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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dancinbillie on December 24, 2007, at 13:21:16
For background, see "Banned from PHP". I'm freaking out now, though, because I can't stop thinking about XX. She is on my mind all the time. I'm dreaming about her. And the creepiest thing to me is that I'm feeling sexually attracted to her - just the thing that caused the big problem in the first place - but at that point, I was NOT attracted to her sexually. I'm female, 43, and I've always identified as heterosexual - the attachments I've had to women in the past did have a slight sexual component in that I wondered what they looked like when they had sex (which is weird enough!!!!!) - but now I'm finding myself actually wanting to have sex with XX. Not that it's going to happen - but I can't figure out what's going on in my head!!!!! Any ideas??
Posted by star008 on December 24, 2007, at 21:07:39
In reply to What is wrong with me????, posted by dancinbillie on December 24, 2007, at 13:21:16
This is a tough one. I understand you were hurt and feel victimized by the whole ordeal and now it is all you are focusing on. You have other things to deal with but this is taking up your whole world..Sometimes we over-focus on one thing and in a way are able to avoid looking at the other issues we need to address..Easy for me to say, but you have to let this go and look elsewhere for a treatment program. There is more going on there than they are saying and I am afraid you are not going to get anywhere with them. And even if they letyou back in, would you even want to be there now?? It would be too strange.
As far as the attraction thing goes. Have you thought that maybe you are bi-curious?? Most heterosexual women don't visualize other women having sex and they don't fantasize about having sex with othr women. So,, maybe you are going through aperiod of confusion. There is nothing wrong with it if you are..There are alot of Bi's out there. I can only guess so don't take my words as if I actually know what is going on with you. I think you are still very attacted to her and knwing you can't be with her only makes it worse.
You need to stop worrying about whose fault it was and how things went. She clearly over-stepped some boundaries and made some mistakes.. Your intensity might have frightened her.. Who knows??
I hope things let up for you a bit. Start looking for somewhere else. It will give you somethng else to focus on.. try to have a peaceful holiday.
Posted by Bodhisattva on December 26, 2007, at 11:09:36
In reply to What is wrong with me????, posted by dancinbillie on December 24, 2007, at 13:21:16
As for your recent thoughts and attraction, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. People evolve throughout their lives and our sexuality is no different. Perhaps you should explore these newfound tastes. The way I see it, sources of pleasure in this world are few enough why keep yourself from one? At the very least you would satisfy your curiosity.
Whatever you decide to do, try to be honest with those around you. It's a hard thing to do and I've struggled with it myself, but the results are always beneficial.
Posted by dancinbillie on December 26, 2007, at 13:39:08
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me???? » dancinbillie, posted by Bodhisattva on December 26, 2007, at 11:09:36
Bless your hearts, both of you. I really appreciate your posts. I imagine that because in the world I grew up and the people I grew up with classified bi- and/or homosexuality as "aberrant," my first reaction to these (immensely pleasurable) sexual feelings and dreams about XX was panic.
XX is the first woman with whom I've truly wanted to engage in sexual activity. Prior, yes, I would fantasize about women and visualize them having sex, but was not interested in participating. This time is very different. I talked to my husband of 12 years about this (we've been together since childhood, started dating in 1978) and been very open with him - his reaction was that the only thing that concerned him is that I would decide I'd rather be with a female partner and so would leave him. He himself went through a period of several years, till he was 25 or so, during which he engaged in sex with men, and I certainly had a lot of feelings about that . . . not the least of which was arousal . . .
I've also talked with my one sister about it, and she's fine with it too - in fact, she said it didn't surprise her at all, which actually made me feel a little weird! I've mentioned it to my mom, very briefly, but I know she understood and didn't give me a hard time about it.
I talked with my T about it today, just a bit, and we're going to talk further about it on Friday. She noticed a pattern, in that every "crush" I've had on a woman (starting back in 1st grade) has been on a woman in a caretaking role. I'm adopted and have always had some attachment issues, particularly with my mom when I was young - my T describes this as "insecure attachments."
Sorry for babbling on and on - and thank you so much for listening!
DB
> As for your recent thoughts and attraction, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. People evolve throughout their lives and our sexuality is no different. Perhaps you should explore these newfound tastes. The way I see it, sources of pleasure in this world are few enough why keep yourself from one? At the very least you would satisfy your curiosity.
>
> Whatever you decide to do, try to be honest with those around you. It's a hard thing to do and I've struggled with it myself, but the results are always beneficial.
This is the end of the thread.
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