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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 30. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
I told my T that I have been hiding in my car at lunch again because I need to be completely alone and even the public library is too noisy and busy. She's worried because it's around 9 degrees outside and she's afraid I will freeze. I told her I run the heater a little bit and cover with blankets.
She suggested I wear a walkman (I don't have an ipod) and listen to a book on CD at the library. I guess I could try that, but there would still be people around. I really just want to be completely alone.
It's probably more depression related than sensory defensive related, but I just don't want to be around anyone. I want to isolate from everyone, but I have to go to work as I need the paycheck and if I stay in the office during lunch there is always someone else there. I can't hide in the ladies room as it's for the entire floor of office suites. I will give the walkman a try, maybe I can close my eyes.
Isolating Poet
Posted by star008 on January 20, 2008, at 15:36:08
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
I can understand poet.. You just don't want to have to talk to anyone at work andif you are stuck with them you will have to talk. When I am depressed I have noticed that loud public places really get on my nerves and I wish people would just shut up.It does seem that it is awfully cold for you to be out in the car..the heater should be warm enough though.. make sure you open your window a bit though, okay? Walkman might help too. At least you don't have to listen to all the talk.. I tend to isolate too but have to make do at work.. No where to hide and we aren't allowed to leave for lunch.
Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2008, at 16:44:45
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
I wouldn't underestimate the sensory part. That's what I'm finding as I go back to working at the office. It's overwhelming to me, and I perfectly understand eating in your car. It's something I frequently do anyway. And I've decided that taking a break mid-workday to sit someplace silent is absolutely necessary if I'm to stick it out. And sticking it out doesn't seem at all appealing right now.
I do the iPod earphones thing too. I know it's antisocial, but what I'm trying to stop is people interacting with me, so antisocial is what I'm going for.
It's not precisely that I don't like to talk to people. But I don't like to have interruptions while I'm working. It brings in that startle response and ramps up my adrenaline.
Posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 18:42:54
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by star008 on January 20, 2008, at 15:36:08
Hi Star008,
I don't think I could handle not being able to leave the office for lunch. I keep telling my T I need a private office with a door that locks (a luxary I had until the 1999 job meltdown.) I think tomorrow I will try the library with a walkman as it is really freezing out there.
Thank you for understanding and I wish you could find some privacy at work or at least time to get away.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 18:45:18
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by Dinah on January 20, 2008, at 16:44:45
Hi Dinah,
My T would agree with you on the sensory defensive part. It's why I don't go to a store and hang out for an hour. Too bright and loud.
I can't wear headphones at work as I am the primary person who answers the phone (which half the time makes me jump when it rings) but I will try it at the library until the January freeze is over.
Poet
Posted by Daisym on January 20, 2008, at 22:06:14
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
Hi Poet,
I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now. Is there something specific that makes it harder?
I think a walkman is a great idea. And at the library, usually there are private rooms for groups to meet in but I find if I take one over, noone usually bothers me. At the University library they have little rooms to listen to tapes, so those are private too.
Good luck with this. Everyone needs a place of serenity.
Posted by JoniS on January 21, 2008, at 7:49:32
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
Hi Poet
Sorry you are having a difficult time right now. I like to get that privacy, serenity from listing to my ipod (walkman -same)too. One thing you might want to do is include some upbeat music. My kids told me my music choices are all depressing. I didn't think so, but maybe, then again, it does tend to be the case. I added some upbeat music, still have the other, but some fun, light stuff - mostly from high school days can be helpful.
Best to you
Joni
Posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 11:14:51
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
(( Poet ))
Have you worked on/ been working on why you can't stand being around people?
I get that way when I feel the shame in me strongly. I feel scarecely fit for human company, and I get afraid they will see the grossness that is me. So I isoltae.
Its never a good thing to isolate.
Do you have a trusted workmate that is understanding that you could find a quiet spot to sit and eat, and mebbe talk a bit or not talk?
Or tell them DO NOT DISTURB, when you are in your quiet place, give them some line bout praying or meditating.....
What about earmuffs/plugs or something?
One thing I have found, is that if you honest to some safe degree that you have struggles, you'll get a variety of reactions, NOT all negative for SURE. Cuz most have struggles, just the way life is.
Its a shame there is not a quiet spot for people to destress a bit. We have a park not far from us, and on nice days I often see loners, just being quiet, eating and chilling.
So I don't think you are weird or anything Poet for wanting down time.
Just matter of finding it w/o freezing!!!!
Take care Poet.
M
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:17:01
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by Daisym on January 20, 2008, at 22:06:14
Hi Daisy,
What's making it hard for me is a co-worker who is like a dooms day profit, she keeps saying the company is going under. Her rumor spreading despite my attempts to ignore it gets to me. When you base your self-esteem on career and have been unemployed for lengthy periods of time the last thing you need to hear is someone saying we're all going to lose our jobs.
That is why I need a serenity place to escape from. T agrees she just doesn't want me to freeze in my car. In the warmer months my car is my safe haven. The library was closed yesterday and today I ran some errands, so tomorrow I will head with my walkman to the library and hopefully find some peace.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:20:26
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by JoniS on January 21, 2008, at 7:49:32
Hi Joni,
I will include some upbeat music- good idea. I'm thinking of getting some really good earplugs, too, something pdoc has suggested.
Serenity for all.
Poet
Posted by ClearSkies on January 22, 2008, at 13:23:56
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
My vote is also for the iPod - Library - car keeping yourself isolated from the sensory overwhelmedness that just BEING with the rest of the world can bring. I got all excited today when I found a whole bunch of free podcasts of guided meditations; really relaxing stuff. You might have to get creative in finding the peace you need in the middle of the day, but I'm with the others in thinking that this isolating; considering that your work during the day means that you're "on" and having to be fully engaged with others at all times, is really a refuge for you and a good thing.
CS
Posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 13:25:40
In reply to Re: Isolating » JoniS, posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:20:26
Poet, if you are buying earphones, look into the ones that are sold by the airline catalogs. My husband travels a lot and he bought some through one of those magazines and they are specially designed to filter out airplane noise so you can listen to music etc or have silence. rsk
Posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 13:28:31
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 13:25:40
Poet, I, like you, am very anti-social. My T/p-doc is trying to get me to join new groups( like a reading book group because I read a lot but I shy away from it. So I know what you mean about finding a place to be alone, I would call it hiding because that is what i do. I sometimes have to take a xanax just to go to the grocery store.....rk
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:33:29
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 11:14:51
Hi Muffled,
Being sensory defensive I have a hard time tuning out other people. I get sensory overload and start stressing out. T suggested the walkman, Dr. Clueless has suggested really good earplugs (your good idea, too) I am going to find some earplugs.
I don't trust anyone I work with, one of my co-workers spreads rumors and she would run with anything I disclose. I just want a private office with a door that locks. I had it once, sigh, probably never again. Damn meltdowns.
As always thanks for your help.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:35:01
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:33:29
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 14:54:14
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by ClearSkies on January 22, 2008, at 13:23:56
Hi CS,
Maybe this isolating isn't as much being depressed and wanting to hide from the entire world as just needing to be someplace quiet. At work I am rarely left completely alone. Right now I'm babbling because the people who annoy me the most aren't around. A rare moment of peace.
Tomorrow I take solice at the library with my walkman and maybe some good earplugs. I never realized how noisy libraries are- can't people turn newspaper pages without cracking them? Argh.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 15:02:45
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 13:28:31
Hi RK,
I can handle the grocery store, but am known to talk outloud to myself about how I can't stand it. I took clonazepam when I was taking classes last year. I loved my online class, if I could have taken all of them that way I would have. I still hide in the back of the room like I did when I was a kid even with clonazepam.
I will look for airline headphones as I really want to block outside noises. I used to think that I didn't like libraries because of the used books, now I'm thinking it's a combination of used books and the noise. I just want to scream SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Thanks for your idea on headphones and for your understanding.
Poet
Posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 15:50:15
In reply to Re: Isolating » rskontos, posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 15:02:45
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2008, at 16:34:29
In reply to Re: Isolating » rskontos, posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 15:02:45
That was the major focus of our session today, other than my getting mad at him for wanting to work on how to make going to the office easier instead of understanding that I didn't want to make something so unpleasant easier. I wanted it to stop.
But after that we talked about earphones, and yes the noise cancelling sort, and fluorescent bulbs as one of the main culprits at workplaces with their constant hum and flickering, and the temperature and how just the temperature can cause overall agitation. My office is hot, perhaps because everyone controlling the thermostats is over sixty. Although I think we also figured out that there's a spot in my actual office (shared with one other person) where heat flowed from a lower floor directly through our carpet and into our room.
At any rate, the overall message was to look for those sources of discomfort you *can* minimize, then minimize them. (I'm not quite sure how he thinks I can tell my officemate to turn off the lights and use lamps instead.)
At any rate, you might wish to look for some of those almost subliminal sources of stimulation. Vibrations from office machinery, lights, sounds. And see if there's anything that can be done.
Not much to do about the coworker of gloom I suppose. Is there some way you can make her find talking to you about such things so uncomfortable that she seeks out someone else to catastrophize with? Answer her in such a way that she finds talking to you about it completely frustrating or unpleasant, but without actually being rude?
Posted by raisinb on January 22, 2008, at 16:40:08
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2008, at 16:34:29
I don't know if this will help, but I am an earplug conoisseur (I live next to train tracks), and the best ones I've found are these purple foam ones that come in a big plastic jar at Walgreen's (not sure of the brand). They'll give you complete and utter silence.
Posted by antigua3 on January 24, 2008, at 8:03:47
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
Hi Poet,
I have faith in you that you'll figure this out and find a way that works well for you.Noisy, crowded, lit places distress me greatly. My T always turns the light down automatically before we begin our session. Except at night--when I demand bright light--I get overloaded easily by sound and light. (This past weekend my husband & I went to someone's house for dinner, and they were so loud and self-absorbed with constant chatter about themselves, that when I got home I was just exhausted by the overload.)
And people who are in constant motion distress me also--it's like, "Can't you sit still for even a moment?" (My DH is this way and I have to get away from him when he's like this)
I truly value my personal time alone, and I've learned that it is essential for me to have that time to reflect, or to center myself, so that I can rejuvenate; otherwise, I'm no good.
We have a new library with REAL quiet rooms. I'm like you, our old one was just so noisy I just wanted to scream, "Didn't anyone teach you that a library is a QUIET place?"
So I go to my quiet room when I can, and I even usually take some extra time for myself when I go out to pick up my kids from something.
Just be careful, though, and make sure the isolating is not the really depressive kind. If it is, you know something's wrong and you'll have to dig just a little bit deeper. Yes, that's hard, but you have made such huge progress and it may be time for another dive into something deeper.
Lastly, I've worked at so many places that have folded, gone under or been sold, so I've been around the doom and gloom. It's hard to turn off, especially for people like us who base so much of our self esteem on our work, but take a deep breath and say something like, "Well, I just can't even think or talk about that right now. I need to focus on what I'm doing," and then turn your back and get back to work. Don't get worked up, because if it is to be, you have no control over it. And everytime you get stronger.
One last thing (sorry for being so long), but when I had to "drop" out of my career to take care of myself, I thought all of the time lost was for naught. But now that I'm getting back into work, I realize how much I truly learned in the process. You may not be back on top yet, but your time will come again, when you are ready. I truly believe this, because you are a talented woman.
Take care,
antigua
Posted by Poet on January 24, 2008, at 9:37:15
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2008, at 16:34:29
Hi Dinah,
I hate fluorescent lights, I would much rather just turn them all off and use a desk lamp, but I am not alone in my work area, either. I am near a printer, the copy machine and a postage machine all of which make noise. Argh.
There are only seven people in office/company and I unfortunately share an open space with Gossip-Gloom Girl. She goes to lunch everyday with the other support staff person, so at least she doesn't want to hang with me. I wouldn't let her if she did.
I wish us all peace and solace in the workplace.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 24, 2008, at 9:49:07
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by raisinb on January 22, 2008, at 16:40:08
Hi Rainsinb,
I am heading to Walgreens today and I hope they have the purple earplugs in stock. I so need silence. If they drown out trains they will definitely drown out people and various other noises.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 24, 2008, at 9:56:18
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by antigua3 on January 24, 2008, at 8:03:47
Hi Antigua,
Thank you for your truly kind words and for your belief in my talent.
It probably is time to dig deeper into my latest depression, I think that listening to gossip that we're all going to be out of work soon is a major contributor. I try hard to just shrug off what she says as she is prone to exaggerate, but I can't tune her completly out either. I wish I could wear earplugs all day, but I have to answer the phone and I do alot of dictation (would you believe I still hear her in the background even while doing dictation?)
My T never turns her overhead lights on, she uses a floor lamp and two table lamps which are kept high enough to see, but not bright enough to annoy.
It's comforting to know that I am not alone with my sensory issues. I wish my library had a real quiet room. One man (who doesn't look homeless) seems to always fall asleep and snore. I am getting my earplugs on the way there today.
Poet
Posted by 10derHeart on January 24, 2008, at 13:26:20
In reply to Re: Isolating » antigua3, posted by Poet on January 24, 2008, at 9:56:18
Hi Poet,
You are so not alone in the sensory stuff. It's been a part of my ADD for as long as I can remember. So funny - I used to do some transcription when I was a paralegal in the military and I could often hear other people's blathering on - especially about upsetting or frankly - stupid - things, and all that even when supposedly they were "being quiet" around me. Boy do I know what you mean. I wonder if people like your coworker really even realize how they are coming across when they talk like that so much.
Lights, noise, people's movements, smells - gosh, we ought to start a whole, ongoing thread just on this alone, 'cause I could go on and on. Maybe not on this board, though. I don't go here with my T. too much - seems like a thing I have to cope with on my own. He does also turn off his overhead lights for me, dims the others, and will open/close blinds as I wish, too. He's really very nice about it. He has a white noise machine now, too, which helps when sometimes there's stuff bleeding through from the adjacent offices.
The earplugs should help. For me, it's tough, because I get irritated and distracted by the idea/sensation of how most earplugs feel in my ears. But that *won't* happen to you, I'm sure. And I can overcome that if I try - it's just hard.
Stay warm, Poet.
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