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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on April 3, 2008, at 15:46:21
There are a lot of things that are wrong (allergies, lazy - and I mean astronomically lazy students, pet problems, bills I forgot to pay, messy house AND i have one of those inflamed "taste buds" right on the tip of my tongue).
I guess the thing that is bothering my the most are my dreams. The intensity and frequency of them. Most are nightmares.
In the past week I dreamed that I
1. Poisoned a bunch of people at a local diner
2. Shot my mom while she was coming up the stairs in the house I grew up in. In my defense, she and my dad both were demons trying to kill me.
3. Dreamt that my car was vandalized and my brother threw me on the ground over it and was repeatedly kicking my back.
4. Dreamt that I was pregnant and stuck in an airport with my ex-boyfriend who kept telling everyone was a slut I was and how he never wanted to be with me.I don't know what tonight's dreams will hold, or if I will even try to sleep.
I don't know why I'm dreaming about all this stuff, if it's the buspar, the allergies or whatever (it's probably the students).
I just have to hold on until Monday and hopefully my T and I can get to the bottom of it.
I'm stressed and anxious and just have all of these awful dream images stuck in my head.
Seldom.
Posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2008, at 17:24:08
In reply to I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think, posted by seldomseen on April 3, 2008, at 15:46:21
It's a horrible feeling when you can't put dreams behind you - they can be so very vivid and invasive. I would actually try to counter them with some guided meditative imagery of extraordinarily beautiful scenes. Blissful, peaceful, full of beauty and soothing - try to bombard your senses. (I think it's the buspar, BTW.) I have a lot more trust in my control over my mind than I used to, thanks to meditation, but it does take repeated attempts. There are some good free audio downloads out there to try.
I hope things settle down for you soon!
CS
Posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2008, at 17:27:14
In reply to I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think, posted by seldomseen on April 3, 2008, at 15:46:21
Well how strange as I myself am having horrible nightmares this week. Broccoli growing out of surgical site and guts and a mushroom coming out when I tried to pull out the broccoli. Then old house and old life and kids when young. But strangest was My T was all of a sudden blond and old with a fancy car and put me in passenger seat and only her shoes drove the car as she wasn't in it. Seldom think we need a dream interpreter???? Yours sound very scarey. I'm so sorry for you. Maybe the wierd weather or old issues? Love Phillipa
Posted by backseatdriver on April 3, 2008, at 18:36:10
In reply to Re: I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think » seldomseen, posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2008, at 17:27:14
Sorry to hear about those awful dreams, they do sound disturbing. I would guess it is the meds. I have similar problems when I change meds or dosages.
It is hard when unpleasant dreams are vivid. They can seem more real than life. But they are not. Wishing you intensely *wonderful* dreams tonight.
-- BackseatD
Posted by DAisym on April 3, 2008, at 18:56:13
In reply to I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think, posted by seldomseen on April 3, 2008, at 15:46:21
I love dream stuff. I made a quick pass at it below, I might be way off. Taken all together, the dreams suggest unresolved feelings about the past, lots of fear about it effecting you now and a huge desire for people to leave you alone . I'm sorry you are having such a hard week. I hope the weekend offers some fun distractions. Can you take sleeping pills to calm down the dreams? I find when I leave music on I dream less violently. Exercising an hour before bed can also help you sleep deeper with less dreaming.
In the past week I dreamed that I
1. Poisoned a bunch of people at a local diner --The students?
2. Shot my mom while she was coming up the stairs in the house I grew up in. In my defense, she and my dad both were demons trying to kill me.Protecting yourself.
3. Dreamt that my car was vandalized and my brother threw me on the ground over it and was repeatedly kicking my back.Cars, planes and trains often signify your life and the journey through it. I don't know what your relationship with your brother is but the dream suggests he is blaming you for something (or you think he is) and a betrayal (the back). It also suggests that you are afraid that someone close to you (not necessarily your actual brother) is going to hurt you because of someone else damaging something of yours. I find this dream the scariest for some reason.
4. Dreamt that I was pregnant and stuck in an airport with my ex-boyfriend who kept telling everyone was a slut I was and how he never wanted to be with me.Public embarrassment due to growth of life - especially since it was an X boyfriend. And there are sexual overtones here - calling you a slut - the proof you've had sex by being pregnant. Again the airport suggest your life's journey and he is telling everyone in your life about your faults. It makes me wonder if there is a secret that you are keeping?
Posted by Dinah on April 3, 2008, at 20:21:56
In reply to I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think, posted by seldomseen on April 3, 2008, at 15:46:21
Is that what those things are on the tip of the tongue?
It sounds as if you've got a lot of justified anger right now that might be leaking out in your dreams. Or maybe I'm just projecting. :(
Posted by Happyflower on April 4, 2008, at 5:46:10
In reply to I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think, posted by seldomseen on April 3, 2008, at 15:46:21
Hi Seldom,
It sounds a lot like stress dreams or at least that what is seems to me. I get those kinds of dreams when I am overly stressed with stuff like that. But I know how distressing bad dreams are. Take care of yourself.(((Seldom)))
Posted by seldomseen on April 4, 2008, at 7:22:20
In reply to Re: I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think » seldomseen, posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2008, at 17:24:08
Thank you for your advice. I tried the guided imagery as soon as I read your post and last night before I fell asleep. It worked!
I imagined I was in a forest (no Pine trees thank-you very much) and it was sunny and warm. I imagined all of these butterflies swirling around me, just a blizzard of butterflies in all different colors. I let them light on me and just fill the air with color and motion.
As it turned out, that is a very powerful and evocative image for me.
I had no bad dreams last night at all. Thanks for the advice.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on April 4, 2008, at 7:24:12
In reply to Re: I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think » seldomseen, posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2008, at 17:27:14
Gosh Phillipa that surgery dream sounds terrible.
I tried clearskies guided imagery suggestion and it worked. Maybe it would work for you too.Seldom
Posted by seldomseen on April 4, 2008, at 7:31:50
In reply to Re: I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think, posted by backseatdriver on April 3, 2008, at 18:36:10
The dream images and the feelings kick in to give you a real double slap in the face.
I guess the thing that has always irked me about dreams is that they feel so out of control to me.
It feels like my subconscious just gets license to do whatever the hell it wants to when I'm asleep, and my conscious brain has to deal with the fallout.
Maybe that's the way it's supposed to work.
It may sound stupid, but I feel tricked and misled.
I was dream-free last night (at least I don't remember them), so that's a bonus.
Seldom
Posted by seldomseen on April 4, 2008, at 7:54:25
In reply to Re: I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think » seldomseen, posted by DAisym on April 3, 2008, at 18:56:13
But I don't want to have unresolved conflict regarding past issues!!! I don't want it (lower lip petulantly stuck way way out)!!!
I think your interpretations of my dreams are quite accurate.
While I don't think I have a latent desire to kill my students, I do think I have a real desire to kill the part of them that is holding them back. One of them really came through yesterday but only after I jerked a proverbial "knot in her chain". The others, well, I just don't think they are going to make it.
It's odd, but I dream I try to shoot people all the time. I grew up in a household in which guns were a staple of the house. It seemed like someone was always shooting at something. Usually, in my dreams, I fire the gun and nothing happens. Either the gun discharges and no bullets come out, or the bullets are moving very very slowly.
In this dream, the gun worked (of course it killed my mom/demon - why didn't I shoot my dad???), I wonder if that represents a shift towards an enhanced belief in my abilty to effect change.
Now, about my brother, he is another real winner from my past. A very violent soul. I suffered a profound physical injury at his hands. We've been trying to repair the relationship. Perhaps this dream indicates that there is much work to be done in that area.
Thank you for your interpretations. My logical mind tells me that there is much to be gained from analyzing dreams and that they are a rich source of info from the lower, unspoken realms. My emotional mind just wants them to go away and stay away.
Seldom
Posted by seldomseen on April 4, 2008, at 7:56:10
In reply to Re: I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on April 3, 2008, at 20:21:56
yeah, my dentist told me that's what the bumps are. They don't last (in fact it's gone now), but they are just another source of irritation.
Listerine 3x daily wipes them out for me.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on April 4, 2008, at 7:57:02
In reply to Re: I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think, posted by Happyflower on April 4, 2008, at 5:46:10
Thanks HF.
It's so good to see you back on the boards :) :) :)
Seldom.
Posted by raisinb on April 4, 2008, at 11:48:45
In reply to I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think, posted by seldomseen on April 3, 2008, at 15:46:21
My students are infuriatingly lazy right now, too. It's the time of year. Also at this time of year, I get a little tired of tolerating them, even though I still love them.
I *hate* intrusive nightmares, the ones that leave hangovers the next day. Does it help if you write them down? Analyzing mine helps give me a sense of control sometimes.
I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.
Posted by Racer on April 5, 2008, at 17:07:47
In reply to Re: I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think » DAisym, posted by seldomseen on April 4, 2008, at 7:54:25
I don't have anything particularly important to add, except that when I've had dreams I was pregnant, they've usually involved me going into labor -- and due to the circumstances in my life when I've had them, I associate them with a separation of some sort. Like breaking up with a lover, or finally breaking away from a problem that had been holding me back.
Maybe that dream has some element of breaking free of any residue from that ex-boyfriend?
I am sorry you're going through this.
Posted by seldomseen on April 8, 2008, at 10:11:34
In reply to Re: I'm having a really bad week -triggers I think » seldomseen, posted by Racer on April 5, 2008, at 17:07:47
As always he was very helpful. To clearskies credit, she gave me one very good night's rest. I think it made my subconscious very angry however (like putting a cap on a volcano) and it fired off a volley of unspeakable images and feelings the following night. It was the last time I even tried to sleep prior to last night.
Some rough beast, its hour come round at last,
slouches towards Bethlehem to be born.In my heart I know what it is, but I'm just not ready to cognitively acknowledge it. The trauma of the fall off the horse got it stirring.
My therapist maintains that trauma is trauma and the feelings from one can be very reminiscent of another.
During the session, as I re-lived the dreams, the oddest thing happened - my therapist simply disappeared. He truly became the infamous silent witness. It was less that I was telling HIM what happened, and more that I was just telling.
He reassured me that he cares for me a lot and that he would never ever in a million years hurt me. I think it is safe there with him.
We put a band-aid on the anxiety (klonopin- AGAIN) and two pills and a half of a trazodone later, I was asleep. Not entirely dream free, but a rather innocuous little ditty about dogs and lost toys.
The overwhelmingly good news is that now that I know that the majority of the fear I experience while riding is, in fact, not related to the riding at all, I took the morning off and re-united with my old old friend Jay. Together on the trail we watched the sun come up and I apologized for putting all this crap on him. He seemed okay with it.
To be honest, he was more like "yeah whatever, can we go back to the barn now, I want my carrot".
Andrew is being sold for a song.
I don't know what the next fews weeks will bring and I don't know how, or if, I will be able to handle it. I only know that I have to do it. I also suspect that all of the work that I have done in therapy has lead me to this place.
I'm most likely going to need a lot of support from you guys I'm sure. My absolute promise to you is that I will keep it as trigger free as I can.
Peace.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on April 8, 2008, at 15:02:31
In reply to Well, I saw my T - the dream saga continues., posted by seldomseen on April 8, 2008, at 10:11:34
The more I think about it, the odder it gets. I bet I talked for more than 30 minutes without a peep from him.
It was like I was so caught up in what I was saying, and the images of it that he wasn't even there.
When he did say something, I was like "hello, how long have you been here?". I didn't even feel his presence in the room I don't think.
I wonder if I dissociated (never been one to do that), or if I just trust him so much that I was willing to let him be present during a really scary time.
Has this ever happened to any of you?
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on April 8, 2008, at 21:07:54
In reply to The disappearing therapist., posted by seldomseen on April 8, 2008, at 15:02:31
I've disappeared from my own sessions before.
(((((((seldom))))))))
I know what you're saying, and I see how you're saying it. Don't feel like you have to put a trigger-free face on it though. It sounds ugly, and I worry that by censoring it you don't get all the support and ideas that you need.
Sorry I gotta run. Combo of harry potter and current thematic material making me feel a little spacy and psycho. I've got strong dissociative tendencies (a talent, T says)
-Ll
Posted by seldomseen on April 8, 2008, at 21:15:45
In reply to Re: The disappearing therapist. » seldomseen, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on April 8, 2008, at 21:07:54
thank you llurpsie.
((llurpsie))
((blanket tent))
thank you.
Little, vulnerable, needy, sad
Seldom.
Posted by sunnydays on April 8, 2008, at 22:47:48
In reply to The disappearing therapist., posted by seldomseen on April 8, 2008, at 15:02:31
((((seldom))))
Not that exactly, but I've been having weirdness in my relationship with my T lately too. Disconnected feeling in session, but then upset when I leave.
Be gentle with yourself. I haven't mastered that feat yet, but maybe you can.
sunnydays
Posted by seldomseen on April 9, 2008, at 7:31:53
In reply to Re: The disappearing therapist. » seldomseen, posted by sunnydays on April 8, 2008, at 22:47:48
I think what you are experiencing is just part of the natural ebb and flow of therapy. Not every session is a home run.
Somedays my therapist is just not himself. Somedays I'm just not in a therapeutic place you know?
However, one thing to consider is your own resistance levels. Sometimes when you just don't want to talk, don't want to connect, well, those are the days that you likely need to do talk the most.
Seldom.
Posted by muffled on April 9, 2008, at 16:40:08
In reply to Re: The disappearing therapist. » sunnydays, posted by seldomseen on April 9, 2008, at 7:31:53
Posted by Dinah on April 10, 2008, at 8:09:16
In reply to The disappearing therapist., posted by seldomseen on April 8, 2008, at 15:02:31
Was it a bad feeling? Or a good, safe one?
I can't say I'm ever unaware of my therapist in the room. But sometimes he's just a safe presence as I largely work something out in my own head.
Perhaps you're just using the skills you've learned, but using them in the presence of someone that you trust.
But if it felt bad, that's a different story.
This is the end of the thread.
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