Posted by michellemybell on April 21, 2007, at 18:55:29
Hey everyone,
I don't usually start a post, let alone a follow up--so I'm just going to start:
When I get depressed on weekends which is very often, sometimes its terrible in anxious way, sometimes i feel like a zombie, and sometimes I im just a little depressed and needy to (like this weekend).
I called my T, who is cool..my she doesnt call back usually unless it's an emergency. Boundaries are good, but I still try and get her to call me. Things always work out with us in the end. But it's these few times when I call, then get worries that she doesnt like me because I called. (even though she tells me that she doesnt mind me calling at all, and its just that she doesnt call back). Then I get angry. Then I get depressed like I am now.
So I start out being depressed because of something else, or just because I have depression, or because I'm lonely one weekend (it seems like on weekends I either have many things to do, or nothing at all, and no one is available). Then I end up being depressed and anxious about my T not calling me back. I always want more, but I know if she actually gave me all that I wanted I would be scared or bored with her. I left her 3 messages..the first one saying im depressed, the second sounding needy/little girl, the third daying "i hate you" very quietly..even though I know she knows I dont mean it.
But I guess I just dont know what to do till I see her. I know it's monday, which doesnt seem far away to most, but to me it does, I hate weekends like this. And for some reason-the sudden change to warm sunny weather in NY is making me more upset..while everyone else is loving it. I don't know how to tolerate this feeling. The good thing is that I have good relationship with my T..3 years ago I had a T who was completley different..it hurt so much, destroyed me. I had issues with woman after that, even though I am one...luckily this therapist helped a lot with that--though still a work in progress.My current T..I we have small arguements at times, but we always get closer after. And I dont get scared about calling her cuz she is okay with (thought i get nervous at times). I actually get angry now, or feel like a little kid who wants something soo bad, and keeps complaining or trying to get attention. Ironically i was the little kid who was sweet, shy, and quiet! Does anyone knoe the game called "the sims", I wish I could fast-foward right now, like in the game.
poster:michellemybell
thread:752104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/752104.html