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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gazo on May 21, 2007, at 11:56:54
i'm trying.. i've tried. All i am doing is repeating the nonfunctional patterns from RL. i keep trying to connect with people here, and IRL, and it doesn't happen or something goes wrong somehow.. my fault, not theirs/yours. Then i just try harder, get louder, more demanding... emotional screaming as my T says. It hurts like hell but it never helps anything.
So, i am officially leaving Babble. i don't fit no matter what i do. i'm the sore thumb. Please don't anyone get their knickers in a knot, it isn't meant to offend anyone.. i honestly feel it's something wrong in how i interact.. or fail to interact or something. Even when people try to connect with me it short circuits on one end or the other.
i'm aware that if i stay i would just scream louder and push even more people away. i don't mean to or want to, it's how i am right now. Working on that.
So right now babble is bad for me, because i am bad for babble. i need things around me that are about me.. or that's how i feel and that is NOT good in a community environment, for anyone. Babble isn't safe for me, life isn't safe for me.. nowhere is safe anymore.
you guys have been good for me in many ways, especially in chat. i appreciate it. i envy the connections you seem to be able to form... i sincerely do. i'm a freak and likely always will be. My T says it's not so, but we have only just begun.
it's going to be a hard road for now.. current situation combined with T on vacation. Life is as clear as mud. i just know i have to go.
maybe at some point i'll get my sh*t together and be able to connect with people.
much love and peace
Posted by zenhussy on May 21, 2007, at 12:02:43
In reply to i am unhealthy for babble, posted by gazo on May 21, 2007, at 11:56:54
Posted by Racer on May 21, 2007, at 12:29:33
In reply to i am unhealthy for babble, posted by gazo on May 21, 2007, at 11:56:54
Honestly, Gazo, no one wants to see you leave. If Babble really is bad for you, that's one thing, but if it's fear that you're somehow "damaged," well -- I'm damaged, others here are damaged, you think we won't understand?
The benefit of interacting here with us is that we understand the process of learning new behaviors. If you're interested, you can work on improving your interactions by practicing here. Lots of people have done it before you...
Good luck, whatever you choose to do.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2007, at 12:33:03
In reply to You could use this place for practice... » gazo, posted by Racer on May 21, 2007, at 12:29:33
I agree with Zen and Racer. I certainly have changed a lot on Babble (as both of them can attest), and sometimes it even leaks over to real life, if I'm not too anxious.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 21, 2007, at 14:53:49
In reply to Re: You could use this place for practice..., posted by Dinah on May 21, 2007, at 12:33:03
Hi Gazo,
I haven't known you that long, so I'm sorry if you don't feel any special connection to me personally.I think that you add a lot to babble. Your contributions here are very valuable.
You are not a freak, you are not poisonous or damaged. You are struggling, and probably suffering.
In time you will feel better. Even if you feel like you're repeating the same patterns over and over again, with each "repetition" you are in a different place. You can use babble as one of the stepping stones to acquiring experiences that will make the "real world" more tolerable. Maybe babble can help you learn more about yourself, so that you can make better choices.
The other reason why I'd miss you on babble is because you provide support to others, whether you admit it to yourself or not. You are a valued member of this community. I hope you have not run into any rough patches with particular posters; if you have, try to remember that we know you by the overall impression you give, not according to any one incident or pattern.
Know that you are not "judged" here according to how you look, act, or feel. You can truly be yourself, and we will support you when we can, and be with you when we can't find the right words.
I use babble to write sometimes. Just the act of writing helps me organize my life into episodes, and sometimes I even get some insight into why I act the way I do.
Your posts have helped me gain insight into human nature. As different as you may feel from others, you are still human, and you can still teach us a lot about ourselves.
If babble makes you feel bad, of course it's a good thing for you to get some distance. Please come back and join us if/when you are able. We'll miss you.
-Ll
Posted by LadyBug on May 21, 2007, at 16:18:44
In reply to (((((gazo))))) » Dinah, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 21, 2007, at 14:53:49
I'm sure you know what's best but I'm sorry that you feel you need to leave. I like reading what you add. I'm not always the best to respond, probably because of my own insecurities of thinking what I say will sound dumb.
Hugs when you need them...........((((((gazo))))))
LadyBug
Posted by Honore on May 21, 2007, at 16:21:18
In reply to i am unhealthy for babble, posted by gazo on May 21, 2007, at 11:56:54
e you'll start to feel one with me, Gazo.
I was thinking about you all weekend, wondering how things were going--
why do you feel like you have to leave?
I think you'll stick around, cause you know this isn't such a bad place and you dont stick out like such a sore thumb. Because you really don't. I hope so.
Honore
Posted by muffled on May 21, 2007, at 16:51:03
In reply to i am unhealthy for babble, posted by gazo on May 21, 2007, at 11:56:54
as soons you feel OK bout stuff.
You SO fit in I afraid to say.
Muffled says so.
HA!
You ARE a Babbler.
Miss ya.
Hopes goin ok yer way.
Ya thinkin of ya.
HA! I all f*cked up too!!!!!
S'ok.
Ya, don't stay away too long right?
Posted by Happyflower on May 21, 2007, at 18:27:00
In reply to i am unhealthy for babble, posted by gazo on May 21, 2007, at 11:56:54
Hi Gazo,
I hope you change your mind and stick around. I enjoy talking to you. I hope I didn't do anything to upset you, if I did, I am sorry.
We can help you through this time, please let us. You have done nothing wrong.
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 21, 2007, at 20:58:43
In reply to i am unhealthy for babble, posted by gazo on May 21, 2007, at 11:56:54
That's not the way Babble works, sweetie. Here is one of the safest places I know to learn how to connect to people. Please stay and keep trying.
This is the end of the thread.
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