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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 11:06:11
i just wanted to watch a movie this weekend and i like adam sandler so i decided to rent Reign over Me.
it was about a guy (sandler) who lost his family in 911 and meets an old college roommate blah blah.**spoiler alert**
so i rented it and actually was suprised. kinda triggering. brought back lots of fears.
he was so depressed that he chose to forget everything and became almost a hermit from his depression/grief. then as he supposed to be getting help from pdoc he gets worse (as do we all), and he tries to off himself. but he used the exact method that i've dreamed of many...MANY times. he held an (unloaded) gun and hoped cops would shoot him...they didn't. he got arrested and almost committed. the scenes in the psych ward, brought back all the memories of the crisis center i went to. it was one step away from the state "institue". and i was almost committed unvoluntarily. i can't even tell you how close it was...
it reminded me that if i 'try S. again and fail. that i will most likely be committed to that state facility.
if i wasn't crazy before...i would be.
and i WOULD die in there.i'm almost to scared to even keep talking about being suicidal to my T OR pdoc (whom i see tomorrow).
so i guess my question is. how much suicide talk can you have before people finally say (its time to stop 'dealing' with her and just lock her away where she belongs')...
Posted by Muffled on November 5, 2007, at 13:55:57
In reply to watching a triggering movie**trigger, posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 11:06:11
he held an (unloaded) gun and hoped cops would shoot him...they didn't. he got arrested and almost committed.
*I had a loaded gun...but put it down when the cops came cuz i didn't want someone to have to live with killing me.
I WAS involuntarily committed.
I don't watch movies or TV much,too many triggers for me, too unexpected.the scenes in the psych ward, brought back all the memories of the crisis center i went to. it was one step away from the state "institue". and i was almost committed unvoluntarily. i can't even tell you how close it was...
*I guess hosp, fortunately, was not so bad for me. I was so drugged up I was just cruisin along in zombieland. What would frighten me is to be committed with noone to advocate for me(I had sis at that time). I even escaped!!! the first time!!! LOL! Made a zombie break for it! Next time they were more careful not to let me escape. Oh well.
> it reminded me that if i try S. again and fail. that i will most likely be committed to that state facility.
**well, you got people to advocate for you. It would be OK. Not that i want you to try S. obvo, but that if you ever DO need to keep yourself safe, well, it would proly be OK to goto hosp.
> if i wasn't crazy before...i would be.
> and i WOULD die in there.*I always say the same thing, If I get locked up I would die. But Y'know...I HAVE been locked up....God almighty...sigh...more'n once...in diff places(detox,jail,hosp, all short term mostly)....well, anyhow, I didn't die, I just coped. And so would you B2, its what we do, its what we learned to do very young.
>
> i'm almost to scared to even keep talking about being suicidal to my T OR pdoc (whom i see tomorrow).*Well here in canada, they only will lock you up if they feel your are in actual imminent danger of harming yourself or others.Here its not so easy to get into hosp, ridiculous though that may seem. They tend to just lock people into a 'safe' room in emerg for awhile, drug you up, and kick ya loose a few hours later....
When I told my T to NOT ever touch me, or restrain me, she said, OK, she would do her best, but if I left her office in a 'state', and she felt I was going to harm myself, she would hate to do it, but she WOULD call 911. But it would have to be pretty clear and extreeme to do so. I talk bout wanting to die lotsa times, when I panic, but she knows I wouldn't do that to my kids unless I was totally out of it.
>
> so i guess my question is. how much suicide talk can you have before people finally say (its time to stop 'dealing' with her and just lock her away where she belongs')...
>
*we have had suicidal ideation threads before here. Again, I think we can talk all day bout WANTING to die etc. But when we show CLEAR intent that we plan to carry it out...then thats a whole new ball of wax. Guess it all comes down to being clear with your T bout this....whether at this point its just thots, or whether you DO have a plan to do it :-(
If you feel you are losing control and might actually do it, then you need to be getting strong help.
Be safe B2, you are cared about.
And I think hosp would be OK if it came down to that, for reasons of safety. You got a good T to advocate for you, it would be OK.
Take care
M
Posted by rskontos on November 5, 2007, at 14:46:42
In reply to Re: watching a triggering movie**trigger, posted by Muffled on November 5, 2007, at 13:55:57
B2C, I am so glad Muffled answered you b/c I cared about you and didn't know. I hide my thoughts from everyone. I just tell my T I have dark thoughts and let her guess what they are. We haven't talked about them yet. They are getting worse. This weekend I even plotted it out. but I don't tell only on Babble. It is my only escape place to vent. I think my meds actually made the thoughts worse. JMHO. I had them better but more since I went on the AD. I never had them at all until cymbalta. I am not on cymbalta now a different one and I am starting to have them I don't know . This ad helps the day to day anxiety and the deep depression but seems to increase thoughts of suicide so I probably should get off of it. But this weekend the incident that got those thoughts out of my head was we lost my daughter at a football game for 2 hours and I went hysterical trying to find her. The police weren't much help. She wandered back on her own. It was so traumatic and almost world altering. I still feel very small and humble today. And then afterward a drunk college boy tried to pick me up (I am 48). I started laughing and couldn't stop, my daughter starting laughing as him moved on to her. My son (15) was blown away that these college boys tried to pick us up with him there. Anyway, it blew my dark thoughts away for the evening. But boy was I exhausted after that terrifying incident. I imagined all kinds of bad stuff happening to her. I am still numb but glad she is ok.
I don't tell people my suicidal thoughts for the reason you mentioned how many can you talk about before they commit you because that is what happened to my mother. We(9my sisters and I we were 15m 13, and 5) called 911 because my mother had a breakdown and we didn't know what else to do. So she went away. We were left alone with a distant father who left for work like everything was normal. So I couldn't tell anyone for fear they would tak e me away too.
I worry about you. Please take care. rk
Posted by Muffled on November 5, 2007, at 15:19:54
In reply to Re: watching a triggering movie**trigger, posted by rskontos on November 5, 2007, at 14:46:42
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 5, 2007, at 18:27:27
In reply to watching a triggering movie**trigger, posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 11:06:11
Good question, B2, and one I obviously struggle with. I hate to be dishonest with my T and I don't think it helps to not tell her the truth about how I'm feeling. But it's hard to figure out where the line is between getting T to help me come up with a coping plan and being hospitalized against my will. Maybe some time when you *aren't* suicidal, you could have a more frank discussion with her about what would cause her to consider that option?
I'm sorry it's so bad for you right now. Wish I could help.
Posted by RealMe on November 5, 2007, at 22:43:25
In reply to watching a triggering movie**trigger, posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 11:06:11
Suicide talk may be just that. The decider is if you are an immediate risk or a serious risk in the next 24 hours. I talk about suicide with my T and what I will do, but I don't say I am going to do it when I leave or that I am going to do it the next day as I don't have that plan. If I did, he knows I would not even tell him. By talking about it, we can look at what is it all about. I think that if I got so physcially incapacitated that I could not manage my own life, then I would head for the North Woods in the winter and go off into the wilderness and sit down under a tree in the snow and freezing temps under my blanket and got to sleep.
What scares me is sometimes I have had an urge to jump in front of the Metra train. Once I had to turn my back to the train as it rolled into the station, and I threw up. This was when I was seeing the therapist/pdoc who recommended the ECT, not with my curren T.
Point is that it is a good idea to talk about suicide rather than to act on it.
RealMe
Posted by B2chica on November 6, 2007, at 8:09:23
In reply to Re: watching a triggering movie**trigger, posted by Muffled on November 5, 2007, at 13:55:57
>>>well, you got people to advocate for you. It would be OK. Not that i want you to try S. obvo, but that if you ever DO need to keep yourself safe, well, it would proly be OK to goto hosp.
thanks for reply muffled
but it doesn't really work that way here. the State 'pdoc and T's override your own.
last time they didn't even tell me they were planning to commit me but kept just kept holding me and not telling me ANYTHING, i felt so trapped. you can imagine with my hx how i felt. the typical stay was 2-3 days. they held me 8. it was on that 8th day that the "normal" T came back and he saw me and argued no. i thank god he came back ONE day before they sent me to the state institute! because then...only state people decide. my T AND pdoc both said i shouldnt be, but it didn't matter to the state. they were basically saying well, she WAS seeing you and she still tried to OD. so now we're in charge.
and the psych caregivers i've met for the state are horrible...substandard and should not even be practicing. in fact a few weeks after i was released (the second time) the pdoc for the state was in the paper for sometype of abuse of power and embezelment or some such....yet he still remains in charge there. funny isn't it.
that's how much they care about the care of people in that facility.
Posted by B2chica on November 6, 2007, at 8:13:27
In reply to Re: watching a triggering movie**trigger, posted by rskontos on November 5, 2007, at 14:46:42
Rk YES please be careful with AD...the WORST for me was prozac...i even told my (then) pdoc that i was having thoughts (and i'd never told ANYONE that before) he blew it off like nothing. then later that day i was ready to act called a friend and he took me to the ER. i was so erradic with depression.
maybe try another AD...keep trying!man...so sorry for that memory of yours rk.
isn't it amazing the things that scare the living sh#t out of us. and how long they stick with us.
it's terrifying. and i'm tired of being terrified.
Posted by B2chica on November 6, 2007, at 8:17:40
In reply to Re: watching a triggering movie**trigger » B2chica, posted by RealMe on November 5, 2007, at 22:43:25
>>What scares me is sometimes I have had an urge to jump in front of the Metra train. Once I had to turn my back to the train as it rolled into the station, and I threw up.
oh man do i understand this...this urge is SO strong. and what scares me is i feel i'm gaining impulsivity. and that urge becomes an attempt.
sometimes i feel lucky that i don't live near a large bridge like in california or new york. cuz i'd go there and stand and stare and think. and one day...one of the days with the impulse i'd do it. i'm sure id regret it, but i could never take it back.
that's why i refuse to own a gun. i have that urge many MANY times. but since i dont own one. i can't just quickly get, load and pull.
i have time to think, to change my mind. or time to call someone.
Posted by RealMe on November 6, 2007, at 16:01:06
In reply to Re: watching a triggering movie**trigger » RealMe, posted by B2chica on November 6, 2007, at 8:17:40
I think this means that neither one of us really wants to die. We may think we do, but like if I drove over a bridge too, I would think of driving off of it, and I felt so shakey and scared going over bridges for awhile. I don't feel the bridge thing or Metra anymore, or at least I have not felt it for awhile. I have not felt that anxious and desperate, but I know how scary it is to have the urge. The fact that it is scary, though, means to me that though ambivalent, I really don't want to do it.
RealMe
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