Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 719703

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does anyone else cut? (possible trigger)

Posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 19:58:28

I findmyself cutting myself more and more when i am depressed or am angry at myself or someone else who has disapointed me. i find myself cutting myself in hopes that my T will see it andnow how deeply hurt and messed up I am, since i am too chicken to her.

am i alone?

 

Re: does anyone else cut? (possible trigger) » youngaddict

Posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 21:46:43

In reply to does anyone else cut? (possible trigger), posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 19:58:28

I don't, but I know there are quite a few people here who do cut sometimes. And I know a few people in real life who do sometimes. I'm sorry you feel so depressed and anxious. Try to bring it up with your T. Unfortunately they aren't all supportive, but many are, and they all can try to help you, I think.

sunnydays

 

Re: does anyone else cut? (possible trigger)

Posted by wishingstar on January 5, 2007, at 21:53:49

In reply to does anyone else cut? (possible trigger), posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 19:58:28

Dear youngaddict,

Are you me? Are we the same person? I want to add a smiley there, but I suppose it isnt quite appropriate given the similarities I'm talking about...

But yes, I do. I had a very serious problem with it several years ago and only cut rarely now.. in small spurts when things get bad. I find it doesnt work for me like it used to. But I sometimes do feel like PART of the reason I have done it is to express what I cant say in words in therapy. I generally dont bring it up though so it isnt discussed, but I guess it helps me validate my own pain in some weird way. I have only slipped a few times in the past year and it's not a big issue for me right now, but I am definitely someone who can relate.

Does your T know you cut? What is her take on it?

 

Re: does anyone else cut? (possible trigger)

Posted by Phillipa on January 5, 2007, at 22:30:56

In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? (possible trigger), posted by wishingstar on January 5, 2007, at 21:53:49

Please be careful as when I was a teen I cut my thigh too deeply and needed butterflies to hold it together I had been drinking and didn't know how hard I'd cut. My Mother was sick and I never got attention this was the only way I knew except banging my knuckles on the floor til they swelled. Love Phillipa I understand

 

Re: does anyone else cut? (possible trigger)

Posted by cubic_me on January 6, 2007, at 7:29:15

In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? (possible trigger), posted by Phillipa on January 5, 2007, at 22:30:56

I'm similar to wishingstar in that I used to cut more than I do now. Although the urge to do it is there a lot.

I found it extremely difficult to bring up with my Therapist to start with, but it wasn't a big deal to her and it only came up a few times afterwards, although I'm sure I could have talked more about it if I'd wanted to. It is a tricky thing to bring up, but I think it makes it easier if you make it in context with what is going on with you - eg 'X happened and I felt Y and it led to Z'. Although different things work for different people.

The more you talk about it, the easier it becomes, and I found learning to express my feelings verbally (rather than to myself through cutting) drastically reduced the amount I cut. It was gradual, but worth it.

Please try to keep safe when you cut, I personally think that's the best thing you can do while you work out a different way of coping or no longer feel the things that lead you to cut.

 

Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger » youngaddict

Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2007, at 10:14:31

In reply to does anyone else cut? (possible trigger), posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 19:58:28

I almost never do it any more, since I promised my therapist I wouldn't. Unlike my promise to him not to kill myself without giving him a chance to help me, which was a gift to him, this one was more an accidental promise given when I had done a bit more damage than I intended and scared myself.

But he's made it easier for me by taking me seriously when I say I'm upset. Sometimes my hurting myself was a communication when I thought no one understood how badly I was feeling. Sometimes it just resulted from when the anxiety or agitation got too strong and my whole body felt like an electrical field.

If you can raise the courage to tell your therapist how bad you feel, and to ask her to take you seriously, and explain that sometimes you feel you have no other way to communicate that, it may be as helpful to you as it was to me.

 

Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger

Posted by youngaddict on January 6, 2007, at 11:14:42

In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger » youngaddict, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2007, at 10:14:31

> I almost never do it any more, since I promised my therapist I wouldn't. Unlike my promise to him not to kill myself without giving him a chance to help me, which was a gift to him, this one was more an accidental promise given when I had done a bit more damage than I intended and scared myself.

***I STARTED IN COLLEGE FOR A SEMESTER AND THEN I STOPPED. I JUST STARTED AGAIN DURING THE SUMMER.BOTH TIMES IT HAPPENED WHEN IW AS IN THERAPY. NOW, I DIDN'T FEEL A BOND WITH MY OLD THERAPIST (IN COLLEGE) BUT I THINK THAT BEING IN THERAPY BRINGS UP UNPLEASANT THINGS THAT I AUTOMATICALLY BLOCK AND WHEN I LEAVE I LEAVE FEELING UPSET ANDF I AUTIMATICALLY CUT MYSELF. AS SOON AS I GET TO THE CAR I START RAKING MY WRISTS WITH MY KEYS AND THEN I GET HOME AND TAKE OUT SCISSORS, ITS VERY METIULOUSLY PLANNED AT HOME. I TAKE OUT RUBBING ALOCHOL, NEOSPORIN, AND THEN I DO IT. ITS SICK. I WANT TO STOP BUT I LIKE IT.
>
> But he's made it easier for me by taking me seriously when I say I'm upset. Sometimes my hurting myself was a communication when I thought no one understood how badly I was feeling. Sometimes it just resulted from when the anxiety or agitation got too strong and my whole body felt like an electrical field.

***TOTALLY. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS VERY NICELY. WHOLE BODY FEELING LIKE AN ELECTRICAL FIELD. A NAME FOR THIS FEELING I HAVE!
>
> If you can raise the courage to tell your therapist how bad you feel, and to ask her to take you seriously, and explain that sometimes you feel you have no other way to communicate that, it may be as helpful to you as it was to me.

**I'M AFRIAD SHE WILL JUDGE ME ,LOOK DOWN ON ME, THINK I AM TRYING TO DO IT FOR ATTENTION. ITS SUCH A "TEENAGE" "EMO" THING TO DO. YOU KNOW?

BUT I DO LIKE THE SCARS IT LEAVES, AND DON'T WORRY PEOPLE, I DON'T CUT DEEP, JUST SURFACE CUTS THAT BLEED A LITTLE. AND THEN I LOVE WHEN I CATCH A GLIMSPE OF MY ARM AND I SEE THE SCARS HEALING. ITS CATHARTIC.

THANKS ALL

 

Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger » youngaddict

Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on January 6, 2007, at 19:57:33

In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 6, 2007, at 11:14:42

nah,
its not just a teenage thing.
i think a lot of us have hard times putting things into words.

my t has been pretty good about helping me understand my own self injury triggers. sometimes its just a habit, triggered by a situation. (like being in a combative phone call will make me) and sometimes its a cry for attention, but damned if Ill let anyone see it. yes. the scars are kind of cool when you feel bad. but when you feel good, then the scars are an unpleasant reminder that you own your past and your body. sometimes the injuries are just a way to find a way through the numb cloud that i create when I dissociate due to general anxiety. or a way to pass the time. so many reasons. so many things to discuss.

you will give your therapist a real chance to understand you better if you tell about the times when you do this. the feelings you have (or dont have?) before, during, after. you may learn something about yourself too. its a coping mechanism for many.

for me, its not a mechanism that i can sustain forever. i have made pledges on pbabble not to do my thing. and since making those pledges and having a few good days or weeks or whatever, I find myself back in the thick of it. and so i feel disgusted at myself for doing it, and WORSE! that i cannot confess my sins, because i have so often declared myself better. well. i lied. cr*ppers.

there are alternatives. ice cubes. rubber band snaps. dental flossing. wearing gloves. getting better. benzodiazepines help me sometimes. the best way for me to stop is for me to go to bed.

so, in the spirit of following my own lame and unsolicited advice, good night to you all. still in the wrong freaking time zone. ! I wanna go home now. vacation should be OVER!

a bientot,
Ll

 

Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger » youngaddict

Posted by muffled on January 7, 2007, at 21:53:11

In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 6, 2007, at 11:14:42

> BUT I THINK THAT BEING IN THERAPY BRINGS UP UNPLEASANT THINGS THAT I AUTOMATICALLY BLOCK AND WHEN I LEAVE I LEAVE FEELING UPSET ANDF I AUTIMATICALLY CUT MYSELF. I WANT TO STOP BUT I LIKE IT.

*yeah,therapy brings up stuff. The therapy realtionship itself is 'stuff'. Sigh.
Yeah, cutting satisfys something in us, that why we do it. Thats where we goto find other ways if possible.

>TOTALLY. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS VERY NICELY. WHOLE BODY FEELING LIKE AN ELECTRICAL FIELD. A NAME FOR THIS FEELING I HAVE!

*I feel like I gonna explode and cutting is like a releife valve, a poor one perhaps, but at the time I knda desprate.

> I'M AFRIAD SHE WILL JUDGE ME ,LOOK DOWN ON ME, THINK I AM TRYING TO DO IT FOR ATTENTION. ITS SUCH A "TEENAGE" "EMO" THING TO DO. YOU KNOW?

**LOL! I am 44 ! Guess its not a teenage thing after all...
>
> BUT I DO LIKE THE SCARS IT LEAVES, AND DON'T WORRY PEOPLE, I DON'T CUT DEEP, JUST SURFACE CUTS THAT BLEED A LITTLE. AND THEN I LOVE WHEN I CATCH A GLIMSPE OF MY ARM AND I SEE THE SCARS HEALING. ITS CATHARTIC.

**Yes my scars used to make me feel strong and tough. I used to never waer dressings on stiches so all could see how tough i was.(at home I hid them carefully)

So I cut rarely these days, this is quite recent. Which isn't to say I don't think of it, I just somehow don't do it. I guess all the stuff my T been teaching me is sinking in.....
My T hates that I cut, but she is accepting that it is a coping mechanism that I have, and until I had found other ways to cope, she accepted it. (better than the alternative ways of coping I had-which incl dangerous behaviors)
She knows that I am pretty careful, but if I have written that I did a bad one then she will ask if its doing OK.
So she don't condone it, but she don't beat me up over it either, and that way I not afraid to talk bout it. I have had a talk or two w/her bout it.
Hope it goes ok for you.
Muffled
P.S. When you older the scars are WAY worse :-(
They bad :-(
Part of me still likes all the nasty scars cuz of the tough thing, but most of me is ashamed :(

 

Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger

Posted by inimitable on January 9, 2007, at 16:25:09

In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 6, 2007, at 11:14:42

i used to cut too. i found that when i left my negative home environment (i was kicked out) that i pretty much stopped cutting, except for a few random times. i did cut this past november, but hardly left a mark...and i found i was dissapointed that i couldn't cut myself like i used to...but i mainly did it because my home environment was very stiffling. i was never allowed to speak about my feelings, or if i did, i was ignored or told that they were wrong. cutting was the only way to get my feelings out. it was a great release, and as you do young addict, mine was very methodical too, i got out all my supplies and set up beforehand...anyways, i don't really do it anymore, i quit almost pretty much on my own, but i told my T about it right up front, that i did have a problem with that in the past, and even though i don't do it anymore, it might happen...i think if you can't tell your therapist the things you are struggling with, what's the point of having one? that is what they are there for, getting paid for, or wanting to help you with. now, even though i didn't connect with all my T's as i ahve my most recent T, the other T's i dealt with weer very open to talking about the cutting, if i felt i needed to. so if it's on your mind, you should bring it up :)
good luck.

*inimitable

 

Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger

Posted by rubenstein on January 9, 2007, at 17:18:36

In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger, posted by inimitable on January 9, 2007, at 16:25:09

My cutting has been out of hand lately, its hard and it seems to get worse each time. I talk to my T about it but sometimes the stress is so great that I just don't know what to do. Talk to your T though, it has prevented me from cutting in the past and I think by continuing our conversations we can hopefully get my problem under control. Hugs...it is so hard
rubenstein

 

Re: does anyone else cut? (possible trigger) » youngaddict

Posted by B2chica on January 10, 2007, at 11:46:34

In reply to does anyone else cut? (possible trigger), posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 19:58:28

definately not alone here.
i cut when i was teen, stopped when about 20 then started again when i was 30. cuts started to get pretty severe and i got in danger zone. had a Great T so i could tell him. i learned all the "alternative" coping strategies, (as i think muffled mentioned) ice, rubber band, red marker, journaling, drawing etc. i think the only one that really worked for me was painting on my arms. i could leave it on there for a few days too.
i haven't cut for just over a year. but i think that has a lot to do with my work in therapy and my pregnancy (most depression gone-and the thought that i could be hurting my baby), very helpful.

just know that even though it is not a good coping skill, it is still a coping skill that you use and someday you will no longer need it. until then be safe, take care of your wounds. and if you feel you are in a good place with your T please mention it. talk about why you cut, how you feel before during and after you cut.
the fact that you hope your T sees them is good. you are seeking help, your just not quite ready to jump that last step. maybe try writing it down on paper first or hand her the writing instead of saying it.
either way, you will do what you need when you are ready. until then, you have us. please come here when needed.

best wishes
b2c.

 

Re: anyone else? [different trigger maybe]

Posted by finelinebob on January 10, 2007, at 23:37:52

In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? (possible trigger) » youngaddict, posted by B2chica on January 10, 2007, at 11:46:34

I don't cut. I don't know why men don't cut anywhere near as much as women, but there are other ways to hurt yourself. For me these days it's sleep deprivation. It's not so bad now as when I was still unemployable and deep inside a hole dug by two airplanes turned into bombs and the PTSD that came from being there -- those days I'd do 80-90 hours awake in a row. Now that I have a job, a really good job, again ... I'll still do 40-50 hours even in the middle of the week sometimes.

I don't know what a 'coping mechanism' is -- I don't know what that's supposed to mean. I *do* know that when the urge is upon me as it is right now, I know that I can replace one pain with another -- one that **I** cause, one **I** control in the place of something I feel helpless, defenseless against.

But that's the rub -- it's only perceived control. I'm not really in control when I give into it. If I wanted to exercise some control, I'd find some relief for the original pain rather than replace it with something I'm doing to myself right here right now.

Perceptions can be more real than reality at times, tho.

If this is "coping" ... well, I don't know what to say to that.

 

Re: anyone else? [different trigger maybe]

Posted by youngaddict on January 11, 2007, at 20:34:37

In reply to Re: anyone else? [different trigger maybe], posted by finelinebob on January 10, 2007, at 23:37:52

> I don't cut. I don't know why men don't cut anywhere near as much as women, but there are other ways to hurt yourself. For me these days it's sleep deprivation.

*** SORRY FOR THE CAPS, WANTED TO DISTINGUISH MINE FROM YOURS...I DON'T KNOW MEN DON'T CUT EITHER, BUT I THINK SLEEP DEPREVATION IS THE SAME KIND OF IDEA--PUNISHING YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE IT...THE ANGER INSIDE YOURSELF IS DIRECTED AT YOURSELF.. AM I MAKING SENSE? THATS WHY I CUT...

It's not so bad now as when I was still unemployable and deep inside a hole dug by two airplanes turned into bombs and the PTSD that came from being there -- those days I'd do 80-90 hours awake in a row.

***I'M REALLY SORRY YOUR SUFFERED PTSD FROM THIS.. IT WAS AN AWFUL TIME IN OUR COUNTRY AND I DEEPLY SYMPATHIZE.

Now that I have a job, a really good job, again ... I'll still do 40-50 hours even in the middle of the week sometimes.
>
> I don't know what a 'coping mechanism' is -- I don't know what that's supposed to mean. I *do* know that when the urge is upon me as it is right now, I know that I can replace one pain with another -- one that **I** cause, one **I** control in the place of something I feel helpless, defenseless against.
>
> But that's the rub -- it's only perceived control. I'm not really in control when I give into it. If I wanted to exercise some control, I'd find some relief for the original pain rather than replace it with something I'm doing to myself right here right now.
>
> Perceptions can be more real than reality at times, tho.
>
> If this is "coping" ... well, I don't know what to say to that.

THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE.. DO YOU HAVE A HARD TIME FALLING ASLEEP OR DO YOU FORCE YOURSELF TO FALL ASLEEP?

I AM SO TIRED ALL THE TIME BUT I WON'T GO TO SLEEP CAUSE I HAVE NIGHTMARES AND WHEN I WAKE UP ITS MORNING...

 

Re: does anyone else cut? (possible trigger)

Posted by iNFAMOUS RiCK on February 13, 2007, at 17:07:22

In reply to does anyone else cut? (possible trigger), posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 19:58:28

You're not alone - I used to cut. And I was really ashamed of telling people about it and I did it for years before telling anybody. I told my dad, who got me a therapist, and my therapist told my mom (who wasn't that surprised, but told me I had no reason to do it because my life was so easy. thanks, mom). Actually, I was on the verge of having one year cut-free, but cut myself yesterday. I had a lot of slip-ups anyway.

And I get what you're saying about the whole "teen emo" thing. That's why I was scared to tell people that I did it. But it doesn't really matter anymore.


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