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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 16:32:30
He said if he did get one, he would have every desire and intention to continue to see me twice a week, although obviously it would be different.
This isn't helping my depression, anxiety, and desire to quit this earthly coil.
It isn't imminent. In that there's nothing promising for him on the horizon.
He didn't tell me on purpose or anything. My semipsychic abilities acted up today, and I surprised him into truthfulness.
They're a blessing.... and a curse.
Right now they feel more accursed.
Posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 16:56:14
In reply to He's still not opposed to a full time job :(, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 16:32:30
I mean, I know he has the right and duty to do what's best for him and his family. I understand that, and I want what's best for him too.
But it doesn't feel good.
Posted by Jost on September 8, 2006, at 18:05:08
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :(, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 16:56:14
Hi, Dinah. I'm sosorry you've gotten such a jolt about your T's availability--even if it's not a fait accompli, but only a seemingly ever-present, amorphous threat.
Honestly, if my T announced that he were moving/closing his practice/doing anything that would affect our connection, I would lose it. Especially given the vagueness and pendingness of the disconnection. I personally could not feel safe in that context--of course, I also couldn't stop seeing him.
Is there any sort of solid ground you can establish?
Maybe the thing to do is to work out some arrangement, so that you have some certainty--not vague promises or hopes, but actual scenarios, and commitments-- about how he would handle future situations. He must have some good ideas of what types of jobs he's looking for-- and therefore various ways he would (not could, or would like to, but would) handle it.
What a huge disruption. :{
Jost
Posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 18:36:19
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :( » Dinah, posted by Jost on September 8, 2006, at 18:05:08
I do have faith that he'll do his best to see me, or I don't know what I'd do.
It's also not a new threat. I just didn't think it was an ongoing one. I had the idea that right now was a relatively stable time for therapists in New Orleans, on a financial level.
From past experience, I'd say that if he can, he'll try to arrange a half day off one day a week and see me a second time on the weekend. If he can't manage that, I imagine he'll try to see me after work one day a week and on the weekend for a second session.
But he's right. It is different, and not in a good way. He doesn't particularly like working in a nine to five supervised position, and in the past he's been rather tense while doing it. And seeing him after a full day of work he doesn't particularly like isn't the same as seeing him when he's at his best.
But I'll never leave him, of course.
I do have faith that if it's anywhere in his power, he won't stop seeing me. Only if he or someone in his family becomes ill or if he moves out of state. I guess that's something.
It's just not terribly good for me to see him when he's not at his best.
I'm afraid I'll have to hope that things don't work out in any prospective employment. And try not to feel guilty about that. :)
Posted by annierose on September 8, 2006, at 20:45:43
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :( » Jost, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 18:36:19
I know how you worry about his availibility so of course this is upsetting. And it makes sense that he would be tired after a full day @ another job.
Remind yourself that it hasn't happened yet and he will make time for just you, because you are a "jessica".
Posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 20:49:47
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :(, posted by annierose on September 8, 2006, at 20:45:43
I know. :) Thanks.
I wonder if he'd be willing to talk to me about what it's like to be a therapist in private practice. Maybe I wouldn't feel so... hurt if I understood the pressures he was under.
I know it's asking him something personal. But it certainly wouldn't be the first time he shared something personal. I just don't usually presume to ask.
Posted by Jost on September 8, 2006, at 20:59:38
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :( » Jost, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 18:36:19
I'm glad to hear that. Even if it's not perfect.
At least, he's committed--
Can you hope that his private practice becomes more lucrative? and that he doesn't need to look for a less pleasant job?
Sometimes, when my self-interest is in direct conflict with that of people I work with, I hope, for them, that they get a great gig-- but I reserve the right to be glad that they haven't--
I don't feel too guilty, then-- I haven't gotten to the point of feeling terribly comfortable with my self-interest. But I have to admit, that I've barely gotten to the point of truly accepting that my T has long summer vacations-- at all. I don't want him to go away-- but I know he needs to rest, and I do want him to enjoy it (at least most of it). So maybe when it matters enough, I'm more comfortable than I realize.
Jost
Posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 22:23:43
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :( » Dinah, posted by Jost on September 8, 2006, at 20:59:38
Yeah. I like that. I'll wish that his practice becomes more profitable - enough so that he doesn't feel compelled to take another job.
I know he doesn't really like that anyway, so I don't have to feel guilty about wishing for that.
He likes the short term traveling consulting jobs, but he never has liked having a boss, per se.
Posted by muffled on September 9, 2006, at 1:18:48
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :(, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 16:56:14
Sorry to hear that Dinah.
He does seem very committed to you
I'm so NOT into attachment, that your attachment to your T is mystifying.
Yet you are ok with it.
Thats good to know.
The uncertainty must be difficult.
Mind you, I live in an ongoing state of being convinced my T is gonna dump me...so mebbe its not so different...
I'm rambling.
Hope it all goes ok.
Really, really do.
Take care Dinah.
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2006, at 10:41:39
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :( » Dinah, posted by muffled on September 9, 2006, at 1:18:48
I'm actually very conflicted about attachment in some ways. I think it's a stupid stupid thing to do. But I wouldn't give it up unless it was wrested away from me.
Posted by Shortelise on September 16, 2006, at 14:39:55
In reply to He's still not opposed to a full time job :(, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 16:32:30
Hi Dinah,
I have a precious day off, and have worked so hard this week I don't feel I have to jump into housework, so am visiting my friends here.
Y'know, you have been through such a hard time. But hasn't your T been a constant thoroughout it all? Do you realize what a strong bond exists between you? You have both made efforts through this past year to maintain a relationship, and that's so precious. I have faith that you have the ability to weather this upheaval, and continue with him. You are learning through adversity how strong you are, Dinah. Can you see that? All you have been through, just in the past year, and here you are. Still thinking, still feeling, keeping on. That's a wonderful thing. Oh, right, the pain of it all. Yes, there it is. But you obviously have chosen to weather it. You obviously can weather it.
Please hang on to the earthly coil. It's all there is.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on September 16, 2006, at 15:58:36
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :( » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on September 16, 2006, at 14:39:55
I know. I know we work hard at it, and will continue to work hard at it. I really do appreciate that in him, and I really do understand that even if he takes a full time job, he'll do what he can to see me twice a week.
I guess... Maybe I wish he weren't such an optimist, or that he didn't overestimate his limits so much. But I guess those are the flip sides of the qualities that help me so much.
Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2006, at 12:41:22
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :( » annierose, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 20:49:47
> I wonder if he'd be willing to talk to me about what it's like to be a therapist in private practice. Maybe I wouldn't feel so... hurt if I understood the pressures he was under.
I presumed to ask, and I know his thinking on the topic better. I'm glad he felt it was in my therapeutic best interests to share. He reiterated all the time that it wasn't anything to do with not enjoying seeing clients in general or me in particular, and stressed that if it did happen, while I might need to be more flexible, he'd still want to see some private clients and I'd be at the top of his list.
I'm glad I asked. Nothing's changed of course, and he maybe didn't even tell me anything I didn't know. But it quieted the "what if.." gremlins a bit.
Posted by sunnydays on September 19, 2006, at 15:49:42
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :(, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2006, at 12:41:22
I'm glad he was able to reassure you a little bit. I'm so scared that my T would leave and get another job, although he's said many times that he loves what he does and feels blessed to be able to work where he does. Good for you for asking! Those "what if..." gremlins really do need to learn to be quiet! (I'm picturing something like a small noisy garden gnome...)
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2006, at 16:12:07
In reply to Re: He's still not opposed to a full time job :( » Dinah, posted by sunnydays on September 19, 2006, at 15:49:42
This is the end of the thread.
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