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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 10:48:36
I've been getting lots of work done, and the people in my life who know that are pleased with me, although there is so much work to do that lots of people are still mad at me.
But I don't feel at all well. Occasionally there are days that I can't wake up all day, and mostly I'm really wired. I don't feel like myself. I feel so empty. I think my ears might be ringing or something, because there's a constant low level stimulation. I guess it's because I'm in work mode.
But at my last session, I just went blank. It felt like no one was at home. I was frustrating my therapist and myself, and I think I totally wasted my money. All I said was "I don't know" and "I don't feel real". He didn't like that latter one, I think, because he kept telling me I was talking to him, so I must be real. I still feel that way. It's like the house is empty. He can knock on the door but no one's there. It seems totally lacking in value to continue to see him until I'm feeling more myself.
I think I may be trying to shut him out, because I doubt I'll be able to even say this much tomorrow. I think my mind will go completely blank again. Or I'm afraid it will.
But I'm getting lots of work done. At least I think I am. Going to therapy just takes time away from work.
Posted by muffled on February 26, 2007, at 12:11:16
In reply to Not feeling very well, posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 10:48:36
Dinah,
sorry you shut down right now.
Mebbe there's something going on that you don't want to admit to?
Maybe a therapy break would be just the thing. Spend the money you save on something!
Seriously, I have found having a break in therapy can be VERY useful. But for me, I got to stick to it, not go back early, MAKE myself wait the whole eg. 2 wks.
Then mebbe you will be ready to work again.
I have had sessions like you have had, and they ARE a total waste of money. When I am like that, my T cannot bring me back, so there's just no point.
Sorry its so hard Dinah, but at least it wil;l feel good to be more caught up in your work. Speaking of which I better got MY work done!
See ya, hope this eases soon.
Posted by scratchpad on February 26, 2007, at 12:49:34
In reply to Not feeling very well, posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 10:48:36
I'm sorry you're feeling punky, Dinah. Work may be benefiting from your current state of mind, but is that what is really important? Practically, most definitely; but are you being kind to yourself? Or might there be fallout from working as hard as you are right now?
Concerned for you,
Scratchpad
Posted by DisTraught on February 26, 2007, at 15:53:08
In reply to Not feeling very well, posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 10:48:36
Maybe your mind is working on something that you're resisting. Or maybe you just have too much to do workwise. Or, what if there's nothing bugging you?
Why is it we want to make a problem of not having a problem?:)Penny
Posted by Daisym on February 26, 2007, at 17:11:55
In reply to Re: Not feeling very well, posted by DisTraught on February 26, 2007, at 15:53:08
What you wrote is a pretty classic description of dissociation. It is that out-of-body feeling that makes everything far away and disconnected. I feel like this when the stress is just too much, for too long and I have to go numb or go crazy. Given how hard you've been working and at the pace you've set for yourself, it makes sense that you'd be outwardly focused and not in touch with yourself.
Sometimes it helps me to cry. Doesn't matter really what about, just the release of emotions makes me feel more grounded.
I always feel like skipping therapy when I feel like this but eventually we find something to talk about and it helps. So hang in there, you'll figure it out.
(how's your health?)
Posted by annierose on February 26, 2007, at 17:16:45
In reply to Not feeling very well, posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 10:48:36
Hi Dinah -
It sounds like you are overwhelmed with work. Once you give attention to something, you give your full attention. So you are using up all your "reserves" to focus on being more productive at work and that may leave you feeling empty for other activities. Almost sounds as if you are operating on "auto-pilot" --- that empty feeling.
Sometimes it's better to feel empty than feel the alternative, although I'm not suggesting that is how you are feeling, just that it's possible.
Keep talking with your t. He is real, he is listening and he will respond. The regular Dinah will come back.
Sometimes, a giant hug from my son will help fill that empty feeling. They're the best hugs. Or maybe playing with your dogs. They like giving lots of kisses --- those wet sloppy ones.
I'm sorry you feel so yucky.
Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 19:52:33
In reply to Not feeling very well, posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 10:48:36
Thank you, everyone.
I really do think it's anxiety, maybe mixed with the trouble I've had sleeping lately (although that's due to anxiety too). I'm astonishing myself by going from talking coherently on the phone to being unable to order lunch because I can't remember the name of everyday condiments. Or from working diligently to staring at something written as if I were looking at random markings with no meaning at all. I almost feel like I'm not the same person from moment to moment.
Maybe if I can just grab hold of this in my head, I can manage to communicate to him tomorrow and say something useful. I just hate going blank.
If I can't, maybe it would be best to decrease the frequency of sessions for a while.
Annierose, you're right about my (sometimes at least) throwing myself completely into what I'm doing. At least this "enthusiasm" is for work, instead of spending.
I can't ever remember it feeling quite like this though. But of course, I wouldn't. I probably won't remember right now in a few weeks.
This is the end of the thread.
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