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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 0:44:36
Sounds like a commercial or something, can't remmeber what though...
I just wanto laugh at everything.
Everything is a joke.
All is funny.
I'm crazy, and that hilarious.
Guess if I end up in the bin, I'll be running around laughing as I bleed.
I dunno whats going on.
My Bl inside kid says she dying. But I so scared to let her out. But I REALLY think she may be dying this time, it feels so bad. I feel partly dead inside. I don't want her to die, but I don't want to feel her feelings either.
I think I starting to panic a bit, cuz I think she gonna die and I'll never get her back, and she got lotsa joy too. I need her to be whole.
And now I can't feel her. I can't seem to feel much of anything but sad.
And my Toughie, who is ALWAYS so cocky, and acts so brave.
Is NOT cocky. Not at all. NEVER has Toughie been this way that I know. Toughie seems to be just crushed, and I don't know why.
Sh*t, sh*t , sh*t.
And I got commitments this weekend and its gonna be hard to be normal....
And my T is dead to me on weekends.
I am ALONE in my insanity.
Does ANYONE understand whats going on?
Cuz I don't.
:-(
Posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 0:47:53
In reply to Is she just f'd up, or is it seroquel, posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 0:44:36
Muffy feels like she not muffy and muffy is scared.
Where did she go?
This muffy is no good.
:-(
Posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 0:48:51
In reply to Is she just f'd up, or is it seroquel, posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 0:44:36
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 3, 2006, at 7:18:16
In reply to So what is muffy to do? (nm), posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 0:48:51
I don't have any magic words for you, Muffly. I wish I did. I'm sorry it's so hard right now. I'll be thinking about you this weekend. Keep writing.
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2006, at 9:10:40
In reply to Is she just f'd up, or is it seroquel, posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 0:44:36
It could possibly be seroquel, but if it is, in my experience it passes. (My experience was with Risperdal but it's a similar drug.) Your mind needs to get adjusted to the new mix of chemicals that is swimming around in it.
Even if it doesn't passes, at some point you can adjust your meds if you're not finding them helpful.
Can you call your therapist and pdoc today to prepare for the weekend?
Posted by SatinDoll on November 3, 2006, at 10:14:50
In reply to Is she just f'd up, or is it seroquel, posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 0:44:36
I don't have much energy to say anything but I just wanted to give you a hug if it is okay.
(((((muffy))))
Posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 15:31:05
In reply to (((((muffy)))))), posted by SatinDoll on November 3, 2006, at 10:14:50
Thanks for thinking of me :-) TherapyGirl. It helps.
Thanks for your post too SatinDoll. I know it must have been an effort and appreciate you doing that.
Dinah, thanks for the reassurance. I dunno if I can call my T or not. Not so good at being weak or asking for stuff.....
I dunno what I'd say. I'm such a weirdo. I did send her a fax that she will get Mon or Tues. It was a weird fax, bout one of my inside kids that i think is giving up and is gonna die. And she very important.
Its all so ridiculous, this inside 'people' stuff. I know it.
But its also SO real. I look back at stuff. I can't refute it.
So I GOTO deal with it.
Cuz if this kid dies, she gone forever, an important piece of me will be gone forever, and I will never be the same again.
Posted by Poet on November 3, 2006, at 16:32:02
In reply to You guys..., posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 15:31:05
Hi Muffy,
I hate calling my T, too. I hope yours calls you when she gets the fax. I don't know if what you're feeling is Seroquel or not. You might want to go in to see your pdoc about the dose you're on. I know that's calling for an appointment...which reminds me I need to email Dr. Clueless for an appointment. One of her good things is no phone call necessary for appointments.
Hope all parts of you feel better long before Monday.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2006, at 18:05:22
In reply to You guys..., posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 15:31:05
Muffled, I think you ought to call your pdoc because this isn't silly, it's important.
It's my experience that the Seroquel might make her feel weaker, or farther away. And she might feel like she's dying. But as you get used to the Seroquel, she might be able to make herself heard again. But that's my experience, and yours may well differ.
I'd definitely call my therapist or pdoc. I do hope they understand. Do they understand?
My pdoc would have never understood in a million years, but my therapist would. Would yours?
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 4, 2006, at 22:54:07
In reply to Re: You guys... » muffled, posted by Dinah on November 3, 2006, at 18:05:22
> Muffled, I think you ought to call your pdoc because this isn't silly, it's important.
>
> It's my experience that the Seroquel might make her feel weaker, or farther away. And she might feel like she's dying. But as you get used to the Seroquel, she might be able to make herself heard again. But that's my experience, and yours may well differ.
>
> I'd definitely call my therapist or pdoc. I do hope they understand. Do they understand?
>
> My pdoc would have never understood in a million years, but my therapist would. Would yours?Muffled-- ((((((((Muffled))))))))
That's exactly what the seroquel did to me. It muffled everything. All the little thoughts that were swirling swirly swirly... just kind of like "lights out" but I was still awake! No stream of consciousness. just me looking around, waiting impatiently for the inner commentary to begin.
You'll get used to it. They're not gone. They're on vacation to a remote undisclosed location- no internet access or phone line. But, they'll be in touch. Don't worry at all.
Toughie's crushed because for the first time, she feels like no one's listening.
And the other ones- so distant that they may feel "dead" but they aren't.
hang in there. I felt better after about 3-7 days at 300mg. I talked to my T about it. She said it's common for these things to come and go, depending on what's going on in our life. Maybe your kids saw the upcoming weekend and decided it was time to pack up and get away.
Please call your pdoc/T if you feel really out of sorts. This feeling can be really freaky at first, and maybe they can talk to you and convince you that you are not crazy (you're not.)
In the meanwhile, keep in touch with your loved ones. Keep them near. Even if you feel disconnected from your self and your surroundings, they'll help keep you tethered.
Amazingly, I found that I *COULD* make good decisions and communicate with others, even when the little voices in my head are muffled. You've got to have faith in yourself. I have faith in you :)
(((((((((Muffled and the inner kids too)))))))))
Posted by muffled on November 6, 2006, at 12:13:20
In reply to You guys..., posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 15:31:05
I stopped the seroquel. I just was feeling too weird.
Mebbe I'll do zoloft, cuz I do think mebbe I just plain depressed now.
I dunno WHAT to think or say or do.
I did lv. a voice mail that didn't say much on my t's cell. She did phone back and say she would be thinking of me.
She'll come to her office and get mt nutty fax today or tomorrow.
Faxes are great, cuz it is absolutely the ONLY way I'd ever get up the nerve to say stuff.
Like the fax she will get today/tomorrow. I DON'T want to deal with it, I feel SO stupid. But she will get it and so she will say,'lets go over the fax you sent', Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
Sigh.
I let my inside kid say on the fax that she liked my T. She even wrote the whole name, I usu. just use an initial.
Then I let the kid have a little water in my eyes. But then, despite myself, I panicked and quashed it...
Sigh.
Thanks for your replys guys.
I feel like such a complete moron.
Its really hard to not have memories to look back at.
Makes everything SO confusing. :-(
At least I guess you guys don't make me feel leperous. Though I guess you safe cuz leperousy can't spread on computer...
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2006, at 17:30:44
In reply to Is she just f'd up, or is it seroquel, posted by muffled on November 3, 2006, at 0:44:36
I decided today to decrease the lamictal down to what I was taking before, because I'm finding it very difficult to bring my emotional self to my therapy appointments. It feels weaker, and while it may be (gasp!) growth or maturity, I'm going to hope it's the lamictal.
Posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 18:01:53
In reply to Muffled?, posted by Dinah on November 10, 2006, at 17:30:44
What feels weaker?
Yes , I agree its good to bring the emotional self to therapy. I'll have to try that myself some time.....
Why do you hope its the lamictal?
I myself am on nothing presently.
I'm confused enough w/o wondering if its the drugs doing stuff.
I'm doing mostly OK. Not dangerous. Just uncomfortable, but then i'm used to that...
Hope your OK Dinah.
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2006, at 19:42:44
In reply to yes dear? » Dinah, posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 18:01:53
My emotional self feels weaker.
My therapist is walking a fine line in saying what he thinks.
But I'm sure of what I want. I want things to stay the way they are, regarding my emotional and rational selves.
I'm hoping the increased Lamictal is to blame, because dropping it will fix things. If it's not to blame, I will have to see what does work to make things better.
Posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 22:46:16
In reply to Re: yes dear? » muffled, posted by Dinah on November 10, 2006, at 19:42:44
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 10, 2006, at 23:02:14
In reply to Re: yes dear? » muffled, posted by Dinah on November 10, 2006, at 19:42:44
I think that when I increased seroquel from 25-300mg I felt emotionally unconnected with the world (myself, my family, therapy, etc) for at least 3 weeks. Has been getting better and better, though.
I know that for me, the seroquel makes me much more even-keeled, and it takes away the part of my consciousness that so quickly switches to horrible thoughts- takes away that voice of worry, doom, worst-case scenario, flashbacks.
Well, that was the basis of my emotional experience for a good month or more before increasing the seroquel (mood stabilizer, anti-mania, anti-bipolar-depressant, antipsychotic, antihistamine (yay!). So? who was I without these terrible feelings? How could I experience a happy feeling? What the hey-hey is going on upstairs?
Terrible to feel numb like that Dinah. I hope you can figure out an adjustment, or have faith and stick it out, like I did?
in the meanwhile, hugs, even if they're hard to "feel", they come from a well-wishing Li, with warm thoughts for you-
Li
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2006, at 9:07:41
In reply to Re: yes dear? » Dinah, posted by Lindenblüte on November 10, 2006, at 23:02:14
Thanks, Li. :)
I expected it from the AP, and it did in fact get better after a bit of time.
I didn't expect it from Lamictal, so maybe Lamictal isn't to blame. I'm on a miniscule dose, even with the raised dose. I cut back to what I was on before, and it sure makes a difference to my sleep, I'm not sure about anything else.
It's not so much that I feel numb, so much as that I don't feel so divided. I spent some time arguing if losing self awareness (I think, therefore I am.) is effectively death. My therapist brought up quantum physics and light being a particle and a wave, which pretty much ended the conversation. (Huh? Quantum physics is hard enough to grasp at all without trying to figure it out as a metaphor for something in my own life.)
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 11, 2006, at 9:27:29
In reply to Re: yes dear? » Lindenblüte, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2006, at 9:07:41
> It's not so much that I feel numb, so much as that I don't feel so divided. I spent some time arguing if losing self awareness (I think, therefore I am.) is effectively death.
WOW- this is exactly what I was struggling with. It's so hard, isn't it? If I can no longer sense my own homunculus commenting and talking to me as I go through my life, well, am I even living?
pdoc shrugs, says-- stick it out. seroquel is a good AD, yada yada yada.
T says, this is something that is going to happen from time to time, and you will have to remember that you are more than just the thoughts in your head.
...
Are you "feeling" today?
I felt hungry earlier.
Now I feel anxious, because I need to leave my house and go to work.But? I guess it's par for the course.
does half a Dinah and half a Lindenblossom = one whole psychobabbler?
;o)
Posted by Fallsfall on November 12, 2006, at 10:18:13
In reply to Re: yes dear? » Lindenblüte, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2006, at 9:07:41
Have you watched "What the Bleep do we know?"
It helped me with the quantum physics part. There are lots of levels in this movie. You can feel free to take some and leave the rest.
This is the end of the thread.
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