Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 807673

Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Don't knw If this belongs here.

Posted by Phillipa on January 19, 2008, at 13:10:02

I'm having horrible nightmares lately about my ex and his wife she was in the picture for seven years before we divorced and I feel so inferior to her. She also is a nurse but she gets so intimate with him and doesn't mean it she pretends I know this this as my youngest lived with them and she has had every plastic surgery known and my ex always said he didn't believe in it. I see her in spiked heels and or so perfect and me so ugly and old her young and pretty.We're the same age too. Anyone have any theories on this dreaming it's making me very scared about upcoming ob-gyn surgery and some plastic. Am I selfish? Is this what they say about life flashing before you before the end as I'm so much older than you all. If not in right place that's okay will be redireted I guess. Essentially I'm terrified of surgery and these nightmares of how much better she is than me. Love Phillipa

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here.

Posted by star008 on January 19, 2008, at 15:24:46

In reply to Don't knw If this belongs here., posted by Phillipa on January 19, 2008, at 13:10:02

phillipa,,

You are not being selfish. there is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself and wanting to feel better about yourself. The plastic sutgery part probably just stirred up thoughts of her and you have feelings of being inferior because of everything that happened. This is about you, not her and how you to compare to her.. It is about you and helping you to feel better.. I don't think your life is flashing before your eyes phillipa.. I think you are nervous about the surgery. Try not to worry. Easy for me to say, I know.

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here.

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 19, 2008, at 17:58:16

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here., posted by star008 on January 19, 2008, at 15:24:46

phillipa,
you ever try talking about this stuff with your therapist? These are strong feelings and the fact that they are coming through in your dreams suggests that there are unresolved issues in your real life. I bet you are right when you link the nightmares to the upcoming surgeries. that makes a lot of sense to me, at least.

I just wonder what your T would say. Remember, you can say ANYTHING to a therapist; just because she does CBT or DBT or hypnosis or whatever-- don't censor your thoughts. They understand us as whole people, as long as we present ourselves as such (so hard!!!!)

take good care,
-Ll

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here.

Posted by Phillipa on January 19, 2008, at 20:08:29

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here., posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 19, 2008, at 17:58:16

Thanks for the replies yes the T and I discussed the plastics stuff and she feels it for people our age not the youngsters if you know what I mean. What hurt a lot t knows is my youngest Daughter said I'm too old for surgery and this has triggered all my past issues. My first husband literally ruined me sexually, womanly. Can't openly write it embarrassing to me. Let's just say he took over where my Mother left off sex is bad but roll over and one is the same as the other. That hurts a lot. So much I want nothing to do with it. There I ranted. Sorry. I just can't believe a husband would say you want to be a nurse to get a doctor for husband and meanwhile he was cheating on me for seven years with a nurse. And I didn't even know it. Man I'm stupid. PHillipa

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Phillipa

Posted by 10derHeart on January 19, 2008, at 23:20:18

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here., posted by Phillipa on January 19, 2008, at 20:08:29

Phillipa,

You are not stupid. Having a spouse cheat on you, whether you knew about it or not, is not something *you* did. It was done to you. On man's ability to hide wrongs and successfully deceive you, hardly makes *you* the stupid one. Enough said.

Maybe you were busy, distracted, possibly raising children, trusting, loving, caring, maybe even naive (not that you were, but maybe) but even so, none of those equates to stupid.

I don't like it when people call those I care about stupid. So quit it, 'kay? ;-)

I'm so sorry you were the victim of such horrid treatment in the past by people who should have been caring for you - as a child and adult. I hope as you trust your T. more you'll be able to share some of this painful stuff. I think it could really help you feel less burdened in the here and now.

I really believe it can get better, no matter when we start the healing process (that's right, not allowed to say you're *too old!*)
((Phillipa))

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » 10derHeart

Posted by Phillipa on January 20, 2008, at 0:06:16

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Phillipa, posted by 10derHeart on January 19, 2008, at 23:20:18

l0derheart your name suits you so well. Thank-you you know just the right things to say. Love Phillipa

 

thx. :-) (nm) » Phillipa

Posted by 10derHeart on January 20, 2008, at 13:36:34

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » 10derHeart, posted by Phillipa on January 20, 2008, at 0:06:16

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Phillipa

Posted by Kath on January 24, 2008, at 16:22:57

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » 10derHeart, posted by Phillipa on January 20, 2008, at 0:06:16

Hi Phillilpa,

Hugs to you & ditto to all the nice, supportive stuff said above.

You certainly aren't too old to have surgery!!!! What a preposterous idea!! (Thanks, you gave me a chance to use a really cool word)

I think when people say mean things, they often are feeling something uncomfortable themselves. That goes for Moms, spouses, 'friends', children, siblings, etc.

It makes sense you'd be nervous about surgery & that it might stir things up for you!

I'm 60, and if this type of thing happened to me, I would NOT think it had anything to do with my life flashing by. It's just that this is stirring things up for you; understandaby.

I am so PROUD of you that you're having the surgery because YOU want to!!!!

It's not easy getting a little older & I think we can start to sort of 'second guess' ourselves.

Lately, if a store clerk calls me 'honey' or 'dear', I internally cringe & flip out!!! I think 'Do I look THAT old?!!!' BUT more than once, on my way out of the store, I've heard them call someone MUCH younger than me the same things.

I think our culture makes it HARD for women to age. Men, on the other hand, of course, become 'distinguished', 'dignified' - whatEVER. It's a very double standard & makes me very angry.
The result is that women have a hard time adjusting to getting older. It actually started several years ago, but as I get even older (oh DREADED WORD) I notice it more. I have to FIGHT buying into it!! Sometimes I'll wonder if I am 'too old' to wear something. For ex I have a pair of winter boots that I actually bought in the kids' section. They're sort of like snowmobile boots & have bright orange laces. They're really easy to slip on & off & are comfy. Yet I've found myself thinking, "Do I look ridiculous wearing these?" Simply because of my age.

When is your surgery?

luv, Kath

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Kath

Posted by Phillipa on January 24, 2008, at 19:20:32

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Phillipa, posted by Kath on January 24, 2008, at 16:22:57

Feb. 20 if anesthesia clears me. Thanks Kath and what you said is so true men age well and sometimes look more handsome. Love Phillipa

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Phillipa

Posted by Kath on January 24, 2008, at 20:15:07

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Kath, posted by Phillipa on January 24, 2008, at 19:20:32

I think the main thing is that there isn't the pressure for men to look ANY particular way as they age.....they just get older.

For women, there seems to be so much pressure to NOT age!!!!!!! And a lot of the pressure is put on women by themselves & society.

Anyway Phillipa, I think your stress & even dreams are not a sign of anything bad & I hope you're cleared okay.

hugs, kath

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Kath

Posted by Phillipa on January 24, 2008, at 20:31:38

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Phillipa, posted by Kath on January 24, 2008, at 20:15:07

Kath me too and it's very scarey to know you are risking your health to look better and out all the money which what is the reason for having as can't take it with you. Love Phillipa

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Phillipa

Posted by Kath on January 24, 2008, at 20:36:41

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Kath, posted by Phillipa on January 24, 2008, at 20:31:38

Hey - if ya have the money - enjoy it - that's what I think!!!

My family doctor had facial cosmetic surgery a couple of years ago. He is in his late 50's I guess. And now he provides restylne - or some name like that. I am afraid of needles, so wouldn't get anything injectible, plus I'd be afraid of how it might affect one down the road.

Hope you're feeling more relaxed about the fact that you're planning to go ahead, no matter what your kids say.

luv, kath

 

Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Kath

Posted by Phillipa on January 24, 2008, at 20:41:36

In reply to Re: Don't knw If this belongs here. » Phillipa, posted by Kath on January 24, 2008, at 20:36:41

Restalyne only lasts a few months and need more and it's expensive. At least this is gone from the stomach forever maybe to the butt but it's flat so wouln't find that. Kids not speaking to me for unknown reasons so detaching. Love Phillipa


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.