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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NthnBrazil on October 6, 2006, at 5:19:53
Greetings all -
I originally posted this message on the newbie board and got some thoughts, but was encouraged to post here as well:
Looking for some help with questions about therapy since I'm new to it. Just to give you some info about me, I decided to start seeing a therapist because of constant anxiety over everything. I have been a "worryer" for years and just kind of carried on, but in the last year its gotten intense. I worry over my job, my house, my family, just everything.
Anyway, it finally got to a point where I decided I needed to talk to someone and with my wife's encouragement I found a therapist locally and have seen him twice now. The first meeting was mostly answering a bunch of standard questions and talking a little about myself, which I expected.
But in the second session he just kind of asked an open ended question and let me ramble. I would speak for a while and then we would be silent for a long time, nodding(felt like at least 30 seconds). Eventually he would make some comment like "that sounds like its a problem for you". So , taking his lead I would pick up the conversation again for a couple of minutes, and at the next break more silence & nodding. By the end of the session the only thing I got from him of any substance was "it sounds like you have difficulty self-soothing", which of course, I agreed with.
So here is my question: Is this what its going to be like the whole time or is this just sort of a get-to-know-you period at the beginning while he figures out where I'm coming from? Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect to get "fixed" in the first session, I just want to know what I'm in for.
Originally I was interested in a CBT or REBT approach which I had researched a little online, but after interviewing with the practice (its a group practice that's part of a hospital, so they have therapists of all kinds available) they assigned me to someone who uses a "psychodynamics" method. I looked into that online as well and saw its more of the traditional psycho-therapy style I would have imagined before hearing about CBT or REBT. Now I don't know if I should push to follow my first instinct and switch to a different therapist, or acknowledge that I don't really know how it works and just go with this guy. If it stays the same throughout I feel like I'm going to start having anxiety over getting therapy for my anxiety. . .
Posted by annierose on October 6, 2006, at 6:27:10
In reply to Questions about therapy from a newbie, posted by NthnBrazil on October 6, 2006, at 5:19:53
I also see a psychodynamic therapist, and they tend to let the client lead the session, but my therapist does talk.
In several studies (and I don't recall the source) the technique of the therapist isn't as important as how well the client likes the therapist, or thinks the therapist is able to help him/her. So --- if I was you, I would go a few more times (maybe once or twice) and if I still didn't feel any sort of connection (in a general sense) I would try someone else. In essence you are shopping for a therapist, which can be very difficult and expensive, but better end up with someone that you like.
Getting back to your first question, yes, therapy is about you talking and the therapist helping you connect the dots or draw conclusions and helping you open up your emotional life and connect.
The things your therapist said sound like therapist-talk, almost a cliche. It could be because he/she doesn't know you very much. And it does take some time to build a rapport.
That's my two cents. Welcome to babble.
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2006, at 8:22:40
In reply to Questions about therapy from a newbie, posted by NthnBrazil on October 6, 2006, at 5:19:53
I agree with Annierose. This is the period that you should see this as dating, more or less, before making a commitment. There are lots of different sorts of therapists out there, and not all will be a good fit.
This is also a good chance to try out one of the goals of therapy with not a whole lot of risk. Asking for what you need. This would be a good time to say what it is you're looking for in therapy, and see what he says. Are you looking specifically for the sort of anxiety soothing techniques that CBT offers? Even more psychodynamically oriented therapists often offer to teach you these.
Or he might tell you that what you're looking for isn't what he offers. And at this point in the relationship, that'd be very beneficial. Sort of like a date informing you that she wants fourteen kids and to live in the wilds of Montana if you've always considered yourself an urban sort of person who wants no more than two kids. :)
Posted by madeline on October 6, 2006, at 8:53:20
In reply to Questions about therapy from a newbie, posted by NthnBrazil on October 6, 2006, at 5:19:53
I agree with Dinah and Annierose - this is the get to know you period and you might not like this guy at all, just wait and see.
I see a psychodynamic therapist (6 years) and I've learned to tolerate the silences while he is waiting for me to say something. Occasionally, when I just don't have the words, we will talk about my dreams.
Also, I've learned that those periods of silence usually occur when there is something that I need to talk about, but just can't.
As you get more familiar with your T, you might want to ask yourself if you are holding something back.
In any case, you have taken an important step towards feeling better. Good luck with the shopping and keep us posted.
Maddie
Posted by pegasus on October 6, 2006, at 10:12:31
In reply to Questions about therapy from a newbie, posted by NthnBrazil on October 6, 2006, at 5:19:53
I do agree with what others have said. But I also wanted to mention that if you have a feeling of just not connecting with this person, it's totally valid to move on and try out someone else. Over the years I've interviewed a lot of therapists, and some of them seemed right away to have potential, and I then needed a few session to get a real feel for how well I thought we'd connect. With others, though, I just knew 20 minutes in that I wasn't going to connect well. So, I'd say, it's ok to listen to your intuition if it's ringing bells and waving flags.
That said, it's not unusual that a psychodynamic T would leave long silences and wait for you to talk. There are therapeutic reasons to do it that way. Personally, that would drive me nuts and I'd want to address it or move on right away. Sometimes if you mention to them how it makes you feel, it can lead to productive work. Or if you ask them to give you more interaction, they might adjust.
Good luck. Welcome to the fascinating world of therapy.
p
Posted by Racer on October 6, 2006, at 13:11:36
In reply to Re: Questions about therapy from a newbie, posted by pegasus on October 6, 2006, at 10:12:31
Oh, those early silences!
My guess is that your new T is trying to avoid directing you right now, and is leaving silences in order to encourage you to fill them. Right at first, if you're not used to talking in therapy, that's a very useful way to get a bit more out of you. My second guess about it is that, if you build a therapeutic alliance with this particular T, the silences will dwindle.
Welcome to Babble! And welcome to therapy...
Posted by mair on October 6, 2006, at 17:19:09
In reply to Questions about therapy from a newbie, posted by NthnBrazil on October 6, 2006, at 5:19:53
You're well ahead of the game for having just researched some different kinds of therapies. I was far more clueless when I started therapy. I'm with everyone else - the relationship is as important as anything. And for some people (moi), alot of the CBT stuff just doesn't work. I think someone else noted that even psychodynamic therapists will incorporate CBT techniques as well, so they're not entirely mutually exclusive.
My therapist used to jump in to bail me out of those silences. She doesn't do that as much now because we figured out that there were things I probably just wasn't going to get to without the long silences - the silences can be pretty meaningful.
If I had it to do over again, however, I might start out with CBT. Many here probably would disagree, but I've always wondered if things might have been different if my very first therapist had taken a different tack. Once you're entrenched in psychodynamic therapy, it's awfully difficult to switch to something more minimalist.
Welcome
mair
That being said,
Posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 18:55:47
In reply to Re: Questions about therapy from a newbie » NthnBrazil, posted by mair on October 6, 2006, at 17:19:09
> If I had it to do over again, however, I might start out with CBT.
Yes. I started out with CBT. It wasn't enough for me, but some things I learned in CBT were invaluable to me.
There are a lot of people who do a brief course of CBT and CBT is enough for them. They do a 6 or 12 or 24 week course, and they learn the skills they need to move on with their life.
Most of the people here have found that isn't enough. That is probably (in part) why we are here.
> Once you're entrenched in psychodynamic therapy, it's awfully difficult to switch to something more minimalist.
Yes, I think that can be right. On the other hand, there is brief psychotherapy that also involves a 6 or 12 or 24 week course.
I do think, though, that people who get into psychotherapy tend to be in psychotherapy for a while... But perhaps we have a biased sample on Babble.
___________________________________
I would give it 5 sessions and see how you go. If you get the opportunity it might be nice to mention to your t that you were fairly keen to do CBT. That you had been reading about it and thought you could benefit from some of those techniques. Your t should be able to teach them to you.
Posted by Daisym on October 6, 2006, at 23:48:04
In reply to Questions about therapy from a newbie, posted by NthnBrazil on October 6, 2006, at 5:19:53
So here is my question: Is this what its going to be like the whole time or is this just sort of a get-to-know-you period at the beginning while he figures out where I'm coming from? Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect to get "fixed" in the first session, I just want to know what I'm in for.
***The likelihood is that if this is his style, things will stay more or less the same. Except you will both have more to talk about as you get to know each other. There are techniques to psychodynamic therapy that include silences and reflective listening -- some of it drives me nuts. I "call" my own therapist on it a lot.Originally I was interested in a CBT or REBT approach which I had researched a little online, but after interviewing with the practice (its a group practice that's part of a hospital, so they have therapists of all kinds available) they assigned me to someone who uses "psychodynamics" method. I looked into that online as well and saw its more of the traditional psycho-therapy style I would have imagined before hearing about CBT or REBT. Now I don't know if I should push to follow my first instinct and switch to a different therapist, or acknowledge that I don't really know how it works and just go with this guy.
****One of the things no one told me when I started therapy is that you can ask A LOT more questions in the beginning than later on -- at least you can ask them without so much baggage. So this would be a great time to ask him - "how do you see us working together?" and about the CBT stuff. I would ask questions about how long he typically sees clients too, that way you can gauge if this is what you are looking for as well. Assignments are made to therapists for all kinds of reasons, including he had an opening. So don't assume "they know best."
If it stays the same throughout I feel like I'm going to start having anxiety over getting therapy for my anxiety. .
*****I had to laugh. I've often said, "I need therapy for therapy." It is why I came looking for Babble so long ago. Therapy can be very anxiety provoking. But all in all, it has helped me. But then again, I think I have a pretty good therapist. :) Welcome to Babble.
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