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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 12, 2007, at 8:43:35
It is so hard to have an open relaxed heart when it has been broken so many times.
I'm protecting me, but at what costs?
I recently opened up and let my T speak to my heart, and it felt so good. Why didn't I do this all along?
living without loving. Is it worth my existence?
-Ll
Posted by Honore on June 12, 2007, at 9:10:37
In reply to Having an open heart, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 12, 2007, at 8:43:35
If you can do that, Llurpsie, you'll have reached a great breakthrough-- it's a pretty hard thing for any of us.
So how are you? I'd love to hear from the new improved Paris Hiltonized Llurpsie-- you aren't hiding out,are you?
Honore
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 12, 2007, at 20:58:15
In reply to Re: Having an open heart, posted by Honore on June 12, 2007, at 9:10:37
I've been having a lot of bad dreams. I have magic powers in my dreams but there are bigger badder things out there that have more powers than I. I can only be small and clever. Hide in the shadows. Wondering when there will be a pill for that. How much longer this has to go on.
Drinking tea. Learning how to drive. Enjoying fine chocolates.
My heart was open for a little bit. Now it's scared sh*tless.
-Ll
Posted by muffled on June 12, 2007, at 23:53:43
In reply to Re: Having an open heart » Honore, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 12, 2007, at 20:58:15
yup, SOOOOOOOOOOOOO way scarey.
((((((LL)))))
M
Posted by Honore on June 13, 2007, at 9:40:11
In reply to Re: Having an open heart » Honore, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 12, 2007, at 20:58:15
You have an open heart, Llurpsie, even if you can't feel how open.
Hearts feel open and closed from time to time-- or they close like flowers at night, and open again when the sun shines again. Losing your home, and T, and place in school--however much they were irritants or sources of pain--makes one's heart shut up a little-- in a cabinet.
But it isn't really so shut up-- it only seems to be. You said that your T said you had made amazing progress-- yet you didn't say that to yourself--or perhaps feel that. You felt more the troubles and anxieties, and traumas that you were recapturing and naming-- and trying to contain, with difficulty.
The name Llurpsie almost means someone with an open heart to me. I admire that in you-- among other things-- but I understand how much it's hard to know about those things oneself.
And it's truly amazing that you're learning to drive-- along with having tea, and I hope chocolate (because we all know the unique properties of this hallocinogenic drug).
Honore
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 15:41:48
In reply to Re: Having an open heart, posted by Honore on June 13, 2007, at 9:40:11
> You have an open heart, Llurpsie, even if you can't feel how open.
I'm not so good at feeling, so I'll take your word for it.
>
> Hearts feel open and closed from time to time-- or they close like flowers at night, and open again when the sun shines again. Losing your home, and T, and place in school--however much they were irritants or sources of pain--makes one's heart shut up a little-- in a cabinet.
>I like that idea of a flower. sometimes it's winter and the flowers die back, but I suppose my heart is a perennial, and the buds come back each spring.
A while back T and I talked about how it's important to wrap my old issues in tissue paper, gently, so that they don't get creased, and then put them away for dissertation season, and then, when the time was right, I would know when to get them out of storage. Problem is- I ran out of closet space! or they're multiplying or having a party in my drawers or something!!
> But it isn't really so shut up-- it only seems to be. You said that your T said you had made amazing progress-- yet you didn't say that to yourself--or perhaps feel that. You felt more the troubles and anxieties, and traumas that you were recapturing and naming-- and trying to contain, with difficulty.Yes, it's hard to admit that I've made progress. Maybe it's true though. quieT says that I seem to know myself pretty well, and that is probably a recent development. (((((((((T)))))))))
>
> The name Llurpsie almost means someone with an open heart to me. I admire that in you-- among other things-- but I understand how much it's hard to know about those things oneself.
>
> And it's truly amazing that you're learning to drive-- along with having tea, and I hope chocolate (because we all know the unique properties of this hallocinogenic drug).
>
> HonoreThanks Honore- your words mean lots. One thing I'm working on is accepting compliments and praise from someone I admire and respect. I'm gonna try and open up my heart a bit to let your words sink in
-Ll
Posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2007, at 15:19:29
In reply to Re: Having an open heart, posted by Honore on June 13, 2007, at 9:40:11
>Hearts feel open and closed from time to time-- or they close like flowers at night, and open again when the sun shines again. Losing your home, and T, and place in school--however much they were irritants or sources of pain--makes one's heart shut up a little-- in a cabinet.
It's like the Sleeping Beauty then?
Alive but not alive at the same time.
Sometimes you can wake up, and sometimes you can't.
You need someone who feels like a magic prince, or something like that?
It's not about love, is it?
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 18, 2007, at 10:33:06
In reply to Re: Having an open heart, posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2007, at 15:19:29
> >Hearts feel open and closed from time to time-- or they close like flowers at night, and open again when the sun shines again. Losing your home, and T, and place in school--however much they were irritants or sources of pain--makes one's heart shut up a little-- in a cabinet.
>
> It's like the Sleeping Beauty then?
> Alive but not alive at the same time.
> Sometimes you can wake up, and sometimes you can't.
> You need someone who feels like a magic prince, or something like that?
> It's not about love, is it?
>Hi Sigismund (does that mean "Mouth of Victory" in Germanic?)
I guess I feel more inner turmoil than the myth of sleeping beauty. I wish I could just sleep through the craziness and wake up knowing that the end of the misery was in sight.
Sometimes I can be a person, sometimes I feel like I'm marked. Different. Damaged. Ill. Pretending.
I have a prince. He is basically a CBT therapist wrapped around a frustrated husband wrapped around an optimist wrapped around someone who has always been able to solve inter- and intrapersonal conflicts.
I have to learn how to accept his caring with more compassion. He hurts when I hurt. There is no such thing as a magic prince. Do you know any? They might be in high demand...
-Ll
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Posted by Sigismund on June 18, 2007, at 15:50:23
In reply to Re: Having an open heart » Sigismund, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 18, 2007, at 10:33:06
I have not met this prince Lurps, although...???, there are people, but sometimes I can live with an open heart, and sometimes not, sometimes I have just been so frightened, or hurt, and then there are other times when I feel I know what I want and what to do and I approach the world willingly.
Having an open heart is such a nice expression.
This is the end of the thread.
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