Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 830151

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threpaist with medical emergency

Posted by peratree on May 20, 2008, at 15:30:19

Hello,

I have been in therapy for 4 years on bi-weekly basis. I have known my therapist for 10 years, the first time I was in therapy, I stopped after a year.

I have gone back to work with her after a breakup of a 7 year relationship with my boyfriend.
I feel that we have made very good progress during these years. I do have more understanding of myself than ever before and have more coping skills to deal with situations that I felt no control over in the past.

Even though I am working hard to understand myself and regularly attending the sessions, it took me just until recently to really dig deep. I have looked forward to therapy every time, and perhaps become dependent on it. I feel that the deeper we have dug, the more "childish" I have become, having difficulties regulating my emotions, particularly my anxiety.

A few days ago I have received a phone call from my therapist that she is having a medical emergency and she will be away for a month.

This has stirred quite an unexpected intensity of feelings in me. I have been near panic state for the last few days.

She has referred me to other people, none of which I have not been able to get in touch with.

I think it's really worth examining the feeling that have come up in response to this situation. I know that I do have abandonment issues, and I also have had 2 very close people die in the last 3 years. I am actually afraid that my therapist might be dying. There was just a weird tone to her voice, I think she did not want to worry me.

I did call her back right after I spoke to her and did get the phone numbers for referrals (initially I told her I didn't need it) and told her to take care of herself. Also told her that even though this might cross the bounderies of the client-therapist, but I cared about her as a person (somewhat selfishly) and please get better soon.

I felt kinda bad after saying that to her. Perhaps I have developed "transference" and think that I know her or care about her as a person. I do care, but reality is that she is my therapist and we work in a narrow range, I do not know her.

Last night I had paranoid thoughts of her maybe terminating therapy. I just kept telling myself to trust her, she would not go about it such a round-about way.

I am having difficulties concentrating at work...
Anyone out there with similar experience or suggestions? Thanks!

 

Re: threpaist with medical emergency » peratree

Posted by DAisym on May 20, 2008, at 18:19:08

In reply to threpaist with medical emergency, posted by peratree on May 20, 2008, at 15:30:19

I'm sure it was shocking to get this kind of news as well as to have the support you count on disappear with it. It is OK to be upset - in fact, it is the appropriate response.

And I think it was a very warm and human thing for you to offer your caring and wishes of a speedy recovery to her. It might have selfish undertones (thus is the nature of therapy), but it was genuine and from your heart. Wouldn't you want that from people you work with? The therapy relationship is very different than most relationships but given how intimate it is, why wouldn't you have caring feelings for her? There may be transference going on, but it doesn't make it any less real. If you think about anyone else you've know for 10 years and talked to in a personal way, wouldn't you worry about them if they fell ill?

I hope you get through to one of the folks covering for her. It is important to have support as you hold yourself together during this time. And it is OK to miss her, worry about her, be mad that your sessions aren't happening and even like the substitute therapist. In the meantime, lean on friends and family and try to do something special for yourself during your usual therapy time. Self-nurturing skills are important. Use what she taught you!

 

Re: threpaist with medical emergency

Posted by Phillipa on May 20, 2008, at 19:45:22

In reply to Re: threpaist with medical emergency » peratree, posted by DAisym on May 20, 2008, at 18:19:08

Couldn't it be a family member that is ill? Phillipa

 

Re: threpaist with medical emergency » peratree

Posted by Dinah on May 20, 2008, at 20:24:50

In reply to threpaist with medical emergency, posted by peratree on May 20, 2008, at 15:30:19

I haven't had exactly the same situation. But my therapist was gone for three weeks or so when his mother became ill and then died.

I think it's perfectly normal to be concerned about her *and* to be angry with her for not being immune to medical emergencies. My therapist says that if we're honest with ourselves we probably feel that way about anyone we rely on. And that in therapy we can be honest about those feelings. Whenever anything happens to him, my kneejerk reaction is "What does this mean to meeeee..."

I'm not going to pretend that he doesn't get upset on occasion with my attitude. But in the end he understands it and thinks it's appropriate given our relationship.

Under the circumstances, I think I'd be upset that I'd allowed myself to "regress" (or my therapist had encouraged it). That my defenses were laid bare and then my therapist disappeared leaving me in that vulnerable state. I'm not altogether sure whether, for me, I actually did regress or if I just laid bare the vulnerable "young" feelings that were always hidden under the surface and influencing my actions but were covered up by the veneer of adult expectations. But that's me.

When my therapist was gone for three weeks, I did call his replacement and speak more to my psychiatrist. And when he was gone for a longer period of time, I did find a "replacement" therapist. It was of course no replacement. But it diverted my attention and gave me something to think about. And the other therapist also supported me in my feelings of loss.

I know it wouldn't be appropriate for her to give you a rundown on her medical condition. But did she give you an indication of whether she'd be ok at the end of the month? I think that's the least therapists can do. Tell us that they need to go away for a while, but also tell us what to expect after that month with regard to our therapy.

 

Re: threpaist with medical emergency

Posted by peratree on May 21, 2008, at 13:31:05

In reply to Re: threpaist with medical emergency » peratree, posted by Dinah on May 20, 2008, at 20:24:50

Thank you to everyone for your responses!

The conversation was rather left open-ended. She said that she will be away for a month. I asked if I should call her, she said "no, I will call you".

Yes, Dinah, I agree about the "young, vulnerable state" that lies underneath. It probably describes the states of mind more accurately.

I do not feel that I am angry necessarly just yet, but rather fearful of the possibility of having to start all-over with a new therapist. It's like swimming towards an island and then realizing that your floatation west is gone and you are going to have to swim the rest on your own. Even tough I am an excellent swimmer, seeing all that water makes me overwhelmed.

 

Re: threpaist with medical emergency » peratree

Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2008, at 17:58:30

In reply to Re: threpaist with medical emergency, posted by peratree on May 21, 2008, at 13:31:05

If it helps, feel free to post. I sometimes think of Babble as a bit of a life raft.


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