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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on August 10, 2006, at 20:36:57
I just home from a really intense session with my T. I'm still trying to process it. I'm not even sure I can write about it just yet. I made a complete idiot of myself in the past 24 hours and I can't even figure out why for sure. I called her late last night and left her a message that I wouldn't be coming to my appointment today, but about 8 hours earlier I called and told her I would be coming?? She thought it was because of me not feeling well due to the 2 surgeries I've had in the last 3 weeks. It had nothing to do with my physical self. It was all my emotions. I left her a message telling her I was feeling hurt and that maybe I needed a break for a few weeks. She obviously didn't even have a clue what I was talking about!! Then this afternoon I decided to go to her office, call and leave a message telling her I was in the parking lot if she wanted to talk to me. (It was my appointment time by now.) By now I'm digging myself in deeper and deeper looking like an idiot. She called, said, "Come on in", so I did.
I sat down and she said I'm annoyed and I'm not sure I have the capacity to talk about this tonight. I looked down at the couch I was sitting on, took a hold of my keys and wanted to bolt out of there. Instead I started getting teary and decided to wait and try to figure it out!
I won't even go into any detail about the issue, I don't even have the patience right now.
We did try to understand each other. I'm the nut. When I left I said, I'm a dumb sh*t. I meant it! I sat there and tried to figure out a way to not make things any worse but I did make them worse??? I know I'm not really my real self, I'm still recovering from both my surgeries. She knows that. I guess I will be doing a lot of journal writing this coming week. Trying to figure out what the heck I was thinking when I called and told her I wasn't coming and trying to blame it on her for not leaving me a message telling me she had gotten my message. Then I end up in her parking lot telling her I needed to see her??? I'm in shock over my actions.
She must be shaking her head right now???
I don't expect a single reply cuz I'm just totally nuts right now. Ever feel that way????????
Yuck!
LadyBug
Posted by sleepygirl on August 10, 2006, at 21:57:49
In reply to Intense Session With My T, posted by LadyBug on August 10, 2006, at 20:36:57
> I don't expect a single reply cuz I'm just totally nuts right now. Ever feel that way????????
uh....YES!! indeed I have felt that way, and undoubtedly will again soon!!
physical stress surely has an effect on one's emotional well being, but aside from that it sounds like you've been able to work on it
-take it easy, recover, journal, be gentle with yourself
-sg :-)
Posted by Tamar on August 11, 2006, at 3:11:15
In reply to Intense Session With My T, posted by LadyBug on August 10, 2006, at 20:36:57
Hi LadyBug,
You’re not a nut, or a dumb sh*t. I know it can *feel* crazy to go through the feelings of wanting to talk to her and not wanting to talk to her… but it’s *not* crazy.
If I understood you correctly, you called and said you were coming, and you wanted an acknowledgement from her that she was expecting to see you. When she didn’t call to acknowledge, perhaps you felt rejected… perhaps you felt as though she didn’t care whether you came or not. But it sounds as if you needed validation for how difficult it was for you to come.
And despite your feelings of rejection you wanted to see her, so you went to her office and told her you were in your car, and it must have been a bit of a relief when she said you should come in, but maybe you were still angry at her as well.
And then, when you finally managed to get yourself into her office, she told you she was annoyed at you, which must have felt awful if you were afraid of being rejected by her.
Did I get that right? Or did I misunderstand something?
I think when people do the sort of thing you did – wanting to connect and wanting to run away at the same time – it usually indicates they’re dealing with very painful feelings. You didn’t mention the issue you were talking about, and I don’t know whether that’s related to your feelings and your behaviour. What does seem obvious is that you felt very ambivalent about talking to your therapist, and maybe the issue you were discussing was relevant to that, or maybe it was something else.
I’m really glad you did see her, and that you both tried hard to understand each other. From everything you say, it sounds as if you really needed her to reassure you that she was there for you and prepared to listen to you. And even if she felt a little annoyed because she didn’t understand your behaviour, nevertheless, she was there for you and she did want to understand you. She sounds great.
And also, I think it was really great that you went to your appointment when you were feeling so ambivalent. That took a lot of courage. You should feel proud of yourself for being able to handle your feelings well enough to engage with your therapist instead of retreating from her. Well done you!
Tamar
Posted by LadyBug on August 11, 2006, at 7:53:03
In reply to Re: Intense Session With My T » LadyBug, posted by sleepygirl on August 10, 2006, at 21:57:49
Thanks sleepygirl. That should be my name today. I went to bed early last night and didn't want to get up this morning, but I have a dentist appointment to go to so I have to get going!!
I hope to continue to heal and get back to normal, whatever that is!!!
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2006, at 7:54:54
In reply to Intense Session With My T, posted by LadyBug on August 10, 2006, at 20:36:57
I think I was told that a period of intense emotion was not uncommon after surgery. :(
I'm not quite sure what happened, but I have faith that the two of you can work it out. It really seems like you have a mutually caring relationship.
Posted by LadyBug on August 11, 2006, at 7:57:55
In reply to Re: Intense Session With My T » LadyBug, posted by Tamar on August 11, 2006, at 3:11:15
Tamar!!! You hit the nail right on the head! That's amazing because I was so scattered brained last night that my post hardly made any sense.
You were so right. I wanted valadation from her and felt rejected. She was annoyed and I was hurt.
I told her I wouldn't call her this week, between appointments, that I'd just write a lot in my journal. I want to call her this morning and make sure she's still not annoyed with me, but I won't. I need to move on and worry about my own feelings right now.
You're awesome! Thanks for your reply. I too am glad I went in to see her. She told me she thought it was great that I could do that after what I had done and it was the right thing to do.
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on August 11, 2006, at 8:01:26
In reply to Re: Intense Session With My T » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on August 11, 2006, at 7:54:54
Thanks Dinah, and I think I have to agree with the intense emotions stuff. She has told me several times that we regress after surgery, no matter who we are. She's right. I just need to get feeling better, and back to normal. I had 2 surgeries, the first one being more than I expected. I do have faith that we will work through this.
We have worked through some very hard things.
Thanks for your reply!
LadyBug
Posted by happyflower on August 14, 2006, at 10:53:34
In reply to Intense Session With My T, posted by LadyBug on August 10, 2006, at 20:36:57
(((Ladybug))) I really understand, I really do.
This is the end of the thread.
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