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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by OzLand on July 29, 2007, at 9:20:23
My analyst (MD) sent me a curt response or at least I am interpreting it that way. I thought that when he said if anything happened with my job I should call him immediately that he said this because he would put me in the hospital as I had said I might kill myself like another psychologist I know. A nationally known psychologist who got accused of something that no one will ever know now if he did it or not, recently killed himself. I knew him and had taken workshops from him. My doctor wrote back a very brief response, something like, I would just want to help and offer support. He said about the Parnate to do as I was told. No other comments,. Of course I thought he might be angry with me, and I said I was sorry and would not bother him again. I guess I know what will be on the agenda on Wednesday. Anyway, so I don't know if it is okay to go cold turkey. People are saying no. I think when I was younger I went cold turkey off of the Parnate so I could have surgery. I was at Menninger's then and was taking other meds. So, I don't know.
I took my prescribed dose of 40 mg. Friday morning when I met with the person who said to get off the psychiatric meds. I took 30 mg. on Saturday, and today I took 20 mg. Tomorrow a.m. I will take 10 mg. and then nothing on Tuesday. I am going off the Neurontin too even though I used it for pain. It will be interesting if nothing else to see the effect. I am scared about the depression. But I could sure do without the dry mouth. I will still have that do some extent as I use Advair twice per day and another inhaler once per day.
I am wondering if when all this is settled at work, can I stay off the antidepressant. I have a hard time dealing with the csa which I know we need to get back too, but right now it isn't bothering me--too much what seems like life and death issues right now, and csa has taken a back seat again. I feel so anxious all the time now about the work thing.
Irony of it all is that my husband talked about going back to Topeka, Kansas recntly. Sure is cheaper there in the burbs of Chicago, but Menninger's isn't there anymore. I couldn't get a job there again unless I went to Houston. UGH. No way. But, there are tons of Menninger people who stayed behind in Topeka and started their own group practice. Also, some are in Lawrence, KS some 20 miles away, and some are in Kansas City, some 55 miles away. So, lots of my colleagues around there plus my UU congregation which was 1000 time better than the one here where I am in the Chicago area. Hate the county I live in and would prefer to be in Chicago if I stay in IL and am applying for positions in the City. We shall see; plus my analyst said he can help me find something if I would like; maybe I will take him up on it; he is known quite well in the Chicago area and has lots of contacts in the city; he was until recently a supervising and training analyst at the Institute in Chicago. Now he has his own corporation or whatever you would call it in Evanston and called Yellowbrick. It is a comprehensive program with residential piece as well for young people 18-30 who he refers to as "emerging adults." He even talks about specialties being eating disorders (used to be me), trauma and abuse (is still me), and bipolar disorders (not me).
I am feeling better today, but unfortunately that could change by tomorrow. I thank everyone for their support, and as I can, I will be supportive too.
OzLand
Posted by Maria01 on July 29, 2007, at 9:33:09
In reply to My therapist/pdoc said do as I am told, posted by OzLand on July 29, 2007, at 9:20:23
Hi OzLand-
Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. You are wise to concentrate on the "here and now" stuff and to get that under control...the CSA issues will always be there for you to discuss. It's important to get things resolved with work and the like....Do you have a link to the article re: the psychologist who committed suicide? I have a relative who is a clinical psychologist(retired) and she may know this person. It's sad, either way.
Take good care of yourself..you are wise to taper off the meds instead of going cold turkey. The last time I was on meds, I got much worse =(. I hope all goes well over the next couple of days.
Posted by Honore on July 29, 2007, at 10:37:30
In reply to My therapist/pdoc said do as I am told, posted by OzLand on July 29, 2007, at 9:20:23
Hi, Ozland. I'll have more time later, but if it's for a medical procedure like surgery, you could go off cold turkey, but it's better to go down as you are. Do you have any seroquel and/or valium/xanax on hand? Those are good if you have any bad reactions to the withdrawal.
I was on a considerably higher dose of parnate and had gone down only a bit when I tried the cold turkey method (which was a disaster). But still, slower is better. Will you have about 10 days- 2 weeks after Tuesday? I think you'll be okay if you have adequate clearance, and can probably start as soon as any contraindicated drugs are out of your system. You'll probably do fine for a couple of weeks, as long as the withdrawal is smooth.
I'm sorry to hear that you might be having some flare-up of medical problems. That's a totally draining thing, by itself.
I'll check in later. Glad to hear that you did contact your pdoc/T; I doubt he's angry. Sometimes brief messages feel angry or curt, but they aren't meant that way. Try not to assume that it is, okay? I tend to do the same thing-- and am usually wrong.
Honore
Posted by Phillipa on July 29, 2007, at 12:24:15
In reply to Re: My therapist/pdoc said do as I am told » OzLand, posted by Honore on July 29, 2007, at 10:37:30
Gee you are having a hard time. I wish you luck. I did miss something between the therapist and medical condition. But I will pick it up. Love Phillipa
Posted by OzLand on July 29, 2007, at 14:07:48
In reply to Re: My therapist/pdoc said do as I am told » OzLand, posted by Maria01 on July 29, 2007, at 9:33:09
The psychologist who committed suicide is a forensic psychologist from Seattle.
Re my medical condition. I am not going off of Parnate because I am going to have surgery or for a medical condition. Suffice it to say there is good reason which I do not want to disclose here. I think I will be okay. Thanks for concern and support.
OzLand
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 29, 2007, at 19:06:06
In reply to My therapist/pdoc said do as I am told, posted by OzLand on July 29, 2007, at 9:20:23
Hi Oz,
my brain is mush right now. I'm sorry I cannot respond more indepth to your post.Things sound really hard on all fronts. work. therapy. medication. So many decisions to make.
Try to take one thing at a time and just work on the single task at hand.
know that no matter what, babble will be here for you.
I know that you're not one for the self-soothing, but you still have to treat yourself with compassion and kindness. There's only one Ozland, and no matter what happens, no matter which way the cards fall, you will still be you in the end.
And we will still be here for you
((((((hugs? do you like hugs? OzLand))))))
-Ll
Posted by OzLand on July 29, 2007, at 22:39:44
In reply to Re: My therapist/pdoc said do as I am told » OzLand, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 29, 2007, at 19:06:06
Thanks; yes I think I like hugs. I am getting more and more anxious as I think of the coming week. Also besides meds, therapy, work, my husband alienated himself with our UU congregation so that now I feel uncomfortable going there myself. This is where my women's group is; they know everything about work; they don't know the other stuff, only one person in my women's group who also went through csa and her mother had ECT.
I am on the Board and chair of the social activities committee plus go to a mixed group in addition to my women's group. They have been very supportive, but now I find myself hurt and angry abourt what they said about my husband. His behavior was awful, but they attacked him as a person, and that is just not acceptable as much as he pisses me off alot too.
I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster and pissed at my doctor too. What does he want from me for crying out loud. I want to say to him on Wednesday, "Well if you were ever around, I might not find it so hard to talk to you." I think I will say that. Right now life just sucks. Husbands often suck.
My cats are very sick, at least my Sigi is--he has kidney failure from the damn stuff from China in the animal food. I am doing my best for him; give him his IV stuff only it's not intravenous. IT's under the skin--like water to help flush his kidneys but he started vomiting again today; not a good sign. He goes back to the Vet on Sat, three weeks from the last time, and if they say his creatin level is still creeping up, I am going to freak out. He is my main comfort; his sister, Freyja, is not very affectionate just demanding and needy all the time.
I am rambling on again and need to go take a shower and go to bed so I am ready for whatever might be tomorrow. My guess is nothing yet; it is the waiting that makes me nuts.
Oz
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 30, 2007, at 8:41:35
In reply to Re: My therapist/pdoc said do as I am told » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by OzLand on July 29, 2007, at 22:39:44
((((poor kitty))))
my kitty has fleas and a boo boo on his paw and I'm worried sick about him. I can't imagine what would happen if he should be gravely ill :(
Oz, one of the things that my therapist helped me with, when I was in the middle of exploring trauma AND preparing my mother and me for a joint session AND preparing for my diss defense AND wondering why my best friend was deserting me...
She helped me find some ways to isolate the stresses so that they don't contaminate each other. One task at a time. Set aside certain times to worry about one problem, do what you can, and then take a moment to clear the cobwebs of worry so that you can get a chance to meet the next challenge.
It's hard. REALLY hard. I found that meditation helped a lot, clearing cobwebs wise, but it's also an intensive committment, and not something that you probably have the time or energy for. try taking a very very short walk a couple of times a day. I'm talking 5 minutes. just go outside and do a couple of deep breaths. Simple, simple things can make a difference.
And I hope that your med change is helping a little bit. Sometimes it helps when your doctor tells you what to do. just give up responsibility for that part of your treatment. it's okay for now. when you feel better, you can become more involved, but for now, worry about things that need the most attention.
cyber safe hugs- if you don't need them now, put them in a box in case you feel like crying again.
while you're at it, send me some of those tears. I haven't felt a genuine emotion in weeks. I feel subhuman. tears might be a good way to start.
best,
_ll
Posted by OzLand on August 4, 2007, at 0:03:02
In reply to Re: My therapist/pdoc said do as I am told » OzLand, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 30, 2007, at 8:41:35
I just now read this message. Thanks. I hate to compartmentalize, but I think you are right. I used to be the queen of compartmentalizing to the point that the "compartments" did not even know each other as it got that extreme--the infant, the little girl, the shy teenager, the mean in your face snot, etc. I read my records from Menninger's, and there was a time when I was urinating and defacating in my pants and in the bed and acting like a baby. If that isn't embarrassing. I vaguely remember pieces of that. But obviously I don't have to go to that extreme. I am actually fairly good anymore at setting therapy aside when we finish, jump on the train, makes some notes about therapy, get to work, and jump into my job. Only once in awhile do I get thrown a curve, a surprise, and then I start to unravel. I have a plan for that now too. Will I stick to it. I think so, but... Thanks.
Oz
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