![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rskontos on September 30, 2007, at 21:46:34
I didn't know which thread this might go under so I started a new one. I had the weirdest thing happen twice. I am new to the dissociative DX. I am not sure if it MPD yet. My T and I haven't gotten that far but I know I have two distinct somethings. No names but I am not always in control in social settings. Sometimes I have memories of what happened and sometimes I wake up not knowing what happened. So twice I tried to access those memories of something I did not remember doing. And bam, it was a physical barrier or wall that made me sick. I mean ill really ill. I saw stars, I feel like I might vomit, I saw things in a tunnel, kinda of like dejava but not, I had to lay down, I felt sick for about 30 minutes after. Now the neuro has been treating for partial seizures but I know I have had what I call black outs for years where I wake up from situations not knowing anything that went on. The T thought this was dissociative disorder. Not seizures because they never happen at home. My daughter has seizures that do happen at home, they are real. I have had neuro workups. But still I am not really sure. The neuro has me on topamax for the partials but the dosage I need to be on I can't really tolerate, memory loss is bad and well with everything else.
Anyway, the thing that happen, I was wondering has anyone else ever had that happen? It has happened twice. I did it again to make sure I wasn't imagining it. I need to talk to the T about and this week I go to the neuro but I worry she will only think about a medical issue and I don't think this medical. I have had tons of work ups done. I am healthy. Not mentally but physically. Any suggestions. Oh I am asking her for a p-doc referral. I am having a time finding one.
Posted by Dory on October 1, 2007, at 14:42:07
In reply to New weird thing in my dissociative disorder, posted by rskontos on September 30, 2007, at 21:46:34
this is more than you had indicated in your reply to me.. it's ok, i'm offended by that, but it does change my response. We may not be twins afterall perhaps? Read my response to you in my thread and see what you think.
i am sorry this causes you so much pain
Posted by rskontos on October 1, 2007, at 15:47:23
In reply to Re: New weird thing in my dissociative disorder » rskontos, posted by Dory on October 1, 2007, at 14:42:07
Yeah, it happened after I posted to you. It keeps getting weirder and weirder. I do have a dissociative dx. I do have missing time. Are you really offended. I am sorry. I want you to be my twin but not to have this weird thing happen. I have been thinking about it and think it is because I was trying to force the memories and my inner voices/child isn't ready for it. The bold-me/surface me is new. I am wondering if for so reason my thing is expanding. I have always lost time. I would go away, wake up in different situations, speaking to different people, they would not even be aware that this happened to me. A neuro dX is as partials. But I don't think so as it never happened at home. Not like my daughter that has a seizure disorder and has had as many seizures at home as in public. Anyway, my time losses happening are starting to increase and my bold-me are increasing. I can't remember when any of this ever started though. My memories are hazy at best. Are yours. Thanks I am so sorry if I offended you, I hope you are kidding. Rk
Posted by Dory on October 1, 2007, at 20:09:38
In reply to Re: New weird thing in my dissociative disorder, posted by rskontos on October 1, 2007, at 15:47:23
oh dear god... i meant i was ***not*** offended. i am so sorry. It was an "oops" on my end. i am tryin to type with two braces and i am trying to catch the typos... i am so very deeply sorry. Of course i am NOT offended. Dear me, what an idiot i am.
i do think though that your situation might then be very different from me in a large number of ways. i never lose time, i never have any of the other stuff you mention. Muffled says everyone dissociates to some degree.. i dunno, my idea about dissociation is maybe different. Some people have suggested that what i have described happening from time to time is a mild sort of dissociation. i don't know.. i disagree about that.
so i don't think i've ever dissociated in what i feel is my own definition, certainly no dx of it.
it's ok, not being a twin to me isn't exactly a bad thing for you. i don't know many who would want to be a twin with me.
again i am SO sorry. i'm a dork. sorry.
Posted by rskontos on October 2, 2007, at 9:33:14
In reply to Re: New weird thing in my dissociative disorder » rskontos, posted by Dory on October 1, 2007, at 20:09:38
It is ok. I just wanted to clarify. I need that clarification because I am oversensitive these days. I am thinking again today and that is usually a bad thing.
Sorry about your braces. My situation is different but we do share the bold/quiet me thing. I was trying to remember how far back I started doing this but can't and I don't want a repeat of the weird thing so I did not try too hard.
Muffled is right. My T says that most people do dissociate to a degree as daydreaming is one thing. She says that some people due to certain situations and circumstances do it to survive. And interesting it is not always sexual abuse, she says that prompts it. I found that interesting. She says that they don't know why it is just that the child or sometimes adult or teenager is in a situation that is just too overwhelming and they split themselves. Which she says I did due to my childhood. She says though I must want to intregrate myself. Maybe that is why she hasn't called back. She doesn't feel I do. And maybe I don't. Today I was thinking I am better today. Why go back and drag up all that bad stuff. I have a good life, good husband. I can heal in this life right, maybe be ok. Maybe I just need a good therapist that I can do more talk therapy, a little something for those rough patches and live at that. Some experts think this is a gift, if I try to think that way maybe it will take some pain away. I don't know anymore. My son gets upset with all the research I am doing, of course he does he wants his mom to be fine as I did.
If you don't think what bold me/quiet me is dissociation what is maybe? I don't know as I thought if I knew I might could have more control. I thought it was a form of MPD and maybe there were more underneath that were not out? I think that because I have lost so much time and have so many memories unavailable. Something else took over while I was on vacation. I thought bold me was just a different more mild version since the danger I was perceiving was not so dangerous. I certainly don't know. I am grasping at straws and my T no word yet.
And speaking of that, here is what I am thinking. I called her when I was REALLY distressed. She didn't try to call back after she didn't connect. I am mad at that. Why would she not. I am put out that she would think knowing how messed up I am at this point that professionally is it ok just not to call back and leave up to me to. Am I wrong?
I need help with this anger if I am to call her back. I almost just want to find a new therapist but that is another of my cut and run habits I think or am I justified in my thinking. Or can I grow and be justified and still call back. Anyone with thoughts on this?
Posted by B2chica on October 2, 2007, at 11:48:35
In reply to Re: New weird thing in my dissociative disorder, posted by rskontos on October 2, 2007, at 9:33:14
rs
if you called her when you were really distressed and asked her to call back and she didn't then don't stop at GO...go directly to...get new T!
you need support and a trusted person that will help you when you need it and they aren't providing you with that.
don't even think twice about it. you aren't running away you are running to a better T.
you are TOTALLY justified...it's your gut instincts...which i might add i think are very right on...follow them.
Posted by rskontos on October 2, 2007, at 12:15:04
In reply to Re: New weird thing in my dissociative disorder » rskontos, posted by B2chica on October 2, 2007, at 11:48:35
B2chica, thanks so much. I needed that. I am going to do just that!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.