under the impression that his arousal was his responsibility, though.
I had a porno film in mind (forgive me, I don't wish to be insulting).It doesn't really matter if he is mirroring you or not. He just shouldn't do that.
And, as you say, you should not have to be responsible for his arousal.
More, you shouldn't ever have to think about it.I dunno....when I did therapy I was in my 20s and my T was a woman in her fifties, so it was different.
Posted by backseatdriver on June 5, 2008, at 11:22:52
In reply to Re: T is being seductive. Why?, posted by Lucie Lu on June 3, 2008, at 20:17:25
Oh my gosh, yeah. That vignette made me cringe.
Next visit, I'm going to push forward somehow.
Posted by backseatdriver on June 5, 2008, at 11:32:23
In reply to Re: T is being seductive. Why? » backseatdriver, posted by Sigismund on June 5, 2008, at 3:42:29
Yeah, I can see how easily porn would come to mind. But, after a CRAZY session with him earlier this week, I am starting to think he's got a different sort of wound. Apparently my liveliness poses some kind of problem. He would really like me to be dumb, content, and bovine. I am not any of these things. What I am, is sporadically depressed due to problems in my family-of-origin.
He's sixty, I'm thirty-five.
I am working up the nerve to fire him the next time we meet.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 5, 2008, at 15:11:37
In reply to Re: T is being seductive. Why? » sassyfrancesca, posted by backseatdriver on June 3, 2008, at 13:01:53
Most t's are seductive because there is something missing in their personal lives; it has NOTHING to do with YOUR behavior; they are trained to handle this stuff.
Before you "fire" him, I would tell him what he is doing, and ask him "why?"
My t has been doing this for over 4 years, and I know I should give him the "speech" I prepared a long time ago.
It is called: "Professional Sexual Misconduct"
Any seductive looks, words or actions meant to arouse you.
They can lose their license for that.
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by backseatdriver on June 6, 2008, at 9:01:29
In reply to Re: It's Called: Professional Sexual Misconduct', posted by sassyfrancesca on June 5, 2008, at 15:11:37
Hi there -- Yep, you're right. It's worth talking about, very much so. I wonder why it is so hard to find the nerve, though. Something about the situation is so disempowering. I've had little trouble standing up to authoritative men in other contexts, but this one's a doozy.
This is the end of the thread.
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