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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sometimesblue on April 25, 2008, at 18:53:28
It seems like everytime I "crash" i turn to this board. I'm starting to feel hopeless. I've been on several medications for depression and they work, amazingly, for a while....then I crash. I'm so tired of crashing, my soul feels bruised from the impact. I tried telling my husband and he was supportive....until we got into an argument and he used it against me...no surprise there. I guess people say ugly things when they're mad.
I wake up everyday and i can't stand it. I feel dead inside. The other day I was on my way to work and I had the strongest urge to call in and just drive around all day, to the beach, somewhere new, just to get lost. It seems like everytime this gets worse, it lasts longer, I feel crapier...i fear the day that i really won't want to deal anymore, the day I won't be able to come back from this, whatever it is. Another internal failure, a mental breakdown, i'm tired of picking myself up. Everynight, i look forward to sleeping, it's the only time i'm away from myself. It's the only time I get any peace, inside. This sadness, it consumes me. It isn't just "in my head," I feel it in my heart, in my chest.
I have 2 small boys and i swear if they weren't around I would have finished this off a long time ago. But the thought of them not knowing me breaks my heart. But I don't know if I'm doing them any good by being around. I don't smile, I don't react, I'm just here, but I'm invisible.
Posted by obsidian on April 25, 2008, at 23:28:43
In reply to So...is there a doctor in the house?, posted by sometimesblue on April 25, 2008, at 18:53:28
(((((you)))))))
I hope you keep trying.
-sid
Posted by obsidian on April 25, 2008, at 23:30:14
In reply to Re: So...is there a doctor in the house? » sometimesblue, posted by obsidian on April 25, 2008, at 23:28:43
> (((((you)))))))
>
> I hope you keep trying.
> -sidbut beyond that really...do you have a good pdoc??
can you tell them you're still so depressed?
Posted by MissK on April 26, 2008, at 7:50:15
In reply to So...is there a doctor in the house?, posted by sometimesblue on April 25, 2008, at 18:53:28
Do the doctors have any explanation why the medication stops working?
You don't say whether you've tried therapy. If you don't, it may be something to try.
That feeling of dead inside, the hopelessness, not sure if it is just medication that is numbing you out, though more likely it comes from a source of deep unhappiness somewhere, the sadness you feel. Even with therapy, it may take a while to lift.
If you could, what would you want to change about your life. The answer to that may be part of the sadness you feel.
You do sound in pain. It can and does get better. Your kids not only need you, they love you and want you around for a very long time. I hope you will find the help you need.
Posted by AbbieNormal on April 26, 2008, at 15:18:41
In reply to So...is there a doctor in the house?, posted by sometimesblue on April 25, 2008, at 18:53:28
Sure sounds like depression to me. I totally relate to the drive to work. I want to either drive in another direction, or drive into something cement.
Depression bites. Please talk to your pdoc about these suicidal thoughts. They won't lock you up for ideation. You may even need a mood stabilizer rather than an antidepressant. And, therapy...what's the scoop with that? Do you?
I hope you are doing ok today.
Abbie
Posted by sometimesblue on April 27, 2008, at 1:21:33
In reply to Re: So...**suicide triggers above + here **, posted by AbbieNormal on April 26, 2008, at 15:18:41
I've never seen a pdoc...i hve no mental health coverage...i'm not sure where to go from here. I left a message at a place called pederson kreg...maybe they'll call me back...we'll see. My physician recommended me because she doesn't know what to do with me...she says she isn't equiped to handle me.
Posted by sometimesblue on April 27, 2008, at 1:43:34
In reply to Re: So...**suicide triggers above + here **, posted by sometimesblue on April 27, 2008, at 1:21:33
ever heard the song "king of sorrow" by sade...? I play over and over and over...it seems to be the only things allows me to let it out...otherwise i feel like i'm drowning...
Posted by MissK on April 27, 2008, at 7:51:49
In reply to Re: So...**suicide triggers above + here **, posted by sometimesblue on April 27, 2008, at 1:21:33
If that Pedersen Kreg place can't help you, then I have read that all the states apparently have something called state or county mental health clinics that are supposed to have some free mental health services. Maybe check out your phone book or telephone directory assistance about that. I've read there are waiting lists though for the free psychologists and may take a few months before you see someone.
If things feel like they are getting really bad, you can always go to hospital emergency, explain you are having suicidal thoughts (if you do) and you would eventually have a qualified professional see you there.
Not sure what your $ situation is or if family or friends can help out in that regard, though if you can afford it, do think about seeing a therapist, psychology or psychiatry degreed even if all you can muster is once a month.
Posted by B2chica on April 29, 2008, at 14:06:05
In reply to Re: So...**suicide triggers above + here **, posted by sometimesblue on April 27, 2008, at 1:43:34
sometimesblue
you just do not know what you have done for me.
i have just been suffering so alone for, well i guess it has only been just over a week but since its been every breathing waking moment it has felt like months of grieving.
i was not familiar with this song so i went to youtube (link below) to hear this song. I am such a visual person and the video just connects to me. though i dont have as many children, i feel as drained from every aspect of life as depicted in this video. it was amazing to me. and for 4min (as i'm crying now), for 4 min sometimesblue i was not alone.
i just can't say the words to touch you for what you have shared, for what this has done for me today. except to share the link to the video.
Posted by sometimesblue on April 29, 2008, at 14:27:42
In reply to SOMETIMESBLUE, posted by B2chica on April 29, 2008, at 14:06:05
I never saw the video, and yet it was like looking at a day in my life. I had only heard the song, and all I was thinking when I was watching it was how weird it was that I could relate to that song so much more than I already thought I did.
I know how it is when you feel like crap for a what seems like an eternity. I've been like "this" for I guess going on 2 months now. I think somedays I feel better than others, then I'm back down.
(((you))) I hope you find some relief. You know how some people say "i know how you feel" and all you can think is "no you don't, you have no idea"...well, I hope you know I really do know how you feel and I hope it gets sunnier in your world.
(((you)))
-stillblue
Posted by B2chica on April 29, 2008, at 15:04:25
In reply to wow. » B2chica, posted by sometimesblue on April 29, 2008, at 14:27:42
I KNOW!!
it was like watching a day in the life of b2c too. just constant struggle, constant harrowing obstacles for just the minimal results.
thank you for the cyber hugs
and i am truly sorry that you understand how i feel.
hoping you feel some relief soon too.
b2c.
> I never saw the video, and yet it was like looking at a day in my life. I had only heard the song, and all I was thinking when I was watching it was how weird it was that I could relate to that song so much more than I already thought I did.
>
> I know how it is when you feel like crap for a what seems like an eternity. I've been like "this" for I guess going on 2 months now. I think somedays I feel better than others, then I'm back down.
>
> (((you))) I hope you find some relief. You know how some people say "i know how you feel" and all you can think is "no you don't, you have no idea"...well, I hope you know I really do know how you feel and I hope it gets sunnier in your world.
>
> (((you)))
>
> -stillblue
Posted by muffled on April 29, 2008, at 15:53:04
In reply to SOMETIMESBLUE, posted by B2chica on April 29, 2008, at 14:06:05
I watch video.
Its hard being a Mom, we can lose ourselves.
Our bodies change w/pregnancy, our homones get awry.
Then there is this child, OMG, we love this being SO much, but no other being can also SO test our patience.
I struggled very hard when kids were small.
I needed to have times for ME.
Sometimes, 1x/wk I would go for breakfast OUT. Just a bun and coffee. But I would go to a sit down place. I had a whole hour that was ALL MINE. It was huge, it set me up for the rest of the week. I swear, it was how I survived.
I also don't worry bout messy house and perfectly clean kids. I learn LOTS. But the main thing, is us moms need to have our own special times, even if it can only be 1/hr/wk. Just for ourselfs, so we can try and find ourselves, cuz sometimes, its such a big change, and its kinda easy to get lost.
M
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