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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on April 3, 2007, at 23:15:38
Reading about someone going to the hospital makes me wish I could go too. Am I crazy or what? I get jealous of the attention someone in distress gets. I'm a horrible, terrible person. It makes me want to act out.
I'm personality disordered. I hate myself. How can I be worried and care about a person and yet be somewhat jealous of them at the same time?
This jealously makes me wish I were suicidal again. I'm messed up. I yearn for attention and caring responses.
I'm writing about this in an effort to stop myself from wanting to be in crisis again. I'll admit that I write this to try to get some attention. I don't want to get attention by writing I'm going to hurt myself so I'm writing about wanting attention and being jealous.
I hope I don't upset anyone with my post. This is entirely my problem and doesn't have to do with anyone else.
Deneb*
Posted by Honore on April 3, 2007, at 23:30:54
In reply to I'm a bad person, I feel a little jealous, posted by Deneb on April 3, 2007, at 23:15:38
Deneb, you're a sweet person, who hasn't gotten the caring and support that you need, and who deserves it.
You don't need to hurt yourself to get heard.
You're important -- just because you are, not because you're sick, or hurting yourself.
Maybe you learned that growing up, but you're doing so well-- now-- and I for one am happy about it.
Honore
(((Deneb))}
Posted by sleepygirl on April 3, 2007, at 23:44:07
In reply to I'm a bad person, I feel a little jealous, posted by Deneb on April 3, 2007, at 23:15:38
I appreciate your honesty, and I think I respect it a lot. You really seem to be working on understanding yourself, it's really great to see denebster..good for you :-)
-sg :-)
Posted by Deneb on April 3, 2007, at 23:58:11
In reply to Re: I'm a bad person, I feel a little jealous » Deneb, posted by Honore on April 3, 2007, at 23:30:54
Thanks Honore.
After writing the above I worry now that some people might think of me as manipulative because I write that I hate myself and think I'm a bad person. People might think I wrote those things in order to get others to say the opposite. It's all very complicated.
I think my behaviours are manipulative in some ways, but I'm not trying to be manipulative on purpose. I have to separate the behaviour from the person. I know I'm a good person. My pdoc has used the word manipulative to describe my behaviours, but she doesn't think I'm a bad person.
I'm trying to figure things out.
Thanks for your reply Honore, it means a lot to me that you care.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on April 4, 2007, at 0:00:36
In reply to Re: I'm a bad person, I feel a little jealous » Deneb, posted by sleepygirl on April 3, 2007, at 23:44:07
Thanks sleepygirl.
I have to be honest with myself if I want to change. I have to understand myself, figure things out and learn new ways of meeting my needs without hurting others.
Posting this sorts out my feelings and helps me see things more clearly.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on April 4, 2007, at 0:10:19
In reply to Re: I'm a bad person, I feel a little jealous, posted by Deneb on April 4, 2007, at 0:00:36
Posted by Dinah on April 4, 2007, at 8:49:33
In reply to I'm a bad person, I feel a little jealous, posted by Deneb on April 3, 2007, at 23:15:38
Feelings make you neither bad nor good. They're very useful information, but they don't define you. DBT maindfulness training is very clear that judging emotions is not helpful.
I like your pdoc's stance. My therapist's stance is similar. And while he does identify some of my behavior as manipulative, he doesn't even say that like it's a bad thing. More like there are things I need that I haven't learned to get other ways yet. Then he explains the other ways.
You're doing good. Identifying and thinking through what you're feeling and where your impulses are coming from, and then modulating them, how is this the action of a bad person?
Posted by Iwillsurvive on April 5, 2007, at 0:48:04
In reply to You are a growing person, posted by Dinah on April 4, 2007, at 8:49:33
I agree w/Dinah Deneb.
Take care.
This is the end of the thread.
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