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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gazo on April 4, 2007, at 12:22:27
i wrote a letter to my T and once again i couldn't bring myself to drop it off. This time i even made it into his office tower. i re-read it and lost my nerve. i didn't give any details from my past in it or anything. It was just about how bad i had been feeling this past week.
what freaked me out when i read it was i suddenly thought maybe he'd get worried about how i said it and he'd try to have me hospitalized. i worried maybe he'd think i was too big of a problem for him to deal with and he'd not want to see me. i worried i'd look like an a$$ for sneaking in with a letter each week.
i think he is a great guy and i like him a lot... but i don't know him well enough to know what his rxn would be to stuff. He seemed genuinely sad at some of the things i told him last time.. and that felt good to me.. like maybe it really wasn't just me overreacting to stuff.
and as much as i adore my former T, i am trying even harder to give this new guy more access to who i am in here.
so what is with me? why can't i drop off a simple letter? i mean, the guy is a T.. it's not like i am the first to do it, or he has never seen bad stuff with people before. What am i afraid of?
Posted by DisTraught on April 4, 2007, at 12:38:18
In reply to i chickened out - again :o(, posted by gazo on April 4, 2007, at 12:22:27
being rejected?
Penny
Posted by gazo on April 4, 2007, at 12:52:15
In reply to Re: i chickened out - again :o(, posted by DisTraught on April 4, 2007, at 12:38:18
> being rejected?
>
> Pennyprobably... among other things. i just don't know. i can't meet his eyes for more than a few seconds. My last T commented on how i always stared at the floor, and hardly ever made eye contact.
Posted by Scentedgarden on April 4, 2007, at 21:57:20
In reply to Re: i chickened out - again :o( » DisTraught, posted by gazo on April 4, 2007, at 12:52:15
PLz don't beat urself up bout it...least u got to the building...maybe you don't want to feel as tho ur a burden to him...but like you say he is a T so its his line of work to deal with all that stuff.... Take heart... maybe mext time you try you CAN drop it off... I've written to m\\y T every week for yrs... and I know she relishes the chalenges.... Anayway your new T does seem genuine from what you sad bout him in the last session... so I doubt very much he'd be sending you to hospital....Remember HE is there to help you Gazo... He is trained to deal with all sorts of traumatic and painful happenings/thought etc in his clients/patients life... TAke Heart my friend.... AT least you had th courage to write the letter... which is a bid step in itself... some people like to write, and if you're one of them it will come through in your writing... and it will certainly assist you with opening up more if he has this wonderful insight from your heart felt written thoughts and feelings... I also thinknthe fact you used to look at the floor and now you are loooking him in the eye for short periods...is fabby! making eye contact...! thats a huge step too...from looking down at the floor.... So, please dont beat urself up over not droppping it off...you did well even going to the building with the intention to hand it in for him... there is always a next time... sometimes we have to take littl baby steps Gazo..other times we take huge flying leaps... ANYWAY I JUST WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU, SAY I HEAR YOU AND, i hope you are keeping well.. take lots and lots of care special girl..!
Kindest wishes for and to you - hugs too<<<*>>>>>
scentedgarden
Posted by gazo on April 4, 2007, at 22:46:18
In reply to Re: i chickened out - again. (((((OH GAZO))) hug2u, posted by Scentedgarden on April 4, 2007, at 21:57:20
why are you so sweet to me SG? i am not complaining mind you.
i am in a bad head space. trying not to run scared. i am frantic.
you're a keeper SG. you say such beautiful things. what a wonderful spirit you must have.
Posted by gazo on April 4, 2007, at 22:49:35
In reply to Re: i chickened out - again. (((((OH GAZO))) hug2u, posted by Scentedgarden on April 4, 2007, at 21:57:20
Posted by Iwillsurvive on April 5, 2007, at 0:46:56
In reply to i chickened out - again :o(, posted by gazo on April 4, 2007, at 12:22:27
when the time is right, you will give him the letter.
Don't sweat it so much. I'm glad he seems a good T. I'm glad your ready to get down to business. I hope you can relax some. I bet you will once you settle in :)
Your a likeable person, I think you'll do great.
Posted by gazo on April 5, 2007, at 8:05:11
In reply to I think Gazo, posted by Iwillsurvive on April 5, 2007, at 0:46:56
i am just so nervous and hard on myself. It's a product of the stress i am living with right now. i don't sleep, i barely eat, i work and work and work... and i worry constantly. i am having nightmares every night. It's been eons since i had a good night's sleep.
thanks for the encouragement :o) i take a lot of stock in what you say. i like your attitude a lot.
This is the end of the thread.
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