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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 10:04:26
http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/babble.pl
Is there hope?
:-(
M
Posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 10:06:36
In reply to I posted above, dunno what to do, posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 10:04:26
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/787236.html
Posted by RealMe on October 6, 2007, at 10:46:31
In reply to try again, posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 10:06:36
Maybe he needs to understand it is not him but the whole thing about sex and that you are working on that in therapy, I presume, and so you don't want him to think it has to do with him.
RealMe
Posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 10:53:39
In reply to Re: try again » muffled, posted by RealMe on October 6, 2007, at 10:46:31
This AM, I said something bout, I don't like it.
And DH say something like, it always this way?
I say, kinda...
He sat, then its all alie, you pretend and lie to me..
SH*T.
M
Posted by RealMe on October 6, 2007, at 11:01:25
In reply to Re: try again, posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 10:53:39
No; he needs to understand it is not a lie; he needs to understand it is not him; he needs to understand that you are scared like a child and why. He needs to understand you need comfort right now. Can you tell him, and can he understand and give you that.
RealMe
Posted by rskontos on October 6, 2007, at 11:09:56
In reply to Re: try again » muffled, posted by RealMe on October 6, 2007, at 11:01:25
yes, I agree. I know how you feel. I don't like it so much anymore. Like I said in my other post, a T that likes it maybe can help more. he is taking it personally and you don't really mean it personally. Men take this that way because they can't understand what we really mean. For him it is a visually physically thing, for us it is a mentally emotional thing. Emotionally you are drained, you are separated from. The emotionally part is governed more by the child inside and she does not like it so therefore right now you don't really. He can't understand that. Somehow maybe T can help you reach a middle ground where he can try to find an level of intimacy that can touch the adult you and let inner child realize it will ok and go away while you the adult has an ok time. Maybe that will work I don't know. I understand what the problem is for both but no solution yet. Maybe understanding at this point is all there is and time will work it out. But men and women have always differed on this topic, thousands of books on the subject, tons of shows from Oprah Dr Phil and many many will testify too. So this isnt' the first time this issue comes up but knowing why it hard for you is important for both of you and it is not your fault so don't be hard on yourself. It is hard for hard though not to take it so personal. I guess if I were in his shoes maybe I would take it that way too as rejection but he must try not to. I mean in all other aspects of your life he understands what you are going though he needs to understand this one aspect is the same. You still love him, the physcial part is just different for you to feel about than it is for him but for him it becomes so BIG. RK Hang in there.
Posted by Dory on October 6, 2007, at 16:26:34
In reply to try again, posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 10:06:36
i'm in a state.. a mess.. you know that from chat.. freaked out.. scared
but i want to help too
you do need to talk to him and tell him why you feel this way... and it might hurt but it has been a bit of a lie.. you love him but sex scares you. It is going to hurt him to know that but to not tell him would be lying right?
He can't understand what he doesn't know.
he can't help you if he doesn't know
couple's counselling?... mostly to help him know you still love him and maybe how he can understand... and maybe be able to work through it enough that you can be close that way again someday
it is going to hurt him, and he is going to feel lied to and angry. There is no way for him not to. Men don't all think that's what it's all about, but they are taught in our part of the planet that they are not manly if something isn't right in bed... that even if love doesn't = sex, they will wonder if no sex=no love. He can't help that part. Not his fault.
it's a sticky situation.. i am sorry.. i know it's going to hurt.. i don't know how to help... i am in hell myself
Posted by Dory on October 6, 2007, at 16:32:48
In reply to Re: try again » muffled, posted by Dory on October 6, 2007, at 16:26:34
i'm sorry... i am afraid i said it wrong.. don't mean it to hurt.. worried it came out all wrong
((((((muffled)))))
Posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 16:40:18
In reply to Re: try again » Dory, posted by Dory on October 6, 2007, at 16:32:48
I like honesty.
Good words you said.
Hope you can relax some yoursel.
mebbe i'll see ya in chat.
Dunno.
But I think honest thots are good.
I know you wouldn't try to hurt me dory.
Tho the words wern't hurtful.
But if ever you did do hurtful words, then it'd likely be a mistake, or that you was hurting, and I would understand.
So don't you EVER worry bout stuff like that OK?
Take care,
Thanks,
M
Posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 22:27:12
In reply to Re: try again, posted by rskontos on October 6, 2007, at 11:09:56
Posted by B2chica on October 8, 2007, at 8:46:19
In reply to try again, posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 10:06:36
i'm sorry i can't respond about this post right now muffy...little sensitive and couldn't get through the post.
but i'm sorry if you are in distress.
i care about you BUNCHES and hope you are ok.
b2c.
Posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 9:57:03
In reply to Re: try again » muffled, posted by B2chica on October 8, 2007, at 8:46:19
B2!
Wondered how you doing...
Hope you can feel OK.
Thanks for thinking of me.
M
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