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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by michellemybell on April 21, 2007, at 18:55:29
Hey everyone,
I don't usually start a post, let alone a follow up--so I'm just going to start:
When I get depressed on weekends which is very often, sometimes its terrible in anxious way, sometimes i feel like a zombie, and sometimes I im just a little depressed and needy to (like this weekend).
I called my T, who is cool..my she doesnt call back usually unless it's an emergency. Boundaries are good, but I still try and get her to call me. Things always work out with us in the end. But it's these few times when I call, then get worries that she doesnt like me because I called. (even though she tells me that she doesnt mind me calling at all, and its just that she doesnt call back). Then I get angry. Then I get depressed like I am now.
So I start out being depressed because of something else, or just because I have depression, or because I'm lonely one weekend (it seems like on weekends I either have many things to do, or nothing at all, and no one is available). Then I end up being depressed and anxious about my T not calling me back. I always want more, but I know if she actually gave me all that I wanted I would be scared or bored with her. I left her 3 messages..the first one saying im depressed, the second sounding needy/little girl, the third daying "i hate you" very quietly..even though I know she knows I dont mean it.
But I guess I just dont know what to do till I see her. I know it's monday, which doesnt seem far away to most, but to me it does, I hate weekends like this. And for some reason-the sudden change to warm sunny weather in NY is making me more upset..while everyone else is loving it. I don't know how to tolerate this feeling. The good thing is that I have good relationship with my T..3 years ago I had a T who was completley different..it hurt so much, destroyed me. I had issues with woman after that, even though I am one...luckily this therapist helped a lot with that--though still a work in progress.My current T..I we have small arguements at times, but we always get closer after. And I dont get scared about calling her cuz she is okay with (thought i get nervous at times). I actually get angry now, or feel like a little kid who wants something soo bad, and keeps complaining or trying to get attention. Ironically i was the little kid who was sweet, shy, and quiet! Does anyone knoe the game called "the sims", I wish I could fast-foward right now, like in the game.
Posted by frida on April 22, 2007, at 1:45:14
In reply to Agreed..Weekends are rough., posted by michellemybell on April 21, 2007, at 18:55:29
Hi,
Sometimes weekends can be so hard...
I am sorry you are struggling right now.
I'm glad you have a T you can trust.
It is really hard to get through some weekends.
I also know the Sims :-) I used to play it and have a neighbourhood and house where my "T" lived and I could see her. It seems silly, but it helped me feel safer.
What helps me get through weekends is reaching out sometimes. I often feel like a little girl too. Reaching out....or doing something to feel connected to my T and not alone..like a drawing for example.
or just watch movies so it's over soon...I'm sorry it's hard..
I hope you can soon be in your T's office.sending you support,
Frida
Posted by JoniS on April 23, 2007, at 14:00:46
In reply to Agreed..Weekends are rough., posted by michellemybell on April 21, 2007, at 18:55:29
Hi Michelle
I just read your post or I would have responded earlier. Sorry you had a rough weekend. I'm not so good at expressing compassionate posts, so I don't do it real often. I read other people's posts and they are so thoughtful, then I think negative about myself for mine. Anyway... I just wanted to tell you I sure know how you feel. I have a hard time between sessions, not just on the weekends. Maybe weekends are worse. I think about my T more then. Even though I may be spending pretty good time with my husband (or alone) I still think of my T a lot and wish I could talk to him. Last night I even dreamed about him, and his wife. What a life!
I hope you had a good session, today, right?
Take care,
Joni
Posted by michellemybell on April 27, 2007, at 0:30:45
In reply to Re: Agreed..Weekends are rough. » michellemybell, posted by frida on April 22, 2007, at 1:45:14
Thanks for the message :) I felt better reading it. I felt better on sunday, I met someone new (like a friend) and I'm shy so that was cool. My session monday went well..learned something new. Question..did you even tell your therapist that you have a sim version of them? Do you tell him/her that you feel little sometimes in that way?
> Hi,
> Sometimes weekends can be so hard...
> I am sorry you are struggling right now.
> I'm glad you have a T you can trust.
> It is really hard to get through some weekends.
> I also know the Sims :-) I used to play it and have a neighbourhood and house where my "T" lived and I could see her. It seems silly, but it helped me feel safer.
> What helps me get through weekends is reaching out sometimes. I often feel like a little girl too. Reaching out....or doing something to feel connected to my T and not alone..like a drawing for example.
> or just watch movies so it's over soon...
>
> I'm sorry it's hard..
> I hope you can soon be in your T's office.
>
> sending you support,
> Frida
>
>
>
Posted by michellemybell on April 27, 2007, at 0:42:02
In reply to Re: Agreed..Weekends are rough. » michellemybell, posted by JoniS on April 23, 2007, at 14:00:46
Hey Joni,
I read your post over the weekend, and it meant a lot to me. I was in a contemplative mood where I couldn't post. And as for compassionate post, what matters to me is feelings like someone cares/is interested. Written expression is great, but sometimes flowery writing is nothing without the intent. and everyone has their form of expression. It interested me also when you said you feel negative about yours at times.. I mean-I'm usually hesitant to post because of a similar feeling. I know what you mean about having fun with some one, but still thinking about T. What I found a little more helpful with that..is that I have one friend who is okay listenting to me talk about my therapist, and interested..it's hard to find people who arent in therapy, to listen about ur therapist lol. And oh man, the T's wife dream..I had a few of those. My session went well this past monday, but it was difficult and I felt unfinished. She let me come in tuesday, and I feel much closer to her now, and learned something new bout my self sort of. When are your sessions?
> Hi Michelle
>
> I just read your post or I would have responded earlier. Sorry you had a rough weekend. I'm not so good at expressing compassionate posts, so I don't do it real often. I read other people's posts and they are so thoughtful, then I think negative about myself for mine. Anyway... I just wanted to tell you I sure know how you feel. I have a hard time between sessions, not just on the weekends. Maybe weekends are worse. I think about my T more then. Even though I may be spending pretty good time with my husband (or alone) I still think of my T a lot and wish I could talk to him. Last night I even dreamed about him, and his wife. What a life!
>
> I hope you had a good session, today, right?
>
> Take care,
> Joni
Posted by frida on April 28, 2007, at 13:16:25
In reply to Re: Agreed..Weekends are rough., posted by michellemybell on April 27, 2007, at 0:30:45
hi,
I'm glad your session went well :-)
I did tell my T about the sim version :-).
It has/had to do with how hard it is for me to internalize her and her caring. It helped because now she's much more open about her caring for me and I feel more connected..and we've found ways for me to feel connected in between sessions even though it's so hard. She understood what I did in the game as my attempt to try to have a "safe place" where I could somehow feel near. Now I don't do that so often anymore, but it was/is useful sometimes :-) In the game I am a little girl and she a grow-up safe person I visit and she's got cats and animals. We've laughed about this too.
and yes, I do tell her I feel as little girl. And she sees it. A lot of times I sit there and just behave as a scared, little girl in need of caring and safety. She is very accepting.I hope you can feel connected...
sending you support,
Frida
Posted by JoniS on April 28, 2007, at 21:36:39
In reply to Re: Agreed..Weekends are rough., posted by michellemybell on April 27, 2007, at 0:42:02
Hi Michelle,
That is great that you feel closer to your T after that last session you had. Sometimes I begin to feel closer to my T and then I sort of step back and protect myself again. My appointments are not on a regular schedule. My T just asks at the end of the session "when do you want to come back?" he waits a second for an answer, then he looks at his calendar and throws out a few dates. My appointments are often about 10 days apart. Sometimes closer sometimes further depending on his openings. One day (when I was feeling close and domfortable) when he asked when I want to come back, it was about 2 or 3 in the afternoon and I said "5:00 would be good" We got a good laugh out of that one. Right now I am hopelessly loving my T. He's been a tremendous help to me and my family over the past 4 years.Hope you are doing well this weekend! I hope it's better for you than they usually are. Mine is going OK but that's partly because I know I'll see mine on Monday.
Take Care,
Joni
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