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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by rjlockhart on September 14, 2006, at 21:47:20
I see a therpist that we talk about what i think of myself, but it isnt helping me with getting out of my little mind that i keep myself in.
I feel i am not grown up, mentally, i cant really converse good when alot of people are "going in" in conversation, intense, i just stay quiet. What is it that keeps me like this? My personality? i have thought of changing myself, and growing with my ego. But i dont know how.
What is that feeling you have inside you that you feel self-awareness, and you feel connected. Ego, SuperEgo, ID, ?
Im so confused, someone post anything!
Matt
Posted by Daisym on September 14, 2006, at 23:51:11
In reply to My therpist isnt helping me.....and i need help, posted by rjlockhart on September 14, 2006, at 21:47:20
Matt,
I'm not sure I totally understand the question. Are you assuming that most people feel connected and sure of themselves so that they can converse with others in a way that is easy and not self-conscious? If this is your premise, I think you are wrong. Most people are nervous and unsure of themselves in one setting or another. Some of us feel really comfortable with work stuff or problem solving, but bring feelings into the conversation and watch me run away. Other people can feel things with you and wouldn't dream of offering practical advise. And still others make small talk out of nothing and seem serene with themselves. I'm actually good with a crowd and have a much harder time in small groups.
It think we are all different and different at different times and with different people. What are you wishing your therapist would do with you?
Posted by finelinebob on September 15, 2006, at 20:31:12
In reply to My therpist isnt helping me.....and i need help, posted by rjlockhart on September 14, 2006, at 21:47:20
If you're just starting out, don't expect breakthroughs. Opening up to talk requires trust, and you cannot be expected to trust someone to the extent you need within a few weeks or even a few months. If it still isn't working then, have no regrets to saying goodbye and finding someone else. You need to be in charge of your own care -- don't surrender your healing to "experts" because none of them feel what you do. They don't have to live with it.
I wouldn't worry about any sort of mental maturity or sophistication. That's part of the point of therapy -- to help you develop that. Everyone needs to learn what 1 + 1 is before they can move on. I also wouldn't be so married to one particular theory of mind. They are models -- descriptions that MAY help us to understand, but if they don't then discard it and look for something that makes sense. The usefulness of a model is its explanatory power. If the id-ego-superego thing ain't doing it for you, then set it aside. It might later, maybe only in parts, but being the "subjects" and not the "researchers" allows use to have a theoretical pragmatism about it all -- who cares where it comes from or even if it inconsistent with other beliefs ... if it works for you, use it.
One other thing about building trust, at least for me. I refused to use "the couch" for at least a year. Talking to my T face to face, learning her non-verbal gestures and communications, all that I think led me to trusting her more and sooner than I would have been able to than if she insisted on me lying down with her above my head, out of sight. Without trust, to me that can seem quite condescending. With trust, it allows us both to focus on me ... even when it comes to body language, we both focus on my own.
Just some thoughts...
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