Posted by rskontos on October 2, 2007, at 9:33:14
In reply to Re: New weird thing in my dissociative disorder » rskontos, posted by Dory on October 1, 2007, at 20:09:38
It is ok. I just wanted to clarify. I need that clarification because I am oversensitive these days. I am thinking again today and that is usually a bad thing.
Sorry about your braces. My situation is different but we do share the bold/quiet me thing. I was trying to remember how far back I started doing this but can't and I don't want a repeat of the weird thing so I did not try too hard.
Muffled is right. My T says that most people do dissociate to a degree as daydreaming is one thing. She says that some people due to certain situations and circumstances do it to survive. And interesting it is not always sexual abuse, she says that prompts it. I found that interesting. She says that they don't know why it is just that the child or sometimes adult or teenager is in a situation that is just too overwhelming and they split themselves. Which she says I did due to my childhood. She says though I must want to intregrate myself. Maybe that is why she hasn't called back. She doesn't feel I do. And maybe I don't. Today I was thinking I am better today. Why go back and drag up all that bad stuff. I have a good life, good husband. I can heal in this life right, maybe be ok. Maybe I just need a good therapist that I can do more talk therapy, a little something for those rough patches and live at that. Some experts think this is a gift, if I try to think that way maybe it will take some pain away. I don't know anymore. My son gets upset with all the research I am doing, of course he does he wants his mom to be fine as I did.
If you don't think what bold me/quiet me is dissociation what is maybe? I don't know as I thought if I knew I might could have more control. I thought it was a form of MPD and maybe there were more underneath that were not out? I think that because I have lost so much time and have so many memories unavailable. Something else took over while I was on vacation. I thought bold me was just a different more mild version since the danger I was perceiving was not so dangerous. I certainly don't know. I am grasping at straws and my T no word yet.
And speaking of that, here is what I am thinking. I called her when I was REALLY distressed. She didn't try to call back after she didn't connect. I am mad at that. Why would she not. I am put out that she would think knowing how messed up I am at this point that professionally is it ok just not to call back and leave up to me to. Am I wrong?
I need help with this anger if I am to call her back. I almost just want to find a new therapist but that is another of my cut and run habits I think or am I justified in my thinking. Or can I grow and be justified and still call back. Anyone with thoughts on this?
poster:rskontos
thread:786162
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/786450.html