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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 12:25:35
Which was actually the third thing I purchased. Those token gifts can get expensive when you can't decide what you want to bring. Oh well, the rest can be consumed by my family. I decided the potential awkwardness if there was eating involved outweighed the benefit.
Anyway, I brought him a dozen bright yellow daisy type flowers that was the exact color of today's dress, and most of what I wear really. If I could have found a hot pink vase it would have been perfect.
Of course he had to be reminded of what I was commemorating with a dozen flowers, despite our recent conversation about it. But he expressed proper appreciation.
We spent the session looking back and forward. I told him all, including my thoughts about termination. The wretch had the discourtesy to look pleased. He said he thought that Katrina had accelerated my progress by years. I argued that that wasn't such a good thing, since the main result was to shake my sense of security with him and to realize that I couldn't trust him, anyone, or anything. I pointed out that he had left me when I needed him most, and that a lot of things that happened might not have happened if I had had support. Then admitted that he wasn't really in any shape to be great support anyway, and that I suspected that I handled Katrina better than he did, probably because I'm used to being in a crisis. Well, short term anyway. I crash after the immediate crisis, and that's when he left.
We talked about my ongoing fears that if I let myself trust him again, he'll hurt me again even though I know he won't do it on purpose.
He had the wit to say with very little prompting that I was free to see him as often as I liked for as long as I like, even after termination. And that of course personally he would feel a lot of sadness at losing our relationship.
Snort.
I talked about how bored I was lately, and how all we seemed to do is whine (me) and badger (him) about work. How there seemed to be a lot less energy between us since my need was lessened along with my sense of security. And that I really didn't feel like picking a fight to add energy. He laughed when I asked how to put the magic back in a twelve year therapy relationship, and agreed that he'd be willing to play therapy games if I can find an age appropriate one.
We talked a bit about the future.
And I found out about the pigs!!! He had a picture in his old office that I never quite understood. It was a gift from a client and he says he doesn't remember the significance. For my sake, I'm going to assume he is just lying to me and does remember the meaning.
He asked me if he could give me a hug as I left. I don't see him again for a week because of Good Friday, and maybe it's good to skip sessions now and again.
Posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 12:56:02
In reply to Decided on flowers, posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 12:25:35
He didn't remember the anniversary talk, but he did think I'd come in angry about the phone. So he figured out how to put to turn off the ringer entirely and showed me at the beginning of session that he was doing it. Hopefully he'll keep up the good work there.
I don't suppose anyone knows of any adult therapy games?
Posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 13:11:41
In reply to Oooh. Forgot., posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 12:56:02
What on earth do you do with your face?
Posted by annierose on April 3, 2007, at 17:25:30
In reply to Decided on flowers, posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 12:25:35
--- you didn't find a hot pink vase? Golly I wish we lived nearer, I have one or two. Flowers are always lovely and thoughtful. When he walks into his office the next few days, he'll smile knowing a very special client of 12 years gave them to him.
And he offered a hug. Very sweet and genuine. I know this isn't the first hug, but it came from him and that had to feel special.
You shouldn't feel disappointed that all of us feel that you shined during katrina. That doesn't mean it wasn't HARD or unpleasant or SAD or made you angry or any emotions you suffered. We recognized your inner-strength during that crisis. You did make it! I don't think I could have lived in a hotel that long without major psychological damage to myself, husband and two children. I was so proud of you. As was your t. It's a compliment.
I'm glad you have your stool back.
Posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 18:23:10
In reply to Re: Decided on flowers » Dinah, posted by annierose on April 3, 2007, at 17:25:30
Ah well, you know me. Always contrary. I suppose it's just like me to pull toward outward calmness when confronted by people making hasty panicked decisions. If they'd all been calm, I'd have probably panicked outwardly as thoroughly as I did inwardly. ;)
It wasn't an unpleasant exchange today although I did cry a bit when I talked about him leaving when I needed him. He said he was sorry but that I knew it was only because he had to take care of his family and himself. I woke up from my post therapy nap today with the thought "But *you* are *my* family."
Therapy relationships. Too unequal.
I'm glad I went. It helped me begin to sort out how much thinking of termination had to do with feeling stronger and less needy as opposed to feeling hurt and self protective. I think both are involved, certainly.
I wish I lived closer to you too (not just for vase reasons)! I have to confess the flower idea came only this morning, so I didn't have time to shop around. I had a dozen cookies in the car with me and everything.
Posted by annierose on April 3, 2007, at 18:54:38
In reply to Re: Decided on flowers » annierose, posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 18:23:10
See, I would have given him both the cookies and the vase!
I'm glad you went too. They are unequal relationships but they are relationships. Our conversations don't take place in a vacum. I'm sure therapists sometimes wish they could say more than they should ... what I mean, it takes measured restraint to be a good therapist.
I've had some solid sessions lately --- this talking about passing thoughts can be really helpful! Who knew!
Posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 19:34:13
In reply to Re: Decided on flowers » Dinah, posted by annierose on April 3, 2007, at 18:54:38
I'm really glad it's working for you. I know you were having some hard times with her lately.
How does that work? I'm trying to remember if I have any passing thoughts in therapy...
Posted by annierose on April 3, 2007, at 21:18:29
In reply to Re: Decided on flowers » annierose, posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 19:34:13
I seriously try to say whatever pops into my mind without editing them. It's hard because sometimes it's so random, sometimes it's wondering about her, it's anything and everything. It's hard but I'm leaving feeling accomplished. It's changed our relationship for the better.
Posted by Honore on April 4, 2007, at 9:03:06
In reply to To those less tall than the huggers in their lives, posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 13:11:41
What a great appointment!
I'm happy for you Dinah. Sounds like you said a lot of things that were on your mind-- and you got him a present-- and even liked his reaction. And forgave him for forgetting (which is odd-- that he did.)
Plus a hug! And it was okay, too.
The dangling or intrusive head syndrome while hugging is one that no one has yet solved. The only thing to do is try to dissassociate yourself from your head, and let it go wherever it seems to want to, without letting its bizarre tendency to loll off to the side or run smack into someone's shoulder-- in any way spoil the moment.
Sounds like the shoals of the 12th Anniversary were skillfully navigated. Plus he's shut off the cell.
There's an old game called Scruples-- do you remember it? It's not a therapy game but it asks you all sorts of fun personal/or philosophical questions and then you get to be horrified or astonished at one another's answers.
{{{Dinah}}}
Honore
Posted by Fallsfall on April 4, 2007, at 10:05:52
In reply to Decided on flowers, posted by Dinah on April 3, 2007, at 12:25:35
"But *you* are *my* family."
Boy does that strike a chord with me.
Congrats on 12 years. Congrats on choosing a gift. Congrats on getting a hug!!! (Lean the side of your face on his shoulder is my recommendation.)
You really have come a long way in 12 years, Dinah. For someone who says that she gives up all the time, you certainly have fought for this relationship. And it has been a good thing.
I hope you feel some satisfied contentment.
Love,
FallsP.S. I have a game called "Ungame" (I got it for 1.95 at the Goodwill store) - copyright 1984. The Ungame Company, P.O. Box 6382, Anaheim, CA 92806. Created by Rhea Zakich.
It has two sets of cards - easy and hard.
Easy cards are:
Complete this statement: Love is _____
If you received $5000 as a gift - how would you spend it?
Tell about a time when you felt proud of yourself
What is your favorite song?Hard cards are:
What is your definition of security?
What would you like to be remembered for after you die?
Describe a happy familyThere is a board with sections like:
Friendly Farm
Worry Wharf
Complaint Campground
Happy HouseIt might spark some conversation.
But I recommend free association (saying whatever you think). It is hard, but quite valuable.
Posted by annierose on April 4, 2007, at 18:34:50
In reply to Re: Decided on flowers, posted by Fallsfall on April 4, 2007, at 10:05:52
There is a book called "If" --- there are a couple in the series and they ask various questions to help spark a conversation. I like them on car rides with my husband and children. The answers children think of are often the best.
Posted by annierose on April 4, 2007, at 18:36:18
In reply to Re: Decided on flowers, posted by annierose on April 4, 2007, at 18:34:50
If you plug in the word "If" in the Amazon book browser, it does come up correctly.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 4, 2007, at 23:51:53
In reply to Re: Amazon's link is incorrect, posted by annierose on April 4, 2007, at 18:36:18
Not any more :-)
"If...("
I swear, I am obsessed with making these work.
One has to have a hobby, right?
;-)
Posted by annierose on April 5, 2007, at 6:09:11
In reply to Re: Amazon's link is incorrect » annierose, posted by 10derHeart on April 4, 2007, at 23:51:53
Posted by Dinah on April 6, 2007, at 10:32:50
In reply to Re: Thank you 10derheart! (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by annierose on April 5, 2007, at 6:09:11
Thanks everyone. I'll bookmark this thread. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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