Posted by sunnydays on March 29, 2008, at 14:15:33
So it was a hard session with T. I've been freaking out that he doesn't like me because he didn't answer my emails this week. I knew he probably wasn't there, but I still freaked out. He told me today that he wasn't there because he was really overwhelmed because a patient of his killed himself and he's stressed about his kids and it was all just too much. So he took off for two days. I then got really quiet and then I said, "So it was bad then for me to email you so much." He said, "Why, because you're supposed to know what I'm thinking and feeling?" And I said, "Yes," and he said, "Well, I don't think that's possible, sunnydays." I sat there trying not to cry with my eyes closed and he said, "I think you're taking on a lot that's not yours to take on."
We talked more about how maybe there's a part of me that really doesn't want to email him so much and doesn't want to have to need him so much, and that maybe it's not that I'm worried he doesn't like me, maybe I'm projecting a conversation I'm having with myself. Which makes sense to me. And I said, "But I don't know how to make myself stop." And he said, "Of course not. It's not your job to know how, it's more my job to help you talk about how this might relate to you. It's not your job to know how to do anything in here. But I know that's your main method of control is to know things, and it scares you to not know things."
So he was sort of reassuring, but at the same time I left feeling like I need to try really hard not to email him. So I am. But I'm also sad.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:820522
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/820522.html