Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 10:48:36
I've been getting lots of work done, and the people in my life who know that are pleased with me, although there is so much work to do that lots of people are still mad at me.
But I don't feel at all well. Occasionally there are days that I can't wake up all day, and mostly I'm really wired. I don't feel like myself. I feel so empty. I think my ears might be ringing or something, because there's a constant low level stimulation. I guess it's because I'm in work mode.
But at my last session, I just went blank. It felt like no one was at home. I was frustrating my therapist and myself, and I think I totally wasted my money. All I said was "I don't know" and "I don't feel real". He didn't like that latter one, I think, because he kept telling me I was talking to him, so I must be real. I still feel that way. It's like the house is empty. He can knock on the door but no one's there. It seems totally lacking in value to continue to see him until I'm feeling more myself.
I think I may be trying to shut him out, because I doubt I'll be able to even say this much tomorrow. I think my mind will go completely blank again. Or I'm afraid it will.
But I'm getting lots of work done. At least I think I am. Going to therapy just takes time away from work.
poster:Dinah
thread:736401
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/736401.html