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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Honore on April 13, 2007, at 23:13:00
about things that matter to me.
I'm not sure why, but it doesn't feel as if I'll get responses that feel right.
I had surgery, which was a terrible struggle, just to get to the point of having it happen. It's just so hard for me to see people when I don't feel at all in control, or when I at least feel as if I'll have to depend on people or let them take care of me.
I can't believe all the stuff I've been through over this, and it's a small deal elective surgery. I can't imagine how people can handle things so much more frightening than this. Even now, it's exhausting not to know how well something will heal or turn out, and to wait worrying about it every second of the day.
Life is really way too hard for me.
Honore
Posted by gazo on April 13, 2007, at 23:25:57
In reply to It's hard to post here, posted by Honore on April 13, 2007, at 23:13:00
can i ask Honore, that the responses that "feel right"... what would they sound like? i would love to give you what you are needing, but i don't know what that is.
The best i can do is to tell you that i think you are a wonderfully intelligent person who contributes a lot here. i am very sorry that you have such fear and anxiety and that it causes you such problems.
i am sorry life is so hard for you.
i hope you heal well and quickly.
much love and peace
Posted by muffled on April 14, 2007, at 0:12:00
In reply to It's hard to post here, posted by Honore on April 13, 2007, at 23:13:00
Posted by madeline on April 14, 2007, at 6:40:02
In reply to It's hard to post here, posted by Honore on April 13, 2007, at 23:13:00
Well, I tend to view any surgery as a major surgery. It's invasive, it can trigger body memories and it puts us totally at the mercy of someone else AND our body (which we usually don't entirely to trust) to heal.
I once had ONE wisdom tooth removed. I also had to have the molar next to it removed because I waited too long to have the wisdom tooth extracted out of worry.
That's right ONE wisdom tooth - plus a second molar.
That "simple" procedure caused me to miss a week of work because I was crippled with worry, pain and a feeling of helplessness.
I understand what you are going through and think it is absolutely alright.
Despite all the progress in my recovery, I still have a problem with people doing stuff to my body and - no - I haven't been to the dentist since.
This will pass and your body will heal.
Take care and know that you are understood.
Maddie
Posted by Honore on April 14, 2007, at 12:33:57
In reply to Re: It's hard to post here » Honore, posted by madeline on April 14, 2007, at 6:40:02
Thanks Maddie. I know it's hard to respond if it seems that your response is already said not to be right.
Your response is so helpful and great. The hospital where I had to stay even though I was fighting the whole way to make the doctor not force me-- although it was at the end necessary, I guess-- was so awful. So dark and yet saturated by this strange flickering sense of danger, like a hundred ghosts down the corridor, or leaning out from each room.
When I was walking in the middle of the night, cause I couldn't sleep at all, the bed was like a prison, and I thought if I couldn't get up my body would burst into a thousand vibrating pieces of glass. Then they had to walk me cause I was tied to some IV thing- and they were acting as if I were an invalid, and could stand on my own. Which I could. The light in hospitals is so eerie, you know? like this dim half light that doesn't shine, but just glimmers away from you. Nothing but long white right angles that go off into the darkness and no air. It's the most airless place I've ever been.
Lying down was worse, because they wanted me not to move, and made it impossible at one point for me to. Probably thought I would move in my sleep-- except I don't, and I couldn't sleep.
I know I shouldn't complain. But when you're lying in this massive carpet of silence that they seem to cover you with, the worst thoughts and memories come into your mind. Mine are mostly about my mistakes and failures and all the things I wish had been different. But they're bad enough to me.
And they really think if you're obviously frightened or sad that you're annoying and demanding==and act as if you're the lowest type of person because you can't be strong. I'd love to be strong. It seems to unfair that they get angry at you because you can't keep the feelings away-- when you're at your worst. Maybe I'm just not sympathetic== I mean people don't find me so. Which is my doing too. But I don't mean to be distrustful and hard, and yet so frightened and sad.,I hope you can forgive my going on about myself. I'd love to practice terseness, but it never works.
Honore
Posted by Honore on April 14, 2007, at 12:35:38
In reply to Best wishes (((Honore)))) (nm) » Honore, posted by muffled on April 14, 2007, at 0:12:00
Posted by Honore on April 14, 2007, at 23:19:31
In reply to Re: It's hard to post here, posted by Honore on April 14, 2007, at 12:33:57
PS for my own reference, in case I need to look it up,
1, the doctor told me to take a homeopathic med, bromolaine, which probably caused me to have extensive, unexplained bleeding during the procedure (it can cause that, which he didn't/doesn't seem to know but which I will tell him is very clear)
2, the doctor did a more extensive procedure than I gave permission for or agreed to. I have no idea how that happened-- longer healing, more extensive scar
Particularly this morning when I realized he'd done the wrong procedure, I was extremely upset. I have a strong feeling he won't even admit it, because the only explanation I can think of is that his nurse took incorrect notes during our meeting (two different nurses, at two meetings when decisions were being made).
3. doctor also told me to take another homeopathic med called lymphomyosot, which had a bad interaction with Emsam, and caused high blood pressure, tacchycardia and PVC s (preventricular contractions) yesterday and today especially that were worse than anything since October, and which resolved almost immediately when I took off the Emsam this evening. Probably will have to wait a few more days to put it back on.
4. he also told me I would have local anesthesia, and then just before I went into the operating room, the anesthesiologist told me that she was giving me a general. (Which led to a prolonged discussion and almost cancellation of operation.) Also have no idea how this misunderstanding arose, because I said directly to him that I didn't want a general. This I have no explanation for, because it was in the second meeting with him, and only one person (second nurse) took medical notes on it.
5. Dr he referred me to for medical clearance mistakenly put down that I was allergic to penicillin, which I"m not (and shellfish and iodine-- also not true, but not relevant), may also have put down that I had hypertension, which I also don't have ( I have if anything low blood pressure). (I wonder about this because the nurse who was doing the final workup at the hospital kept asking me whether I didn't have hypertension, even though I kept saying I didn't.--She also kept asking me if I was allergic to penicillin, etc.)
Is it me, or is this pretty scary?
Honore
Posted by Declan on April 15, 2007, at 3:22:57
In reply to Re: It's hard to post here, posted by Honore on April 14, 2007, at 23:19:31
Perhaps you mean bromelain from pineapples, a proteolytic enzyme?
It can reduce swelling and perhaps affects blood coagulation?
Posted by Honore on April 15, 2007, at 7:32:12
In reply to Re: It's hard to post here » Honore, posted by Declan on April 15, 2007, at 3:22:57
Exactly that bromelain,Declan. The doctor claimed it helped in wound healing, but I looked it up and there are a number of scientific studies dealing with it as a factor that can inhibit platelet aggregation (blood clotting, of course).
I asked his nurse who assured me they'd never had a problem. But then that's why they do double-blind placebo studies=-=-
It's a pretty complex substance. After the operation the doctor asked me if I used any prohibited substances (any nsaids, etc), which I know I didn't. He said my clotting during the operation was abnormal --leading to much more bleeding then he usually experiences--and was probably caused by something I used. Since my clotting is usually fine, and I didn't use anything except what he recommended, I'm going with bromelain. There's almost no research on side effects, etc.-- it's homeopathic, which means that there's no need to prove efficacy or safety in the US.
As to how I got the wrong operation, all I come up with is the theory of the "weakest link" I know what I"m doing, and am careful, he seems to be a fairly intelligent man-- so I'm betting the nurse somehow absentmindedly or carelessly wrote down the wrong operation in her notes on our meetings. I noticed that the first nurse suddenly disappears. Don't know if there was a transferring error, but I suspect the first nurse.
What it shows is that an awful number of things can go wrong, even when pretty competent people collaborate. The game of telephone is alive and well in doctors' offices, so to speak.
Thanks for asking.
Honore
Posted by Declan on April 15, 2007, at 15:53:09
In reply to Re: It's hard to post here, posted by Honore on April 15, 2007, at 7:32:12
If it can break up proteins (tenderising meat) I guess it breaks up the proteins involved in clotting.
It can thin mucus the same way.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 17, 2007, at 10:43:04
In reply to Re: It's hard to post here, posted by Honore on April 14, 2007, at 23:19:31
Wow, that IS pretty scary. And it sounds like it was traumatic, which is not what you want to do to your patients right before surgery.
Speedy and uneventful healing to you....
namasté
gg
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on April 18, 2007, at 18:44:15
In reply to Re: It's hard to post here » Honore, posted by gardenergirl on April 17, 2007, at 10:43:04
Honore,
I'm so sorry that I didn't read this post earlier.you deserve to be treated so much better than what you got. I hope that you are safer and at home right now. That you have a few projects that will keep your other arm occupied.
you amaze me that you could type that whole thing after shoulder surgery.
I would rather not talk about my recent experience in the hospital, but suffice it to say that I spent every night in fetal and remember most of the hourly "just checking to see if you're all right" stuff.
And the air. suffocating. The prisoners were begging for fresh air everyday, which they could not do because there wasn't enough staff for all of the patients to be monitored unless we were all in one place. They assured me that the patients would have lots of time to spend outside once the weather got warmer. I don't give a crap about July. I mean TODAY when it's sunny and 55 degrees. just 5 minutes of letting the breeze muss my hair and remember what non-disinfected air smells like...
the non FDA-approved supplements sound extremely suspicious to me. this is very worrisome. One time my doctor told me to take more vitamin E. He saw my vitamin regimen and says that it's okay, but has never encouraged me to take something that wasn't measured in standardized units and stuff like that.
but how are you today? how is your range of motion and your range of emotion?
sorry I didn't pick up on this. you were really suffering and I was trying not to get involved in peoples stuff. I feel bad for not supporting you more. You deserve all the best support in the world.
(safe bed and comfy pillows for you, and I hope you have a laptop with a long ethernet cable so that you can take it whereever you need it.
This is the end of the thread.
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