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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 17:08:24
i'm not doing so great. :o( Some things happened IRL that kind of hit me hard.. feel like i was starting to make it to the surface when someone handed me a rock and i sank again. Can't seem to let go of the rock.
i'm not hurting so much as feeling overwhelmed. i tried to just get out for a while today.. it's been a hard week and i was so lonely last night. i just went downtown to be around people.. get a coffee.. but it was a mistake
i have had this happen before... lights are too bright, everything seems on overdrive.. i'm hypersensitive to everything... and i'm on a hair-trigger.. feeling the need to hide, get away.. but i can't.. i can't get away from the stuff in my head. If i stay away from stimulus then i am alone with the monsters in my head and i can't bear them now... i left one message for T, plan to leave another.. he has never seen me like this.
my mind feels squeezed... i can't think straight. i've been having anxiety attacks over and over for a couple of days... that hasn't happened in a while.. i have had an occasional attack but this is happening several times a day and i am exhausted from it..drained.
need dark, need quiet, need peace but i can't.. they won't leave me alone.
i'm sorry i am so whiny.. sorry i am so fragile and sensitive.. i feel so sorry that i am alive
i am so afraid that my life can never be recovered... never come close to what it could have been. why was i born like this? what was so wrong about me?
i need someone... can't process.
i see pdoc monday, but he is not gentle. Can't see T until Tuesday.
i've been invited out to someone's house tonight... don't want to go, want to sit in the dark... don't know which is better or worse. It would be company, distraction and i can drink myself into oblivion where the monsters can't reach me... but i am so hypersensitive.. so scared i will freak out and not really have a good reason to flee.
2mg klono at a time.. high tolerance so it's not helping.. taken almost 6mg already..
imagine being buried alive.. you can't breath, you can't move much, you can't see... clawing, scratching at the coffin lid.. until your fingers are bloody... it you make it through the mud will just pour in and suffocate you anyway
when does this get better? does it get better?
Posted by Raindancer on October 20, 2007, at 17:22:30
In reply to the need to hide, posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 17:08:24
I can't really answer that Dory, but just wanted you to know that I am here and thinking about you and maybe you will feel less alone to know that. If you decide to stay in could you perhaps make yourself a warm drink and perhaps read something mindless (I read old childrens' school stories with happy endings) that is comforting and familiar. The important thing is to hang on in there. The feelings don't go entirely, but I think in time we get better at dealing with them. Take care, you're not alone - you have many friends here at Babble. (((((Dory)))))
Posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 17:46:53
In reply to Re: the need to hide » Dory, posted by Raindancer on October 20, 2007, at 17:22:30
i've decided to go.. i spoke with the friend on the phone and told her about the RL stuff and she understood, so i'll be ok to leave if i need to.. i don't have anyway to distract myself here. kids books would be nice but that would trigger me pretty bad.. some of the monsters in my head are from my childhood.. we recently began trauma work... and Tuesday he had said some pretty potent stuff.. that monster is banging on the door in my head, trying to get at me.
thank you for hearing me.. it does help to know other people are out there
Posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 17:48:55
In reply to the need to hide, posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 17:08:24
this hypersensitivity to just about everything? having to remove all stimulus?
sit in the dark.. quiet... curl up
Posted by rskontos on October 20, 2007, at 19:38:16
In reply to does this happen to anyone else?, posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 17:48:55
Dory, of yes it does. That is when I stay home like now for the past 3-4 days. I am sorry you are having such a tough time. I do understand that need to hide, to get deep inside your head. I call it living in my head.
You sound like you are in so much pain and so much hurting. I hope you can go out and forget for a while. Maybe that will help. Be good to yourself Dory. You are not alone.
((((((((((((((DORY))))))))))))))) I hope you better. Take small steps if you can.
Posted by Raindancer on October 20, 2007, at 19:53:01
In reply to Re: the need to hide » Raindancer, posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 17:46:53
I hope it goes OK for you tonight Dory. You will be in my thoughts. Trauma work is hard and painful, but you are full of courage and can get through this and be an even stronger person in the process. Take care of yourself.
Posted by Phillipa on October 20, 2007, at 21:36:48
In reply to Re: the need to hide, posted by Raindancer on October 20, 2007, at 19:53:01
Going out will help you concentrate or think about interracting with others and that would be a good think. Good luck. Phillipa
Posted by RealMe on October 20, 2007, at 22:55:27
In reply to the need to hide, posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 17:08:24
I hope you went to visit your friends tonight. My T thinks this is something I need to do more of, and I wish I had time. I do some stuff but not nearly enough. Good to engage other people; it does help.
RealMe
Posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 23:16:57
In reply to Re: the need to hide » Dory, posted by RealMe on October 20, 2007, at 22:55:27
i did go visit her... really kind of half wasted When i am struggling i don't set good limits on stuff like drinking.. but at least i am not having a painc attackk
Posted by arora on October 21, 2007, at 14:11:52
In reply to Re: the need to hide, posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 23:16:57
Dory-
I'm glad you got out for a bit, and even if you don't think it helped too much hopefully you are in a better place now than if you hadn't... it is an achievement, so give yourself credit for that. :-)arora
Posted by Dory on October 21, 2007, at 18:37:47
In reply to Re: the need to hide, posted by arora on October 21, 2007, at 14:11:52
thank you :)
today i did better. i went to this nice library that i really love. The bldg has an indoor courtyard with comfy chairs and fountains. i got a coffee and sat there using my computer... it's very relaxing there. It is always calming.
Posted by Raindancer on October 21, 2007, at 18:42:43
In reply to the need to hide, posted by Dory on October 20, 2007, at 17:08:24
That sounds great, Dory. So good that you found a calming place to go and had a better day. Hope tomorrow is good too. Thinking of you.
Posted by rskontos on October 23, 2007, at 11:40:20
In reply to Re: the need to hide » Dory, posted by Raindancer on October 21, 2007, at 18:42:43
You ok Dory, just wanted to check on you. rk
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