![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phillipa on February 4, 2008, at 12:38:05
This is about sex and pleasure. I don't get pleasure from sex and really never have wasn't sexually abused but told it was a bad thing. So no feeling that lead to sex anyone else like this. I read the med board and seems like that is the most important thing. Not to me and never has been am I wierd? Love Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on February 4, 2008, at 13:03:40
In reply to Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some as s, posted by Phillipa on February 4, 2008, at 12:38:05
No Phillipa, you are not weird.. To be told sex is bad I think causes you to define it that way. To redefine it as something pleasurable requires skilled help. I too have issues with it due to my childhood which I am only now getting to the bottom of which may ultimately show abuse. I am just not sure yet. I dissociated too much during my childhood to tell you what happened in it. I know I was a child everyone was a child at some point, that is all I can tell you. I do know sex and its components was always being discussed in our household and my grandparents as a bad thing. So I too got that impression. I can remember hearing my aunt saying "it hurt so damn bad you could not walk afterwards for several days. " And being a kid I took that literally. How is that for a great beginning thought on sex. "hey do you want to have sex with me, ugh no I want to walk for the next several days". and of course no one ever told me differently and I of course never told anyone what i heard. So things you are told when you are young really impact you.....of course I now know what she meant....took me years to figure that one out. I actually have parts of me that have the sex stuff, me I have nothing to do with it as I want to walk(lol and other messed up ideas I got as a kid)...how dumb is that...it is so messed up....
So no you are not weird, unless I can join you there? lol rsk
Posted by Phillipa on February 4, 2008, at 19:41:56
In reply to Re: Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some, posted by rskontos on February 4, 2008, at 13:03:40
Thanks many messages were given with same type info. So that is why. And even first husband thought it was bad of me to talk about it. Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on February 4, 2008, at 21:45:12
In reply to Re: Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some » rskontos, posted by Phillipa on February 4, 2008, at 19:41:56
Well he is just a bonehead then.......sorry maybe you and he are still friends but he needs a cyber slap...rsk
Posted by Dinah on February 5, 2008, at 0:30:01
In reply to Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some as s, posted by Phillipa on February 4, 2008, at 12:38:05
It's not terribly delicate for me. I've never made a secret about my difficulties in this area. I remember when my mother first had the talk with me, and my reaction was a combination of surprise at the improbability of it all and "yechhhh".
And my mother quite liked the activity. (Double yechhhh.)
So the opposite message being given to a child apparently doesn't help any either.
Posted by rskontos on February 5, 2008, at 9:44:35
In reply to Re: Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some » Phillipa, posted by Dinah on February 5, 2008, at 0:30:01
Well, since my own mother had numerous affairs I would assume she enjoyed it. That did not help me think it was ok, I numerous issues with the whole thing. It is talked about as bad, but then she took us on these numerous affairs. But I dissociated and have not regained all the memories yet. They are just now coming back hazy. Double yechhh is right....rsk
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 5, 2008, at 10:21:30
In reply to Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some as s, posted by Phillipa on February 4, 2008, at 12:38:05
Well, dear Phillipa: Different stuff for different people........I was sexually abused (cannot remember it), and I LOVE LOVE LOVE (did I say...love)? Sex and intimacy.
The real irony is that since my divorce almost 3 years ago, that has not happened, because I want it to be with someone I love, but I have splinters under my fingernails from climbing the walls!!
I guess the question is; do you want to enjoy sex? Would you like more information on how to do that? I've read reports and statistics on women and their sexuality it astounds me that only 1/3 of women have orgasms through intercourse.
I have (perhaps more info. that you wanted, LOL, LOL) never NOT had an orgasm.....wonder how long I can hang on? I had 36 years of fantastic sex; unfortunately he was abusive; sex was the only good thing....I was brought up very repressed (Baptist church, controlling mother, etc., etc.....but my wild-child self wasn't ever repressed; even tho I joined the army!
LOL; No accounting for genetics!
Hugs n Smiles, Francesca (allison)
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 5, 2008, at 10:28:44
In reply to Re: Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some, posted by rskontos on February 5, 2008, at 9:44:35
P.S. Growing up I had NO information about sex at all. Nothing in the movies, media, magazines, tv; I was without a clue and then I joined the army and went from a little town in Maine to San Francisco at the height of the Vietnam war, hippies, peace, drugs, etc., etc.......was in culture shock for a year!
Perhaps having no information, or pre-conceived ideas, allowed me to experience my sexual self....I just did what felt good; still would like to experience that again, but holding out until I can be with a man I am in love with (or at least REALLY attracted to, LOL, lOL)
I guess I was born a really passionate person (in all ways): born dancer, singer, writer.....
Smiles, Francesca
In other words, I am in touch with myself (no pun intended); tsk, tsk...bad Francesca!
Posted by raisinb on February 5, 2008, at 19:45:23
In reply to Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some as s, posted by Phillipa on February 4, 2008, at 12:38:05
Phillippa, I don't think you need to feel weird. From all the people I've been close enough to to know about their sexual quirks, I think it's weird *not* to have some issue with sex, whatever it may be.
I tend to get a lot of physical pleasure out of it, but I can't connect sex and intimacy. I often use it to *avoid* real emotional connection, which is painful and scary for me. I have had great sex with lots of people, and I've loved a few, but it doesn't seem like the twain shall ever meet. That makes me sad when I think about it.
Posted by Justherself54 on February 5, 2008, at 20:21:19
In reply to Re: Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some as s, posted by raisinb on February 5, 2008, at 19:45:23
I'm of the mindset that you can't get pleasure from someone else until you've learned how to pleasure yourself (hope I'm putting this delicately enough).
I believe a body is beautiful, and we are all born with unique parts designed just for that..
When you find out what works for you, then you can you educate your lover..
Posted by rskontos on February 5, 2008, at 23:21:42
In reply to Re: Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some, posted by Justherself54 on February 5, 2008, at 20:21:19
Nicely said justherself...rsk
Posted by Bodhisattva on February 5, 2008, at 23:24:13
In reply to Delicate Topic may require a trigger for some as s, posted by Phillipa on February 4, 2008, at 12:38:05
Yes, you're weird. Please join the club and receive a free combination pogo-stick-clock-radio-toaster-oven-crowbar-spatula as a welcome gift.
*note: batteries not included and may cause dry mouth, stock market crash, and in rare cases possible artificial insemination.
Seriously though. Sex and pleasure are often very tricky things to get in combination. For animals, it is a thing done only for reproduction. Entirely business-like, absolutely no frills.
For us, our brains are much more involved. Which makes stress, preconceptions, and any other random thoughts a factor. This sounds like something that will be a serious hurdle for you. And I say this because it IS important. You're missing out on feeling something that is entirely beyond words( not to mention all the funny faces ).
I'm sure there is a solution, just keep looking.
Have you had a serious discussion about this with your partner?
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.