Posted by youngaddict on January 11, 2007, at 20:34:37
In reply to Re: anyone else? [different trigger maybe], posted by finelinebob on January 10, 2007, at 23:37:52
> I don't cut. I don't know why men don't cut anywhere near as much as women, but there are other ways to hurt yourself. For me these days it's sleep deprivation.
*** SORRY FOR THE CAPS, WANTED TO DISTINGUISH MINE FROM YOURS...I DON'T KNOW MEN DON'T CUT EITHER, BUT I THINK SLEEP DEPREVATION IS THE SAME KIND OF IDEA--PUNISHING YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE IT...THE ANGER INSIDE YOURSELF IS DIRECTED AT YOURSELF.. AM I MAKING SENSE? THATS WHY I CUT...
It's not so bad now as when I was still unemployable and deep inside a hole dug by two airplanes turned into bombs and the PTSD that came from being there -- those days I'd do 80-90 hours awake in a row.
***I'M REALLY SORRY YOUR SUFFERED PTSD FROM THIS.. IT WAS AN AWFUL TIME IN OUR COUNTRY AND I DEEPLY SYMPATHIZE.
Now that I have a job, a really good job, again ... I'll still do 40-50 hours even in the middle of the week sometimes.
>
> I don't know what a 'coping mechanism' is -- I don't know what that's supposed to mean. I *do* know that when the urge is upon me as it is right now, I know that I can replace one pain with another -- one that **I** cause, one **I** control in the place of something I feel helpless, defenseless against.
>
> But that's the rub -- it's only perceived control. I'm not really in control when I give into it. If I wanted to exercise some control, I'd find some relief for the original pain rather than replace it with something I'm doing to myself right here right now.
>
> Perceptions can be more real than reality at times, tho.
>
> If this is "coping" ... well, I don't know what to say to that.THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE.. DO YOU HAVE A HARD TIME FALLING ASLEEP OR DO YOU FORCE YOURSELF TO FALL ASLEEP?
I AM SO TIRED ALL THE TIME BUT I WON'T GO TO SLEEP CAUSE I HAVE NIGHTMARES AND WHEN I WAKE UP ITS MORNING...
poster:youngaddict
thread:719703
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/721492.html