Posted by iNFAMOUS RiCK on February 13, 2007, at 17:18:26
So, my parents left for work and things got kind of heavy at home and I decided to call a suicide hotline for the first time. I went to a website that told me that someone would be on the line to talk me through things and tell me what to do in the future.
I called up an 800 number which directed me to a local hotline, and I explained that I was feeling like a burden on everyone I came in contact with and that I wanted to off myself. To which he asked if I had insurance, and I replied that I was a minor and under my parent's insurance. He told me that I needed to talk to someone in therapy, and the conversation was over.
Which basically reinforced my feelings that I -AM- a burden on everyone I come in contact with and that I may as well just die. Even a guy running a suicide hotline didn't want to talk to me! It was just a bad experience. I was so enraged after the conversation ended that I tried smashing my mirror with a hammer (I couldn't find a hammer, though, probably a good thing)
The thing is, I can't decide whether or not I'm being selfish or not. Probably, my call wasn't as important as other calls to that hotline. Or maybe I'm justified in my emotions. I don't know. It's confusing.
P.S. I don't know if I used the term "trigger" right in the subject line. "Trigger" is a word to use when the post may potentially trigger someone to do bad things? Sorry, I'm a newb.
poster:iNFAMOUS RiCK
thread:732478
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/732478.html