![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on September 28, 2006, at 18:02:05
I am taking Developmental Lifespan Psych and today in class we were talking about the attachment of an infant and toddler and the different stages according to different Psych models. Well almost every different model pretty much says the same thing, on how important attachment (especially the mother) is in developing normally to adult. She discussed on what happens when the infant doesn't receive what they need even when just being born , and how it effects them as adults if the maltreatment still occures. I can see myself and some of my personality traits relating to this, and it makes me so mad, sad, and just kinda devestated to see the truth. I know I can turn around the results, but it seems so hard now realizing the reason I am messed up in certain ways. My mom really screwed me up and it hurt really bad because it wasn't just the emotional and physical torture, it was basic needs that all infants need.
I know the physical, and emotional abuse impacts greatly but wow, the "neglect" is just as bad for developing healthy relationship even as an adult.
My T got really upset one session when I told him how my mom used to say that I was spoiled when I was in the hospital after I was born. I was underweight, and had to stay their for a month until I gained enough weight and the nurses used to rock me at night and when I came home I would cry at night a lot, and it was of course according to her because I was spoiled. She had to "retrain" me (who really knows how she did that) He just said it really shows her mentality and how sick she really is.
I thought I was okay, but now the more I know, the more I am angry at my childhood, it just wasn't fair to me. I know the world isn't fair, but damn when will the sh*t stop pouring in my life? I know this is the past, but in a way it is my present too. Why is it hard to trust people? Well duh, it now makes too much sense and it really pisses me off. I used to say when she is dead, then the torture will end, but when will the scars heal? I think I need to call my T .
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 28, 2006, at 18:25:33
In reply to feeling triggered by my class today (childabuse ), posted by happyflower on September 28, 2006, at 18:02:05
> I am taking Developmental Lifespan Psych and today in class we were talking about the attachment of an infant and toddler and the different stages according to different Psych models. Well almost every different model pretty much says the same thing, on how important attachment (especially the mother) is in developing normally to adult. She discussed on what happens when the infant doesn't receive what they need even when just being born , and how it effects them as adults if the maltreatment still occures. I can see myself and some of my personality traits relating to this, and it makes me so mad, sad, and just kinda devestated to see the truth. I know I can turn around the results, but it seems so hard now realizing the reason I am messed up in certain ways. My mom really screwed me up and it hurt really bad because it wasn't just the emotional and physical torture, it was basic needs that all infants need.
>
> I know the physical, and emotional abuse impacts greatly but wow, the "neglect" is just as bad for developing healthy relationship even as an adult.
> My T got really upset one session when I told him how my mom used to say that I was spoiled when I was in the hospital after I was born. I was underweight, and had to stay their for a month until I gained enough weight and the nurses used to rock me at night and when I came home I would cry at night a lot, and it was of course according to her because I was spoiled. She had to "retrain" me (who really knows how she did that) He just said it really shows her mentality and how sick she really is.
> I thought I was okay, but now the more I know, the more I am angry at my childhood, it just wasn't fair to me. I know the world isn't fair, but damn when will the sh*t stop pouring in my life? I know this is the past, but in a way it is my present too. Why is it hard to trust people? Well duh, it now makes too much sense and it really pisses me off. I used to say when she is dead, then the torture will end, but when will the scars heal? I think I need to call my T .Please call your T. This stuff can be really upsetting. :(
-Li
Posted by happyflower on September 28, 2006, at 18:50:54
In reply to feeling triggered by my class today (childabuse ), posted by happyflower on September 28, 2006, at 18:02:05
I called him tonight, thinking I will leave a message, and he answered the phone probably expecting someone else because he answered his phone saying hello, which was really weird. I just got a cell phone and he has caller ID, so I bet he didn't know it was me. LOL I sort of paused and said hello, and he said this is (first name) stumbling and I told him I didn't expect him to answer the phone. (long silence from him)I think he was really caught off guard. (he was probably thinking Oh, sh*t! why did I answer!)(it was after hours) I then said I am calling to see if by chance he had an opening tomorrow. Well he said he is going to be out of the office due to a minor surgury he is having (he didn't say what). He said it wasn't a big deal, (but I didn't need to know that), because I am now a little worried because no surgury is risk free.
I asked him If I could tell him what it is about. He said yes,
so anyways I told him that I am really upset due to my class today and that I see some of my personality issues due to my upbringing. He doesn't "do" therapy on the phone, so that was all I could really say ( i know his boundries) Well he said that this would be a good subject to talk about on Tuesday that really ties into what we need to talk about. (what I kinda avoided talking about last session).He did say that he would be in the office on Sunday to check his messages and stuff and if he gets a cancellation for Monday, he would call me on Sunday. It was very nice of him to offer, it has been quite a while since I asked for a sooner appointment.
Now I do feel kinda vunerable for telling him, like I really opened up that book. Well it is obvious that my childhood is still haunting me and I need his help probably with EMDR. But I a really scared because I feel this touched a nerve in a big way with me, it is getting harder to control my emotions regarding this when I am in his office. I really try my best to "stay composed".
Well at least I did get to talk to him (which was kinda comforting to hear his voice and concern) Because it would have been a couple of days before he would have gotten my message to call me back ( I don't call his emergency number).
But somehow I have to try to concentrate on my big test tommorrow in another class. But I think I might do some journaling over the weekend and talking on babble chat. I am really nervous.
Posted by TherapyGirl on September 28, 2006, at 19:08:15
In reply to feeling triggered by my class today (childabuse ), posted by happyflower on September 28, 2006, at 18:02:05
Exactly, HF. I think most (if not all) of us on this board are still dealing with the effects of that initial attachment not going well. My T says that's why I freaked out with her earlier this week. She thinks some of that will always be there and that I can learn to control it better. I hope she's right.
And I hope the same is true for you. None of us can undo the past, but I'm hopeful that we can change our futures.
((((((((((HappyFlower)))))))))))
Posted by alexandra_k on September 28, 2006, at 22:37:25
In reply to feeling triggered by my class today (childabuse ), posted by happyflower on September 28, 2006, at 18:02:05
I hear what you are talking about. I had trouble with some of my psychology classes too...
Sometimes I think it can be helpful to learn about that kind of stuff. It helps us see that our responses are understandable. Likely consequences.
A lot of the research on attachment has been contested. A lot of 'accepted' and 'not accepted' child rearing practices have been contested too.
> my mom used to say that I was spoiled when I was in the hospital after I was born. I was underweight, and had to stay their for a month until I gained enough weight and the nurses used to rock me at night and when I came home I would cry at night a lot, and it was of course according to her because I was spoiled. She had to "retrain" me (who really knows how she did that)
For a while... That was meant to be how you raised children. You had them on a schedule because you didn't want to 'spoil' them. If you put them down to sleep and they cried then you ignored them because you were supposed to put them on a schedule. For their own good. I don't know if you guys have plunket. It is an organisation that had leaflets and information on how to raise kids. I've read some of their old stuff. It was very schedule based and warned of the dangers of spoiling.
People are much more liberal now with their child raising practices. If they want to be picked up you pick them up. If they don't want to be toilet trained then you respect that they aren't ready yet.
That is a change in society... I'm not sure that that says she is sick... It might have been societies norm at the time... Or it might have been that that is how her mother told her she was to raise a kid... I don't know... I just know that the notion of 'spoiling' and 'retraining' used to be endorsed by the govt. literature over here, at any rate. And I'm sure that stuff filters down from other parts of the world...
It might also have been a point that...
Your time in hospital (and maybe the ward shifts if it was the same person...) meant that you attached to a nurse. They picked you up and you stopped crying. Your mother picked you up and... Maybe you didn't stop crying because you weren't so used to her.
Sometimes it is a combination of things (all of them out of our control).
I don't know.
Attachment is a funny notion... When the settlers started coming to NZ a lot of stuff was written on how maladaptive Maori (indigenous peoples) child raising practices were. In particular... Infants don't get to spend a great deal of time with their mothers instead they are usually cared for by older siblings and grandparents and the like. The infants didn't seem to have *one* attachment figure the way that western infants tend to. The settlers wrote this up as a form of child abuse.
Now... We learn about how the notion of attachment is a western notion and it is far from clear that it is a universal human drive / need. Sure it is important that our needs get met... But even psychoanalytic / attachment theorists tend to distinguish between meeting of needs and overindulgence of desires. Where do you draw the line?? Who knows...
I don't know.
Posted by madeline on September 29, 2006, at 5:59:33
In reply to feeling triggered by my class today (childabuse ), posted by happyflower on September 28, 2006, at 18:02:05
HF,
I think you have every right to be angry - I mean deep down angry. You were cheated out of something that was rightly yours. I guess a lot of us were.
I've had a similar awkward experience with my T when I called him at home during a crisis. He answered to phone and simply said "hello" and I was like "um, I think I have the wrong number, sorry, but um, I was trying to reach Dr. XXXX" and he said "Speaking" and I said "No, Dr. XXXXX the psychiatrist" and he said "this is he, who is calling please?"
I think I said something really stupid like "No sh*t - I didn't expect you to just say hello" and then I launched into a detailed apology about disturbing his family etc...
Looking back on it, it was hilarious.But, I'm glad you called your T and I'm glad he answered, sometimes just hearing their voice is enough. I think it helps us to realize that we are not completely alone.
Take care
maddie
Posted by muffled on September 29, 2006, at 18:01:02
In reply to i called my T, posted by happyflower on September 28, 2006, at 18:50:54
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.