Posted by Tamar on August 11, 2006, at 3:11:15
In reply to Intense Session With My T, posted by LadyBug on August 10, 2006, at 20:36:57
Hi LadyBug,
You’re not a nut, or a dumb sh*t. I know it can *feel* crazy to go through the feelings of wanting to talk to her and not wanting to talk to her… but it’s *not* crazy.
If I understood you correctly, you called and said you were coming, and you wanted an acknowledgement from her that she was expecting to see you. When she didn’t call to acknowledge, perhaps you felt rejected… perhaps you felt as though she didn’t care whether you came or not. But it sounds as if you needed validation for how difficult it was for you to come.
And despite your feelings of rejection you wanted to see her, so you went to her office and told her you were in your car, and it must have been a bit of a relief when she said you should come in, but maybe you were still angry at her as well.
And then, when you finally managed to get yourself into her office, she told you she was annoyed at you, which must have felt awful if you were afraid of being rejected by her.
Did I get that right? Or did I misunderstand something?
I think when people do the sort of thing you did – wanting to connect and wanting to run away at the same time – it usually indicates they’re dealing with very painful feelings. You didn’t mention the issue you were talking about, and I don’t know whether that’s related to your feelings and your behaviour. What does seem obvious is that you felt very ambivalent about talking to your therapist, and maybe the issue you were discussing was relevant to that, or maybe it was something else.
I’m really glad you did see her, and that you both tried hard to understand each other. From everything you say, it sounds as if you really needed her to reassure you that she was there for you and prepared to listen to you. And even if she felt a little annoyed because she didn’t understand your behaviour, nevertheless, she was there for you and she did want to understand you. She sounds great.
And also, I think it was really great that you went to your appointment when you were feeling so ambivalent. That took a lot of courage. You should feel proud of yourself for being able to handle your feelings well enough to engage with your therapist instead of retreating from her. Well done you!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:675515
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/675576.html