Posted by sometimesblue on April 25, 2008, at 18:53:28
It seems like everytime I "crash" i turn to this board. I'm starting to feel hopeless. I've been on several medications for depression and they work, amazingly, for a while....then I crash. I'm so tired of crashing, my soul feels bruised from the impact. I tried telling my husband and he was supportive....until we got into an argument and he used it against me...no surprise there. I guess people say ugly things when they're mad.
I wake up everyday and i can't stand it. I feel dead inside. The other day I was on my way to work and I had the strongest urge to call in and just drive around all day, to the beach, somewhere new, just to get lost. It seems like everytime this gets worse, it lasts longer, I feel crapier...i fear the day that i really won't want to deal anymore, the day I won't be able to come back from this, whatever it is. Another internal failure, a mental breakdown, i'm tired of picking myself up. Everynight, i look forward to sleeping, it's the only time i'm away from myself. It's the only time I get any peace, inside. This sadness, it consumes me. It isn't just "in my head," I feel it in my heart, in my chest.
I have 2 small boys and i swear if they weren't around I would have finished this off a long time ago. But the thought of them not knowing me breaks my heart. But I don't know if I'm doing them any good by being around. I don't smile, I don't react, I'm just here, but I'm invisible.
poster:sometimesblue
thread:825471
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/825471.html