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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on March 29, 2008, at 14:15:33
So it was a hard session with T. I've been freaking out that he doesn't like me because he didn't answer my emails this week. I knew he probably wasn't there, but I still freaked out. He told me today that he wasn't there because he was really overwhelmed because a patient of his killed himself and he's stressed about his kids and it was all just too much. So he took off for two days. I then got really quiet and then I said, "So it was bad then for me to email you so much." He said, "Why, because you're supposed to know what I'm thinking and feeling?" And I said, "Yes," and he said, "Well, I don't think that's possible, sunnydays." I sat there trying not to cry with my eyes closed and he said, "I think you're taking on a lot that's not yours to take on."
We talked more about how maybe there's a part of me that really doesn't want to email him so much and doesn't want to have to need him so much, and that maybe it's not that I'm worried he doesn't like me, maybe I'm projecting a conversation I'm having with myself. Which makes sense to me. And I said, "But I don't know how to make myself stop." And he said, "Of course not. It's not your job to know how, it's more my job to help you talk about how this might relate to you. It's not your job to know how to do anything in here. But I know that's your main method of control is to know things, and it scares you to not know things."
So he was sort of reassuring, but at the same time I left feeling like I need to try really hard not to email him. So I am. But I'm also sad.
sunnydays
Posted by star008 on March 29, 2008, at 14:36:37
In reply to hard session, posted by sunnydays on March 29, 2008, at 14:15:33
sunny,
you didn't do anything wrong by emailing and i would feel bad too if my emails weren't responded to. Are you feeling the dependence that bothers some of us? It is so hard cuz you dont want to feel needy but you need support and to have him listen to you. He must have felt terrible to have someone die under his care. I imagine he had to take a couple of days just to take the pressure off.. try not to worry about what you are doing wrong. It is his job to help you
Posted by mair on March 29, 2008, at 15:32:54
In reply to hard session, posted by sunnydays on March 29, 2008, at 14:15:33
Sunny - you shouldn't feel bad. My T always tells me it's her job to take care of me not the other way around. I think all good Ts also know that they can't bring their "stuff" into a session. Your T probably took a few days off because he knew that he wasn't functioning very well and thus wouldn't be able to take care of anyone. What he did was the professionally responsible thing to do.
My T also tells me on occasion that I don't need to be the "perfect" patient. When you think about it, they have to take us as we are, and part of the therapy is really to let us know that all the annoying stuff we do doesn't define us. So don't worry about emailing him; you obviously have a need to and once you have all that figured out, you'll find yourself needing that communication less.
mair
Posted by Phillipa on March 30, 2008, at 12:20:22
In reply to hard session, posted by sunnydays on March 29, 2008, at 14:15:33
Sunnydays wow your T really sounds awesome and so understanding. I feel you're very lucky to have found someone so compassionate. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on March 30, 2008, at 12:22:52
In reply to Re: hard session » sunnydays, posted by mair on March 29, 2008, at 15:32:54
If I e-mailed mine she said she would not answer that had to call her. How did you find you T? Phillipa
Posted by mair on March 30, 2008, at 21:32:45
In reply to Re: hard session » mair, posted by Phillipa on March 30, 2008, at 12:22:52
Actually - I don't think my T uses email reliably enough - she's still got dial-up, I think.
I almost always communicate with my pdoc by email, but that's mostly just to order prescription refills.
Talking about personal feelings on the phone seems awkward to me, which may explain why I think I've only ever called my T once in almost 10 years of seeing her. Frankly I'm envious of the people here who are able to draw support that way. I think I'd be much better off and have a stronger connection to my T if I could bring myself to ask for her help between sessions.
mair
Posted by raisinb on March 30, 2008, at 22:22:33
In reply to hard session, posted by sunnydays on March 29, 2008, at 14:15:33
Sunnydays, I think the part about projecting a conversation you're having with yourself is such a valuable insight. You don't like your own neediness and suspect you're unlovable, so thus, you think your T was going to be mad at you for emailing.
But he clearly wasn't, which I think is wonderful. He is telling you to let up on yourself and let him take care of you, so I don't think you should worry about it.
This is the end of the thread.
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