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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2006, at 17:54:42
Therapy has been hard lately. Some of it was due to my surgeries, me not feeling well physically and emotionally, us getting tangled and some misunderstandings.
I had 2 surgeries in 2 weeks time. My emotional self wasn't the greatest but I am feeling better, not totally, but better now.
I saw my T yesterday and I read a lot out of my journal. We decided we will work on 3 things.
1. Boundaries
2. Dependance
3. Being one with each otherThat's a load of work. And they are closely realted to each other. I know boundaries are so important. She keeps good ones. My dependance on her is a delicate issue. I've gotten better over the years and I don't think it's a huge issue right now, but enough of one to make us do something about it. I call her a few times during the week most weeks and it's not really anything difficult or stuff that can't wait but she has been really good to respond to my call and let me know she got my message etc. But lately she missed a few of those times and I went into a panic and told her I wanted to take a break from therapy for a few weeks. The child in me saying "If you hurt me, I will go away".
I know it's an issue I have to overcome.
The 3rd thing is her phrase and I don't like it. She has told me I want to be one with her and maybe at times it's been true but not for a long time. She thinks differently. I told her that repulses me to think that way right now. To me it sounds sexual in a way even though I know that's not what she means. She said yesterday, like we melt into each other. We have to come up with a better way to say it.
The bottom line is...........I need to like myself and then these issues should work themselves out. But I've been trying for 10 years. I'm doing better but I still have moments when I let others make me feel like a big piece of crap, even my kids at times will say stuff that make me feel like a big loser.
I've got my work cut out for me for a while. I'm so glad babble is here for me. It's my life line between myself and my therapy when I can't talk to my T.
Thanks for reading, I'm reallllllly down today because of my marriage. And I want to call my T so bad and tell her what's going on, but that would be dependance right? It's a huge issue going on with my husband right now and something he did to me and it reflects on our entire family life. I hate him.
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2006, at 18:33:25
In reply to What I'm working on, posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2006, at 17:54:42
> It's a huge issue going on with my husband right now and something he did to me and it reflects on our entire family life. I hate him.
> LadyBugWhat your husband did to you reflects only on him. That's part of boundaries. :) The better part.
I'm sorry you're having to struggle with these things with your therapist. I know they're no fun. But at least you're working together on them. If that's any consolation.
Posted by happyflower on August 22, 2006, at 19:37:38
In reply to What I'm working on, posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2006, at 17:54:42
((((Ladybug)))) It sounds like you are really working in your therapy. It is hard I know. And to want to call your T , you might as well do it, to put some peace to your mind. It sounds like she handles your calls mostly in a good way except when she forgets.
So do you want to talk about what your DH did? I want to smack mine upside the head at the moment. LOL
Posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2006, at 22:51:24
In reply to Re: What I'm working on, posted by happyflower on August 22, 2006, at 19:37:38
Well I guess you asked what my husband did so I will give you a piece of it. He is an addict, addicted to pain meds. I had some left from my surgery. I had them locked up in in a safe. You can guess the rest. He broke the lock on my safe last night and got about 15 of them and took them all. I didn't have a count on what I had left and I didn't count them before I flushed the rest. It doesn't matter. The fact is he betrayed me by stealing from me. I should have flushed them after my surgery and I didn't need anymore. I hate pain meds anyway. I have to lock up all my meds cuz he's such an a** he get's into them at times. And I dont even take anything that would do a thing for anyone. I am at the point of leaving no matter where I end up, in the homeless shelter would be better than to spend any more time with him. It brings back everything he's done to me. I wanted to call my T today and tell her because I was really hurting. Since we are working on dependance I decided this is a good place to start. Don't bother her, she can't do a thing for me anyway. She knows everything he's done to me the last 10 years. It's the reason I got into therapy in the first place. I wish like anything that I made enough money to support me and my 2 kids. Should I leave and leave them here? They are 15 and almost 21. They are my life and the reason I'm still alive. I would have taken my own life many times if it weren't for them. They are my reason to live. Why should I let someone cause me to be so hateful and unhappy. I had 2 of my co-workers today tell me they loved me. That touched my heart.
I go see my T again on Thurs. or at least I have an appointment. Should I go? Or should I save the money and try to get my own place? I'd like to leave this weekend. I've gone through this so many times in the 22 years we've been married. If my daugher was in this situation I'd help her leave and find a place. I'd help her with money or whatever she needed to be safe. I'd want her to be happy. This is what I want too.
Should I call my T? Nah, I think it can wait. It's not easy admiting to having such an a** for a husband. It makes me feel bad about myself, another issue I'm working on. Why should I let his choices make me feel like I'm crap? I'll never learn, but I need to take some serious action in order to survive. I hate my spouse more than anything on this earth right now. I can't affored to go to my T. to complain and cry. I need to do the work so I can get stronger and get the heck out of here.
SadLadyBug
This is the end of the thread.
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