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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by reese7194 on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:41
hi. this is a question that i guess has no answer. it's something that has been eating at me for quite some time but have been able to push it away and call it b*llshit and just something to bitch about.
okay. this has been growing in- intensity over the past few years. before i thought it was just a part of who i was to go a long period of time without intamacy. what i mean by that is sex, making love. in the past it has been years. but i was able to fool around with someone. if i did ever have sex with them which i did very few times i would want to cut myself to pieces afterwards.
the only time i was able to was with a girlfriend / someone i truly cared for.
my explanation for this was simple. i only wanted to sleep with people i was seriously involved with etc...
but this theory seems or feels like it has become somewhat i have trouble believing because my ability has grown even more intense. i can not even imagine or fantasize of making love. or almost any intamcy.
but it is not physical. physically everything is fine. which i am fortunate since i have been on every med known to man at this point. even strange off-label meds that are never given out.
since i can remember from when i was fourteen i found orgasms to be extremly painful. emotionally. like falling from a building. when i got older the effects of utter crashing and the utter need to cut myself would come over me. i have always been a cutter and have always had huge food issues. when i got older the crying began after i orgasmed and the others as well. huge guilt, cutting etc after. crying. cutting.
now it has been a year since i have made love / sex with something i find odd or scary about this is the fact that this has become normal and not a long period of time. but this is absurd.
i am not a bad looking guy. i am terrified of girls / women. very shy. but of recent i have without choice found it impossible to even think / imagine having sex. it is a wall i can not see over and can find no logic from where it came from.l.
i have given thought of possibly seeing a therapist who might specialize in something like this. i have no memory or if there is a memory it is the idea of someone. not the action.
okay. i apologize if this is off topic which it is.
Posted by Phillipa on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:41
In reply to sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry, posted by reese7194 on September 25, 2007, at 18:20:47
Wonder if you are the only one glad it's out in the open now and a relief for you. I'd contact a therapist and try and figure out where this comes from good luck. Phillipa
Posted by reese7194 on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:41
In reply to Re: sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry » reese7194, posted by Phillipa on September 25, 2007, at 21:39:32
thanks i appreciate it. i am so. i used to come on this board everyday awhile ago. awhile meaning back in 2000-20002.
it was helpful. learned about some stuff and always found people who knew about sh*t like e.c.t. and back when burprenorphine was not approved and still only in injection form.
and best of all i learned about mclean hospital in boston.
hope you are doing okay and i appreciate again writing back. i did feel a little strange about writing it here. and sometimes i write sh*t and then don't remember if my mind is going to fast.
anyway. i'll stop here. take care and thanks again.
Posted by tecknohed on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:41
In reply to sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry, posted by reese7194 on September 25, 2007, at 18:20:47
I often have EXTREME mood swings (always downwards, or into irritability) after orgasm, whether through sex (with my partner) or through masterbation. Its normally worst when with my partner though. I feel the overwhelming NEED to clean myself and get overwhelmingly guilty. Not sure what causes it but I think that quite alot of people (esp. men) get some sort of 'switch off' ofter orgasm.
I'm male by the way.
Posted by polarbear206 on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:42
In reply to sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry, posted by reese7194 on September 25, 2007, at 18:20:47
> hi. this is a question that i guess has no answer. it's something that has been eating at me for quite some time but have been able to push it away and call it b*llshit and just something to bitch about.
>
> okay. this has been growing in- intensity over the past few years. before i thought it was just a part of who i was to go a long period of time without intamacy. what i mean by that is sex,making love. in the past it has been years. but i was able to fool around with someone. if i did ever have sex with them which i did very few times i would want to cut myself to pieces afterwards.
>
> the only time i was able to was with a girlfriend / someone i truly cared for.
>
> my explanation for this was simple. i only wanted to sleep with people i was seriously involved with etc...
>
> but this theory seems or feels like it has become somewhat i have trouble believing because my ability has grown even more intense. i can not even imagine or fantasize of making love. or almost any intamcy.
>
> but it is not physical. physically everything is fine. which i am fortunate since i have been on every med known to man at this point. even strange off-label meds that are never given out.
>
> since i can remember from when i was fourteen i found orgasms to be extremly painful. emotionally. like falling from a building. when i got older the effects of utter crashing and the utter need to cut myself would come over me. i have always been a cutter and have always had huge food issues. when i got older the crying began after i orgasmed and the others as well. huge guilt, cutting etc after. crying. cutting.
>
> now it has been a year since i have made love / sex with something i find odd or scary about this is the fact that this has become normal and not a long period of time. but this is absurd.
>
> i am not a bad looking guy. i am terrified of girls / women. very shy. but of recent i have without choice found it impossible to even think / imagine having sex. it is a wall i can not see over and can find no logic from where it came from.l.
>
> i have given thought of possibly seeing a therapist who might specialize in something like this. i have no memory or if there is a memory it is the idea of someone. not the action.
>
> okay. i apologize if this is off topic which it is.
You are punishing yourself for experiencing sexual pleasure. Please seek out a therapist to help you get to the root of the problem. You owe it to yourself to have a healthy sexual appetite.PB
Posted by sometimesblue on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:42
In reply to Re: sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry, posted by polarbear206 on September 26, 2007, at 9:27:12
Not to offend, really, but have you ever considered that maybe you were sexually abused in the past? I know and have heard of many cases where if an individual who was sexually abused (in any sexual manner, not just rape) associate guilt with sex.
I'm female, and i have experienced the same thing as you, only being able to enjoy sex with someone i truly cared about...which has only been with my now husband. And even that was difficult at first.
I would definately suggest a therapist. Good luck to you i hope you find out what is causing your troubles. Or at the very least, how to cope.
Take care of yourself, especially with the cutting. I've been there myself, I know that pain.
-SometimesBlue
Posted by reese7194 on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:42
In reply to Re: sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry, posted by sometimesblue on September 26, 2007, at 11:23:00
> Not to offend, really, but have you ever considered that maybe you were sexually abused in the past? I know and have heard of many cases where if an individual who was sexually abused (in any sexual manner, not just rape) associate guilt with sex.
>
> I'm female, and i have experienced the same thing as you, only being able to enjoy sex with someone i truly cared about...which has only been with my now husband. And even that was difficult at first.
>
> I would definately suggest a therapist. Good luck to you i hope you find out what is causing your troubles. Or at the very least, how to cope.
>
> Take care of yourself, especially with the cutting. I've been there myself, I know that pain.
>
> -SometimesBluei wanted to say thank you to everyone. it's nice that people have responded like they have. each time i see an email saying i have a new message i am ready for the complete opposite.
cutting is an interesting subject. though "interesting" might not be the approprite word. it's something i've gone through many stages with. at one point i almost went on naltrexone which can be used for that since like dope, cutting can cause a high.
off subject it's interesting how many drugs are around that are used off-label. depends on the doc
Posted by flawed on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:42
In reply to sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry, posted by reese7194 on September 25, 2007, at 18:20:47
damn... i just typed such a poetic and sensitive reply and then lost it.
so, to start again....
i also have that crashing decline after orgasm. i am female. i have avoided sex or, more often, allowing myself to orgasm because of it. no only do i feel unequal to the crash, but also because i don't want my partner to see me unravel.
i have no answers for you, but i want you to know that i empathize. i never knew anyone else felt that way!
i hope you can speak to a therapist about it. i know it would be difficult for me to do so, but i know its important to find an answer.
Posted by reese7194 on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:42
In reply to Re: sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry, posted by flawed on September 26, 2007, at 11:55:38
it's funny or f*cked. but when people talk about not having sex. they usually mean a month or so. nobody believes me when i tell them it's been a year. or longer in the past.
i have been to so many therapists and shrinks. i have some good shrinks now. therapist? my theory on them is no different than shrinks. out of a hundred there are maybe at best three diamonds. maybe five that are alright. and the rest are a waste sadly.
it is just recently i have thought about looking for someone who works more in this specific area. i don't really know what that is. because the therapist i am seeing now knows or understands less than i do. and it is not from me not being able to talk or be open or be honest. at this point in my life i have no time for that.
it is nice to know that someone else feels like that. i truly have never met anyone. especially being a guy and guys are so full of f*cking sh*t. god is it ridiculous.
there are just certain things that worry me. thank you. what you wrote was still poetic.
reese
Posted by King of Nothing on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:43
In reply to Re: sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry » flawed, posted by reese7194 on September 26, 2007, at 12:03:04
I think your problem is quite common unfortunately and can only be helped by 'quality' CBT. I feel for you and wish you only the very best.
KoN
Posted by reese7194 on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:43
In reply to Re: sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry » reese7194, posted by King of Nothing on September 26, 2007, at 17:20:42
> I think your problem is quite common unfortunately and can only be helped by 'quality' CBT. I feel for you and wish you only the very best.
>
> KoNthanks. but i've been through CBT as well as DBT. though i see there purpose i found they didn't particularly work for me. in my opinion the most important thing is not the type of "therapy" but the therapist
Posted by Phillipa on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:43
In reply to Re: sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry, posted by reese7194 on September 26, 2007, at 18:55:17
I agree with that I've seen quite a few and none have ever been in my shoes of anxiety and depression. They think it's easy to get in the car drive be with people etc. I do have social phobia I guess. No cutting though. Maybe a sexual therapist? Google where you live and the type of therapist you're looking for you never know what you will find. Phillipa
Posted by Dory on September 27, 2007, at 7:21:24
In reply to sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry, posted by reese7194 on September 27, 2007, at 1:04:41
do you know what is weird? i don't recognize hardly *any* of the names of the posters who responded to you... it's kind of scary. We've had a lot of name changes lately... so i hope that is all it is. It freaks me out a little, make it seem like there is this huge influx of strangers.
anyway... sorry about the freaked out ramble... back to you.
my rule of thumb, and it seems i have a lot of thumbs, is that if you have serious inclinations toward seeing a therapist then you should. It doesn't mean anything did or didn't happen to you, ie abuse, but it does mean that something inside you wants to come out. It means part of you recognizes that this is a point in life at which you are ready to talk about things and maybe make changes in yourself. And... what would be the worst case outcome if you saw one? You'd be out a few bucks.
As far as the initimacy/sex goes... i am not a subscriber to the idea that we all must be sexual creatures without variation. Sometimes people just aren't sexual people. That is not the general case but there are always people at each end of a spectrum. One thing i want to point out is that if this idea feels "wrong" to you, if there is suddenly a feeling of "no" or not being heard... then you know your answer on that point... meaning you in fact are a sexual creature who is having trouble being sexual. When something is a problem for you, as indeed this sounds like it is, then the solution is to seek help... and a therapist may be able to do that.
i would, if you are capable, ask a T in the first session or two how experienced they are in dealing with issues surrounding sex... some T's specialize in it, some work with it but it's not their "thing."
it seems that there is a current in the world which leads to abuse... and what i mean is, that if you have been abused then it's ok to feel bad and seek help... and if you have not been, well, it's a little harder to feel justified and validated. If you have been abused then it's ok to seek help, but if you have not been abuse then it is *still* ok to seek help... see what i mean? Either way, if you are experiencing pain or trouble, it's OK to ask someone to help you. Maybe there has been abuse you have suppressed or blocked out... or maybe something other than abuse triggered some sort of internal sexual shame for you and that event is tied to a person or place. i hope that makes some sense.
In the people i have met along the way, i have discovered people for whom abuse did not result in functional issues, and i have met people for whom the seemingly most innocent offhand comment by a parent resulted in significant impact and later issues.
Thing is... you'll never know unless you try to find out.
It takes a lot of guts to post what you have and you already have some very clear ideas about your situation with regards to sexual issues. i hope you do decide to see a T... it sounds like you are at a crossroad.
Posted by flawed on September 27, 2007, at 12:21:14
In reply to Re: sexual question- wrong forum i think -so sorry » reese7194, posted by Dory on September 27, 2007, at 7:21:24
so sorry my response was not welcome.... that was only my second post. i never meant to intrude. i know there is a category for newbies and if i ever post again i'll try to stay there.
Posted by Dory on September 27, 2007, at 18:13:02
In reply to Re: sexual question » Dory, posted by flawed on September 27, 2007, at 12:21:14
> so sorry my response was not welcome.... that was only my second post. i never meant to intrude. i know there is a category for newbies and if i ever post again i'll try to stay there.
what is this about? i am completely confused and in the dark... did i say something to offend you? Can you tell me what it was? i haven't even read a response or post of yours at all ever before this one so i have zero idea what you are talking about.
i am *guessing* (and guessing is the word here because i truly have *not* ever read anything you posted) that maybe you are reacting to my comment about all the new names? Is that it? If it is then you are completely misunderstanding my words. i was responding to reese, and i had not read *any* of the other responses. But more importantly, a LOT of people have changed names recently due to some security/privacy scares, so a lot of the new names are veteran members. i can't tell who is who and it is difficult for me.
so, for what it's worth, i had no intention to hurt you or anyone else. i'm sorry if somehow i hurt you.. but other than the above guess i am really lost as to how i have done so.
Posted by muffled on September 27, 2007, at 21:21:32
In reply to what just happened? i'm lost » flawed, posted by Dory on September 27, 2007, at 18:13:02
What happened is that this thread was moved over here from another board.
Diff posters frequent diff boards.
Thats why allasudden the new names in a bunch like that.
Freaked me at first too, but I quickly realized what was up.
So Dory, meet Flawed, Flawed, meet Dory. I am Muffled.
This is psychology board, as opposed to psychobabble. Confusing I know.
But WELCOME! to this board....my favorite board! IMHO the most wonderful board ;-) LOL!
I struggle with the name changes too, alot of us do, but unfortunately it is sometimes necc for reasons of privacy.
Take good care, hope this explains stuff some.
Dorys a regular on psychology, and I hope to hear more from you here Flawed, nice to meet you.
Muffled
Posted by reese7194 on September 28, 2007, at 15:22:18
In reply to what just happened? i'm lost » flawed, posted by Dory on September 27, 2007, at 18:13:02
> > so sorry my response was not welcome.... that was only my second post. i never meant to intrude. i know there is a category for newbies and if i ever post again i'll try to stay there.
>
> what is this about? i am completely confused and in the dark... did i say something to offend you? Can you tell me what it was? i haven't even read a response or post of yours at all ever before this one so i have zero idea what you are talking about.
>
> i am *guessing* (and guessing is the word here because i truly have *not* ever read anything you posted) that maybe you are reacting to my comment about all the new names? Is that it? If it is then you are completely misunderstanding my words. i was responding to reese, and i had not read *any* of the other responses. But more importantly, a LOT of people have changed names recently due to some security/privacy scares, so a lot of the new names are veteran members. i can't tell who is who and it is difficult for me.
>
> so, for what it's worth, i had no intention to hurt you or anyone else. i'm sorry if somehow i hurt you.. but other than the above guess i am really lost as to how i have done so.
>
DORYFIRST. you said nothing what so ever to upset me or whatever word you want to use. i found none of it unsetting or any of that b*llsh*t. i appreciate what you said. so please don't think that
in term of new people and all that sh*t. f*ck i'm new in some ways. used to come here for a pretty decent amount of time back in 2000-2001 then stopped. now i come back now and again.
so thanks. and what you said was actually very cool. though cool might not be the cool word to use
thank you
reese
Posted by reese7194 on September 28, 2007, at 15:28:48
In reply to Dory/Flawed, posted by muffled on September 27, 2007, at 21:21:32
> What happened is that this thread was moved over here from another board.
> Diff posters frequent diff boards.
> Thats why allasudden the new names in a bunch like that.
> Freaked me at first too, but I quickly realized what was up.
> So Dory, meet Flawed, Flawed, meet Dory. I am Muffled.
> This is psychology board, as opposed to psychobabble. Confusing I know.
> But WELCOME! to this board....my favorite board! IMHO the most wonderful board ;-) LOL!
> I struggle with the name changes too, alot of us do, but unfortunately it is sometimes necc for reasons of privacy.
> Take good care, hope this explains stuff some.
> Dorys a regular on psychology, and I hope to hear more from you here Flawed, nice to meet you.
> Muffledmost likely a stupid question but what is the distinction. is the one form only drug (medication related) sadly i would find that sickly funny. since the entire word of how psychotherapy and psychiatry has changed.
so if you don't mind let me know
hope all are having a decent day
Posted by muffled on September 28, 2007, at 19:42:00
In reply to Re: Dory/Flawed, posted by reese7194 on September 28, 2007, at 15:28:48
>most likely a stupid question but what is the distinction. is the one form only drug (medication related) sadly i would find that sickly funny. since the entire word of how psychotherapy and psychiatry has changed.
so if you don't mind let me know
hope all are having a decent day
*ya, one is considered 'biological treatments' and one 'psychological treatments'. The boards ARE confusing.
Thanks, my day is almost over.
Nice to meet you.
M
Posted by Phillipa on September 28, 2007, at 22:34:40
In reply to Re: Dory/Flawed, posted by reese7194 on September 28, 2007, at 15:28:48
Reece I very much agree with you. I wasn't here when the boards were different. Can you tell me the difference now? I tend to stay on the meds board or social. Phillipa ps in order to follow you thread when one is redirected you have to post to that that thread on the new board.
Posted by Dory on September 30, 2007, at 7:53:34
In reply to Re: what just happened? i'm lost, posted by reese7194 on September 28, 2007, at 15:22:18
thanks :o) i really had no intention of hurting any "new" or "old" (:P) member's feelings. It's just hard for me to adjust.
i'm glad what i said made some sense and was of use to you.
the boards are kind of weird, more like rooms.. together but not. i pretty much never go to any of the other boards. Admin and social freak me out, and the regular psychobabble board, the one meant for meds and such, well.. i don't ***personally*** find it that helpful for me (and just me). It's great for discussing new meds and getting other people's experience with them.. but i'm not really interested in that anymore. i have been on so many meds over the years and i prefer to find journal sources to check out new ones. i find subjective experiences very variable and not often applicable. But whatever works, you know? Some people only post on those boards and not here... sometimes it's because they aren't involved in therapy in any way, others may not find it helpful here... i dunno. Different strokes for different folks.
either way, i hope you come back... even if you decide against seeing a T... or if you have questions about the process..or rather, processes, since there are many different types of therapy.
be well and take care
Posted by reese7194 on September 30, 2007, at 12:12:19
In reply to Re: Dory/Flawed » reese7194, posted by Phillipa on September 28, 2007, at 22:34:40
> Reece I very much agree with you. I wasn't here when the boards were different. Can you tell me the difference now? I tend to stay on the meds board or social. Phillipa ps in order to follow you thread when one is redirected you have to post to that that thread on the new board.
at this point i have yet to venture over to the other side. hopefully i'll do it within the next fifteen minutes or so and i'll tell you.
hope you are okay
Posted by reese7194 on September 30, 2007, at 12:17:04
In reply to Re: what just happened? i'm lost » reese7194, posted by Dory on September 30, 2007, at 7:53:34
> thanks :o) i really had no intention of hurting any "new" or "old" (:P) member's feelings. It's just hard for me to adjust.
>
> i'm glad what i said made some sense and was of use to you.
>
> the boards are kind of weird, more like rooms.. together but not. i pretty much never go to any of the other boards. Admin and social freak me out, and the regular psychobabble board, the one meant for meds and such, well.. i don't ***personally*** find it that helpful for me (and just me). It's great for discussing new meds and getting other people's experience with them.. but i'm not really interested in that anymore. i have been on so many meds over the years and i prefer to find journal sources to check out new ones. i find subjective experiences very variable and not often applicable. But whatever works, you know? Some people only post on those boards and not here... sometimes it's because they aren't involved in therapy in any way, others may not find it helpful here... i dunno. Different strokes for different folks.
>
> either way, i hope you come back... even if you decide against seeing a T... or if you have questions about the process..or rather, processes, since there are many different types of therapy.
>
> be well and take care
i think i feel the same way except i don't really come here anymore. i was here a lot from 2000-2001 or 2. for the same reason as you looking for anything that was not being used or any possible alternatives.so i had no idea there were different boards. i thiink every so often i will post something.
hope you are alright. sh*t i forgot it was sunday. wow. that's grfeat
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