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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on May 28, 2007, at 11:24:54
My ex-T just posted on her blog about how my "hateful" messages to her ruined her month of May. It was a terrible month, she said. She was miserable and made her daughter miserable, too, and that my words kept "rattling around" in her head.I agree with you that I don't know how healthy it is for me--any of this--but I'm just saying it's kind of satisfying to know I can affect her that way.
I promised her that my next communication would not be anonymous so I will not continue the dialogue unless and until I am prepared to do so as myself.
Posted by Phillipa on May 28, 2007, at 11:53:59
In reply to I ruined her entire month, posted by crushedout on May 28, 2007, at 11:24:54
Nice to know she is human and has bad times too not to seem mean. Love Phillipa
Posted by crushedout on May 28, 2007, at 11:55:02
In reply to Re: I ruined her entire month » crushedout, posted by Phillipa on May 28, 2007, at 11:53:59
yeah it's true--not mean
Posted by raisinb on May 29, 2007, at 11:16:39
In reply to Re: I ruined her entire month » Phillipa, posted by crushedout on May 28, 2007, at 11:55:02
I gotta say, that after I've read about the whole thing, I'm vicariously satisfied, too!
Posted by crushedout on May 29, 2007, at 12:09:01
In reply to Re: I ruined her entire month, posted by raisinb on May 29, 2007, at 11:16:39
i know, right? it's hard not to be.
Posted by muffled on May 29, 2007, at 13:21:10
In reply to Re: I ruined her entire month » raisinb, posted by crushedout on May 29, 2007, at 12:09:01
Crushed...what DOES your present T say bout all this??
Please ignore me if this is a rude or uncomfortable question. I just wondered is all.
Hope your doing OK and are able to get some resolution out of this...
Muffled
Posted by crushedout on May 29, 2007, at 13:28:57
In reply to Re: I ruined her entire month, posted by muffled on May 29, 2007, at 13:21:10
I'll ask her.I wish I knew, muffled. my current T doesn't say stuff. she just listens and asks questions. sometimes i wonder if i need a better T but i'm so happy that i feel safe with her that i just can't bear the thought of leaving.
i should just ask her that question tomorrow and see what she says. she usually dodges questions, though. :(
Posted by muffled on May 29, 2007, at 13:45:21
In reply to Re: I ruined her entire month » muffled, posted by crushedout on May 29, 2007, at 13:28:57
>
> I'll ask her.Good!
> I wish I knew, muffled. my current T doesn't say stuff. she just listens and asks questions. sometimes i wonder if i need a better T but i'm so happy that i feel safe with her that i just can't bear the thought of leaving.Sigh, I know how you feel crushed, I been thinking that of my T too :-(
Sucks...
My T talks and that, but I dunno if she gets some stuff...or mebbe I just trying to protect her too much?
Anyhow, somehow its not quite working it seems somehow...>
> i should just ask her that question tomorrow and see what she says. she usually dodges questions, though. :(Well I'm sorry bout that crushed. What kind of T is she? Like psychodynamic or something? Its kinda weird how she dodges questions? Mebbe you could ask her bout that too?
Good luck to you OK?
Hope you can work things out with this T, specially with you feeling safe and all, thats a huge deal to be able to feel safe.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by crushedout on May 29, 2007, at 16:40:10
In reply to Re: I ruined her entire month » crushedout, posted by muffled on May 29, 2007, at 13:45:21
> > I wish I knew, muffled. my current T doesn't say stuff. she just listens and asks questions. sometimes i wonder if i need a better T but i'm so happy that i feel safe with her that i just can't bear the thought of leaving.
>
> Sigh, I know how you feel crushed, I been thinking that of my T too :-(
> Sucks...
> My T talks and that, but I dunno if she gets some stuff...or mebbe I just trying to protect her too much?
> Anyhow, somehow its not quite working it seems somehow...mine talks, too. it's just that when she does, she rarely seems to say much that's helpful. i often end up just looking at her in a sort of bewildered way and then awkwardly changing the subject because i don't even know what she's trying to say. and i feel sort of sorry for her fumbling.
> > i should just ask her that question tomorrow and see what she says. she usually dodges questions, though. :(
>
> Well I'm sorry bout that crushed. What kind of T is she? Like psychodynamic or something? Its kinda weird how she dodges questions? Mebbe you could ask her bout that too?I think she's kind of on the Freudian/analytical side. she's definitely a big believer in being basically a blank slate and trying to keep her own self out of my therapy. which has been important for me. but it's also sometimes frustrating. i'm not sure she would describe her approach that way, though. i should ask her.
i dunno if it's weird how she dodges questions. i think she feels that her opinions don't really belong in my therapy so she tries to put it back on me. other times i think she just doesn't know what to say and kind of chokes. i always feel very uncomfortable for her at those points. but she's very open to criticism and in the past when i've told her stuff that she does that i don't like, she takes it very well (does not get defensive). so i certainly could bring it up with her.
> Good luck to you OK?thank you.
> Hope you can work things out with this T, specially with you feeling safe and all, thats a huge deal to be able to feel safe.i totally agree. it IS a huge deal. i am grateful for it.
Posted by crushedout on May 31, 2007, at 10:01:55
In reply to Re: I ruined her entire month » crushedout, posted by muffled on May 29, 2007, at 13:45:21
hey muff,
so i told my T yesterday that you wanted to know what she thought of everything and that i didn't know. she seemed perplexed because really i did know.
she just wonders aloud with me a lot, as she pointed out. she wondered aloud about the ethics of my ex-T (or any T) having a blog that can be easily found by her patients. she wondered aloud what i was getting out of interacting with my ex-T, but also said she respected that i had some need to. and respected my decision to follow through on that need. i have told her that i'm seeking some kind of closure and she understands that need. we're both unsure of the best way to achieve that for me. but she says i'm the only one who really has ALL the facts, who can really decide for myself.
she's actually pretty smart, isn't she?
Posted by muffled on May 31, 2007, at 12:39:51
In reply to my current t's response » muffled, posted by crushedout on May 31, 2007, at 10:01:55
> hey muff,
*hey crushed!
>
> so i told my T yesterday that you wanted to know what she thought of everything and that i didn't know. she seemed perplexed because really i did know.*Hmmm OK
>
> she just wonders aloud with me a lot, as she pointed out. she wondered aloud about the ethics of my ex-T (or any T) having a blog that can be easily found by her patients.*perhaps not the smartest cookie...
she wondered aloud what i was getting out of interacting with my ex-T, but also said she respected that i had some need to. and respected my decision to follow through on that need.
*WOW! Nice T, very accepting. Guess she's working on building relationship w/you which is nice.
i have told her that i'm seeking some kind of closure and she understands that need. we're both unsure of the best way to achieve that for me. but she says i'm the only one who really has ALL the facts, who can really decide for myself.
*Yes she IS smart :-)
Has she helped guide you somewhat thru this? My T doesn't DO alot either, but sometimes she helps me to work it out. Has your T been helpful in you working it out? Or has she just sorta essentially said, its up to you and just left it in your lap?, in which case, what use is she? It just seems so hard for you, I hope she is helpul in a concrete way somehow. I guess just having someone on your side is huge. My T sticking with me depite all my foolishness has been very amazing to me. But as usual, arrgggh, I proly SO missing the point.
>
> she's actually pretty smart, isn't she?**So yes, I think she IS smart. I think she working to build trust and support, and thats SO very important. Sometimes I forget that, and just want to get to the meat of stuff.
Best wishes crushed, and this has been interesting to me and I appreciate you following up on it.
Take good care,
Muffled
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