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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on August 21, 2006, at 13:12:39
Well first of all I want to thank everyone who has helped me with my recent issues of freaking out. ;-)
Feeling better but a little nervous . I had a good session this morning. Of course the first thing he wanted to know was I firing him or did I truly have a schedule conflict .Haha he sure nailed me on that one. Well I talked around that for a little bit and tried to avoid saying anything. Then I remember the last couple of weeks talking to Dinah, and I realized if he is going to help me, I need to let him. So I told him that I was not okay and that when he said he thinks he has helped me all that he thinks he can, it really made me feel rather hopeless, because feeling like this sucksespecially if there is no hope. He then asked me why am I not all okay. I talked about the mood swings and anxiety I get into when something triggers me from my past.
I told him that I didn't want to have to do this all over again, and I didn't want to see someone else. And if I didn't deal with what I need to, then I probably won't even try later in my life.
Then he presented both sides of how well am I. One side I am going back to school, playing in bands again, making friends, exercising everyday, etc. , and for most people that would be doing pretty darn good in spite of like marriage problems and past childhood abuse. Then I am like well I am capable of doing stuff even while I am not okay, but it doesn't mean I am happy or doing well in my own mind. If this is all to life, then life truely sucks. I am so good at putting a happy face on sadeness, I think I have even fooled my therapist too, I told I am a great actress.
Then this thing in his window distracted me and we got off on tangents but good ones that needed to be talked about. But then at the end of my session , he said he believes that he can help me and wants to go deeper and may have to push me. This is where I am feeling nervous, because it is so hard for me to expose my innerself. But I trust him, so he will help me I hope if I fall apart. I just need to pick out one issue to work in detail on.
I have a lot of current issues too that have came to the surface. My estranged stepdaughter (28) wants to establish contact with me and my DH again. I know i haven't talked much about this, but my SD was a big stressor in our marraige because that would bring in my DH ex wife, and they really made things horrible for me and DH. Well anyways, her mother and stepdad are separated just now and she realized that her mother is a liar. Well now she is thinking that she lied about my DH, OHHH ya! . So the "reunion" I am not so excited about. Well also a new thing she was dianosed with bi-polar. I knew there was something off a long time ago, but I didn't know about the different disorders.
Well since I took a Pysch. class, my DH wanted to know more about it, so I showed him sites and my book. Well he also stumbled upon OCD, which he now thinks it sounds like him. And now that I think about it, yeah, I think he does have it. Usually I am able to deal with it, but now that me and my DH are having problems, it aggravates me to no end. It is one thing to have obsessions in your own head, but when you start using me at ask about a lot of obsessions like, is the oven off, did you pack my meds, etc . And now he thinks he has this disorder ( and he might have it probably according to my T and the symptoms that I discribed to my T ) he has gotten sooo much worse.
Our trip this weekend was mostly a disaster. He was really getting on my nerves. But of corse everything I do is wrong to him and all my fault. I am having trouble hidding the marriage problems from the kids. My son last night asked if me and his dad were getting a divorse. It broke my heart that he asked, and then he started crying like it was bottled up inside and he was worried. I hate this is hurting the kids. I might have to reconsider my thinking on my marriage.
Well we talked about all lot of other stuff too, there was some chatting going on too. But a lot got accomplished I think. At least I feel a little better.
Then I did a dumb thing. He told me he was going to be out of the office on Monday, and that I didn't want to know why. Then I said well now you have to tell me (or it will drive me nuts and make me worry). Well he is having a colonospy done ( the last one got cancelled I just found out). Because I go, ANOTHER ONE? I go what is wrong, then I am like I just knew you were dying. I freaked a little, but I am okay now, he is okay. Just had the other one cancelled because of his heart problems. AAUUGGHHH!I don't know for sure if he is going to sign up for the gym, we talked a little about this. Last night he went out dinner and on the outside terrace was 4 tables, and would you know it , he treated someone at each of the other tables. LOL
Then I asked him if that is why he doesn't want to workout at the gym anymore. Well he told me it is mostly because of the money and he said he is cheap. He said he could workout at the university health club cheaper, but it was more inconveinent for him.
I also workout at the other for free, so he still would run into me . So I must not be the reason afterall. LOL So if I wanted to , I could follow him around to the different gyms! I won't let him leave me! LOL (did you see my over dramatic facial expression) LOLSo if you are still reading , thank you! I think things are going to be okay. I think I can go deeper, I am just scared. He did say jokely that do you think we could be done before 5 years? I am like ya, is that your limit? He didn't answer me. :-) Well I need to take a nap, I promise to respond the posts I read today.
Posted by happyflower on August 21, 2006, at 19:17:05
In reply to My session today (xtra long ), posted by happyflower on August 21, 2006, at 13:12:39
I meant to say that my T and I think my DH might have OCPD, not OCD, which is different. ;-)
Posted by curtm on August 22, 2006, at 12:13:19
In reply to My session today (xtra long ), posted by happyflower on August 21, 2006, at 13:12:39
Are the flowers smiling today?
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2006, at 16:26:22
In reply to My session today (xtra long ), posted by happyflower on August 21, 2006, at 13:12:39
That sounds great, Happyflower. I'm glad you were able to talk honestly about things with him.
Posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2006, at 17:26:11
In reply to My session today (xtra long ), posted by happyflower on August 21, 2006, at 13:12:39
Posted by happyflower on August 22, 2006, at 19:28:53
In reply to Hi (((((((HF)))))) :), posted by curtm on August 22, 2006, at 12:13:19
Yes, Curt, the flowers are smiling today! ;-)
Thanks for asking. Hugs back at ya!
Posted by happyflower on August 22, 2006, at 19:30:15
In reply to Re: My session today (xtra long ) » happyflower, posted by Dinah on August 22, 2006, at 16:26:22
Thanks Dinah,
He wants to do some EMDR on me with the memories of the past. It makes me nervous, but I think I need to do it. Thanks for responding to my post!! ;-)
Posted by happyflower on August 22, 2006, at 19:30:56
In reply to Re: (((((Happyflower))))) (nm), posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2006, at 17:26:11
Thanks Ladybug,
Hugs back to ya! ;-)
Posted by llrrrpp on August 22, 2006, at 23:29:46
In reply to My session today (xtra long ), posted by happyflower on August 21, 2006, at 13:12:39
Happyflower
confession from llrrrpp, I only scanned your post, because I'm super sleepy.I think it's great that your T is going to push you AND I think it's very decent of him to warn you of what's coming up. Remember, the most meaningful things in life are born through pain and hardship. (children?)
Just keep on doing the things you do well (i.e. coping and getting the things in your life done) I'm so jealous that you are doing well with your music and exercise. I haven't quite got your energy.
And take a deep breath and know that your T is there for you. He can handle what comes up out of the murky depths. He has told you so already. And don't worry about losing him. He's already a part of you that you will keep forever.
Happyflower- I have high hopes for you that you're going to do really well- especially when you finish climbing this big daunting mountain, and you can actually look around and give yourself credit for earning the view.
-ll
Posted by finelinebob on August 22, 2006, at 23:57:15
In reply to Re: (((((Happyflower))))) » LadyBug, posted by happyflower on August 22, 2006, at 19:30:56
EMDR? A friend just suggested that for me for my PTSD ... I think my T and I have a handle on it, but the next few weeks will tell. Anyway, if you do go through it and you're willing to talk about it, I'd be interesting in hearing about it.
Otherwise, as someone who's gone pretty deep ... don't know if this will happen with you, but sometimes after my sessions I could get "stuck" in a memory or in the feelings it brought up. No matter how far back in the past, it can feel brand new. If that does happen, the thing to remember is that you **survived** all of that and you're **stronger** because of it.
Even if that isn't how you feel at that moment.
This is the end of the thread.
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