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What I'm working on

Posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2006, at 17:54:42

Therapy has been hard lately. Some of it was due to my surgeries, me not feeling well physically and emotionally, us getting tangled and some misunderstandings.
I had 2 surgeries in 2 weeks time. My emotional self wasn't the greatest but I am feeling better, not totally, but better now.
I saw my T yesterday and I read a lot out of my journal. We decided we will work on 3 things.
1. Boundaries
2. Dependance
3. Being one with each other

That's a load of work. And they are closely realted to each other. I know boundaries are so important. She keeps good ones. My dependance on her is a delicate issue. I've gotten better over the years and I don't think it's a huge issue right now, but enough of one to make us do something about it. I call her a few times during the week most weeks and it's not really anything difficult or stuff that can't wait but she has been really good to respond to my call and let me know she got my message etc. But lately she missed a few of those times and I went into a panic and told her I wanted to take a break from therapy for a few weeks. The child in me saying "If you hurt me, I will go away".
I know it's an issue I have to overcome.
The 3rd thing is her phrase and I don't like it. She has told me I want to be one with her and maybe at times it's been true but not for a long time. She thinks differently. I told her that repulses me to think that way right now. To me it sounds sexual in a way even though I know that's not what she means. She said yesterday, like we melt into each other. We have to come up with a better way to say it.
The bottom line is...........I need to like myself and then these issues should work themselves out. But I've been trying for 10 years. I'm doing better but I still have moments when I let others make me feel like a big piece of crap, even my kids at times will say stuff that make me feel like a big loser.
I've got my work cut out for me for a while. I'm so glad babble is here for me. It's my life line between myself and my therapy when I can't talk to my T.
Thanks for reading, I'm reallllllly down today because of my marriage. And I want to call my T so bad and tell her what's going on, but that would be dependance right? It's a huge issue going on with my husband right now and something he did to me and it reflects on our entire family life. I hate him.
LadyBug

 

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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:LadyBug thread:679097
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/679097.html