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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2007, at 13:02:15
I cling to the familiar even if I recognize that letting go of where I am to step to something potentially better is what I need to do. I just can't let go of where I am.
This is true of so many aspects of my life.
I think my therapist colludes with me on this. He thinks I have a positive genius for picking situations and people that suit me and he seems to wish for me to trust whatever led me to any given situation to begin with. He has said that so many things in my life look on first glance to be not very healthy, but as he gets to understand them better he sees how they *fit* me.
While I think that maybe what suits me might change over time, and my fear of letting go of what I admit did at one point suit me and did offer me sometimes unique advantages may be stunting any growth on my part, or any shifting priorities.
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2007, at 13:04:58
In reply to I'm soooo bad at change, posted by Dinah on March 4, 2007, at 13:02:15
Do I trust that he has a neutral detached perspective? Or is it possible for a therapist and client to grow to share fears and viewpoints?
Posted by Honore on March 4, 2007, at 22:42:10
In reply to Re: I'm soooo bad at change, posted by Dinah on March 4, 2007, at 13:04:58
It's possible. It might happen if that's where the repetition of early relationships (that need to be reworked in some way) takes you and the T. Or if it were an important stage or element in some transference enactment. -- I mean I'm not saying it is happening with you, only that it's possible that such a thing could happen. But it might be a fear you have, not a reality.
& everyone's bad at change. Don't blame yourself.
It's human nature. It's just hard not to think and feel the usual things, or move toward what's familiar and therefore comfortable and understood. Really, change against one's tendencies has to be one of the most unnatural and difficult things to accomplish. Otherwise people wouldn't need years of therapy and lots of struggle to do it.
I'd like to change too, but I can feel myself resisting and getting despondent every time I make progress. Despite myself, really.
Honore
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2007, at 18:06:07
In reply to Re: I'm soooo bad at change » Dinah, posted by Honore on March 4, 2007, at 22:42:10
I probably should just give up. What makes me think things should be better than this anyway? My great great great grandpa didn't expect better than the coal mines. He just made sure his kids didn't have to be coal miners. My grandpa didn't worry about being happy as he scrambled to put food on his family's plates. He just made sure that his kids got a proper education. Maybe my whole purpose in being here is just to make sure that my son can do something with his life that he enjoys and can make a living at.
My father spent most of his adult life in misery. Why should I be any different? Life just is. You trudge on through it.
Posted by Honore on March 5, 2007, at 21:03:10
In reply to Re: I'm soooo bad at change » Honore, posted by Dinah on March 5, 2007, at 18:06:07
and it's possible. Very possible.
You don't know exactly what motivated your great grandfather, or your father-- what their hopes and dreams were.
Maybe fufillment, as they pictured it, was having a family who did better. Maybe they had unsatisfied aspirations--or did certain things that were more meaning-inducing than work in a mine. Be a member of an organization, have an avocation or another type of renewal.
Why should you denigrate your aspirations because (maybe) they didn't have them?
Or deny yourself what you can have because they couldn't have it?
You absolutely Should Not Give Up. No way.
You're discouraged, you feel as if you're not making it-- and you taking it out on yourself. Or you're running away from changes that are threatening, because you feel as if you'll lose things, and don't know if you can find what you're hoping for on the other side of change.
Much as I identify with and act that way myself-- and have said things like that in the past (and say other, equally unhelpful-to-myself things in the present), I truly don't believe you have to settle for that.
You can change, it's just hard. I'm not giving up, and I don't want you to either.
Honore
Posted by Fallsfall on March 6, 2007, at 9:13:03
In reply to Re: I'm soooo bad at change » Honore, posted by Dinah on March 5, 2007, at 18:06:07
Heavens, Dinah!!! Read what you wrote!
What would you tell your son if he said that???
Nope. You can't give up. I won't let you.
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2007, at 13:18:45
In reply to Re: I'm soooo bad at change » Dinah, posted by Fallsfall on March 6, 2007, at 9:13:03
I'm not feeling very hopeful at the moment. I'm getting more work done, but it takes such a very long time. I don't see much possibility of keeping this up in my current condition. Yet I see no alternative.
My husband and I aren't getting along great, because of the hours I'm working and the stress is making me less than cheery. We aren't fighting, but... I feel I need to tend to that.
I'm just not feeling very hopeful.
My son has his whole life ahead of him. But my future is determined by my past choices.
Posted by Fallsfall on March 7, 2007, at 9:21:55
In reply to Re: I'm soooo bad at change » Fallsfall, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2007, at 13:18:45
You have future choices, too, my dear.
You have more options than you think you do.
I hope that you will consider some of them.
This is the end of the thread.
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