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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by iNFAMOUS RiCK on February 13, 2007, at 17:18:26
So, my parents left for work and things got kind of heavy at home and I decided to call a suicide hotline for the first time. I went to a website that told me that someone would be on the line to talk me through things and tell me what to do in the future.
I called up an 800 number which directed me to a local hotline, and I explained that I was feeling like a burden on everyone I came in contact with and that I wanted to off myself. To which he asked if I had insurance, and I replied that I was a minor and under my parent's insurance. He told me that I needed to talk to someone in therapy, and the conversation was over.
Which basically reinforced my feelings that I -AM- a burden on everyone I come in contact with and that I may as well just die. Even a guy running a suicide hotline didn't want to talk to me! It was just a bad experience. I was so enraged after the conversation ended that I tried smashing my mirror with a hammer (I couldn't find a hammer, though, probably a good thing)
The thing is, I can't decide whether or not I'm being selfish or not. Probably, my call wasn't as important as other calls to that hotline. Or maybe I'm justified in my emotions. I don't know. It's confusing.
P.S. I don't know if I used the term "trigger" right in the subject line. "Trigger" is a word to use when the post may potentially trigger someone to do bad things? Sorry, I'm a newb.
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2007, at 17:46:43
In reply to Suicide Hotline (trigger), posted by iNFAMOUS RiCK on February 13, 2007, at 17:18:26
I've heard awful things about hotlines lately. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. Somebody needs to start overseeing those things.
Posted by wishingstar on February 13, 2007, at 17:53:37
In reply to Suicide Hotline (trigger), posted by iNFAMOUS RiCK on February 13, 2007, at 17:18:26
It's definitely not your fault. Your concern and reason for calling was perfectly valid.
I've found that its really just luck of the draw when you call those lines. I've called maybe 3-4 times and gotten a few people who were really bad (lectures, etc) and a few who were pretty helpful and supportive. Please dont feel like this is your fault... its absolutely not. The training for these crisis lines is often minimal and sometimes they just dont know what theyre doing, in my opinion.
I hope youll try again if you ever feel like you need to. Chances are you'd get someone better the next time. Theres no such thing as an invalid reason for feeling bad.. if its how you feel, then its valid and you deserve to have them listen to you. After all, thats their job.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 13, 2007, at 20:33:25
In reply to Re: Suicide Hotline (trigger), posted by wishingstar on February 13, 2007, at 17:53:37
hi Rick,
Welcome :) I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. I've never called one of those, but one time I asked my therapist (T) about it. He said, "well, I guess you can try calling but wouldn't it be better if you found a way to feel safe? Why couldn't you call your husband?"So, maybe it's a good idea to keep a crisis emergency kit ready with nice things to distract yourself when you start to feel those dark feelings. You are NOT a burden, and there are probably people who would really be sad if you hurt yourself. Even complete strangers, for example, like the average person you're likely to run into on psycho-babble would feel sad if someone hurt himself because he was feeling low.
I hope you're feeling a little better? Maybe try throwing eggs instead of smashing mirrors. If your mom says "What happened to all the eggs?" Tell her you were feeling very self-destructive but decided to take it out on eggs in the shower instead. Then ask her if it might be a good thing to talk to a therapist.
best,
Ll
Posted by iNFAMOUS RiCK on February 14, 2007, at 0:28:45
In reply to Re: Suicide Hotline (trigger), posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 13, 2007, at 20:33:25
I felt sort of like I had no one else to turn to. My friends don't see things from my perspective and my parents sort of make things worse. That's why I called the line in the first place. I used to talk to my boyfriend when things turned sour, but that's sort of a bust right now..
The eggs idea is actually pretty good. When I was little, my cousin and I would take bars of soap and carve people's names into them, then throw them against the exterior walls of our apartment. Taking frustrations out on eggs sounds like a good idea, but I'd probably just feel remorseful that I wasted eggs and my shower would get messier. I looked in the mirror doing my hair today and saw the scuffmarks from when I was beating it with a folding chair and thought, "Damn."
Anyway, I get to see my therapist tomorrow. She can probably provide some good insight into this situation. Thanks all for talking :D
Posted by iNFAMOUS RiCK on February 14, 2007, at 11:16:13
In reply to Re: Suicide Hotline (trigger), posted by iNFAMOUS RiCK on February 14, 2007, at 0:28:45
Saw my T, who was very concerned about my suicidal thoughts and the fact that I'm alone a good portion of the week. There was talk of committing me to a hospital, which scared the sh*t out of me to be honest.
Posted by Reggie BoStar on February 19, 2007, at 23:37:36
In reply to Update, posted by iNFAMOUS RiCK on February 14, 2007, at 11:16:13
Hi,
Did they say whether you would be in a behavioral health ward or a private room?I was in one of those wards several times for alcohol detox. They put us in the same lockdown ward as the folks with behavioral problems, such as potential suicides.
This particular ward wasn't bad at all. There were no crazy things going on, no violence, no forced treatment of any kind, no really gross extremes like padded rooms, strait jackets, anything like that.
Psychotic cases like that last one usually go to a state institution, not a hospital. Besides, you aren't psychotic. You're severely depressed and you have suicidal thoughts. That's serious but not psychotic.
Seriously, they do good work in those wards. There's always some kidn of informal group activity with small numbers of people in comfortable settings. Those are mostly educational. Also, you see a case manager, social worker, or counselor every day, and a psychiatrist usually as often.
They also provide safe medication, assuming you need any. Nothing that goes overboard, like heavy duty tranks or anything like that. They want to comfortable but awake and alert so you can get the benefits of the therapy groups and counselor meetings. The psychiatrist is the one who manages your meds depending on what he thingks you need. Who knows whether or not you'll even get any.
The food where I went wasn't too bad either. They provide menus for the following day. You check off what you want. I was never in the mood for the heavy duty stuff, so I used to get chef's salads with lean meats, fruit, yogurt, etc.
They should have told you what the stay in the hospital would be like. If they didn't, you might want to ask them. Even if you don't go, it will put your mind at rest and make you comfortable if you ever do need to go in later.
Then again, I should talk. I've got my own morose thread down below. Who knows, I could be back in the ward next month.
Best wishes,
Reggie BoStar
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