![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by inimitable on July 21, 2006, at 12:28:47
like the situation in the post above, i am infatuated with my T, i don't want to call it love cause i don't even KNOW him!!!! but today i am seeing him, not a regular appnt, which is usually on mondays (which then is followed by a week of torture, forever thinking of the next time i'll see him). but this week has been especially bad, and this is my first unplanned appointment, where i absolutely needed to see him. but i knew the weekend would be too much. and i have come to a (kind of) descision. i don't know if i'll stick to it, maybe he'll talk me out of it, or maybe he'll agree with me. my descision is that i think i am only really going to therapy to see him, i have problems yes, but they mainly went away when my husband left the house and seeing as how that was the main problem, we have just been working on some DBT and other skills, to help me in the future. but this therapy has only created another problem in my life- trying to cope with the fact that i will never be with him in any romantic way. this is my problem in life right now, nothing else in my life is very hard to cope with except for that! so i think, even though it will break my heart to stop seeing him, even just as my therapist, that i should stop seeing him all together and not even see another therapist, because the only problem in my life, as i said, are my feelings for t, and i think i can handle them on my own, as long as i don't have a weekly reminder (appt with t). but i don't know if i'll actually stick to this descision. i may be weak and end up sticking with therapy, because every time i think about never seeing him again or hearing his wonderful voive (soft and gentle, with some type of small accent, but also a little monotone, if that's possible), i tear up and end up crying.
anyways my appointment is in an hour, wish me luck!*inimitable
Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 12:34:16
In reply to as above, breaking my heart, posted by inimitable on July 21, 2006, at 12:28:47
I'll be thinking of you.
Let us know how it goes?
Posted by inimitable on July 21, 2006, at 17:28:00
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » inimitable, posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 12:34:16
Hey, it went okay, i at least feel better.
I am going to continue therapy. he asked me if I'd rather avoid this pain or learn to deal with it, learn skills (more skills than i have learned so far i guess), to help deal with the pain, in case it happens in the future. yes, my whole life it seems i am attracted to those who don't find me attractive or they are otherwise unattainable, and so this situation with him is nothing new really, but this pain is worse than i've ever felt with any relationship. so he knows i have this pattern of liking those unattainable, so he suggested that if i kept with therapy, i would be able to learn skills that would help me in the future. i knew he would use that, bring that up, i guess the idea of having to see him every week, as a reminder, is hard. he is so cute, i love his hands (so frail and soft looking) and he uses them often, gesturing and putting them against the side of his face, kind of playing with his face a bit...and his eyes...okay i'm not going to even get started on this fantasy, stopping it before it goes to far. it's hard.i have to work on that. anyways, thank you for replying dinah, and for those of you that are reading this now, thanks. this board is helpful to have, when i need it. i don't have too many big things, problems, but when i do, it's good to know you are all here.
:)
*inimitable
Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 17:33:34
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart, posted by inimitable on July 21, 2006, at 17:28:00
If it's part of a pattern, I can see the use in working with it in a relatively safe environment. You know he won't take advantage of your feelings or use them against you.
I'm glad he was sensitive enough to treat it respectfully.
Posted by raisinb on July 21, 2006, at 21:10:42
In reply to as above, breaking my heart, posted by inimitable on July 21, 2006, at 12:28:47
Wow, I hear you--I'm in the same boat. Can't get over the feelings, can't quit, can't tell the therapist (because what good would that do?). My therapist is a straight female, so she'd probably be even more freaked out by such a confession. I'm worse now than when I began therapy with her. How on earth do you deal with this stuff?
Posted by crushedout on July 22, 2006, at 9:31:59
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart, posted by raisinb on July 21, 2006, at 21:10:42
> Wow, I hear you--I'm in the same boat. Can't get over the feelings, can't quit, can't tell the therapist (because what good would that do?). My therapist is a straight female, so she'd probably be even more freaked out by such a confession. I'm worse now than when I began therapy with her. How on earth do you deal with this stuff?
raisinb,
I don't think you should assume that because your T is straight she will be freaked out by your confession. This is really common in therapy. If they are any good, they expect this to happen. It doesn't even necessarily mean that you are gay yourself--only that she has touched some need inside you.
If I were you, I would try to share this with her and see where it takes you. It won't be easy.
Posted by inimitable on July 22, 2006, at 12:08:22
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » raisinb, posted by crushedout on July 22, 2006, at 9:31:59
actually raisin, i had told my T when i first started feeling like this, and i didn't tell anyone else, except online. i have no friends and i didn't want my sisters to know, because what if....the totally impossible situation, what if my t and i DID get together (after i was done seeing him professionally) and my sisters knew he used to be my T, would they think he was unethical and turn him in to the police? so that's why i didn't tell them, also cause i don't really talk to my sisters about very personal things, and if i do, its my sister who believes in god (although i DON'T) and i wouldn't tell her about this situation cause i think she'd freak out and start praying for me and all that jazz. my other sister i have told, just this past week, but i don't get personal with her at all really, just the facts, yes, i am infatuated with my T and it's torture. i didn't get into details about how the torture feels (i want to rip my eyeballs out so i don't ever have to look at my T again, see his cute face and hands...) so it doesn't really help much to talk about it with her. but i do talk about it with my T, and this unscheduled appt that i HAD to have with him this friday really helped, because i told him everything. and i thought i had been telling him everything, but i hadn't. it's not as if i lie in therapy or anything, i tell the truth and get fully involved. but i didn't really let on how much this situation was killing me inside. it was a great release to finally tell him how much i think about his face and lips and hands and eyes....to finally tell him the details of this torture.
anyways what i'm trying to say raisin, it might be embarrassing to tell your t, but this is what she's getting paid for, to help you through any problems you might be having in life, right? it will make you feel a little bit better at least, to let it out and let her know, if she handles it well, which i am sure she will. i mean, my guy is a grad student, not even a real psychologist, and he is handling it very well!
i hope your situation gets better, it won't go away, but i hope it gets a little better. i used to think that my situation would just go away if i tried hard enough to stop thinking about him, but it didn't work, much to my dismay. anyways i am going to stop writing now, cause now i'm starting to think of him again! i am going to try my DBT skills now!
*inimitable
Posted by mayzee on July 22, 2006, at 16:08:53
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart, posted by inimitable on July 21, 2006, at 17:28:00
>
> I am going to continue therapy. he asked me if I'd rather avoid this pain or learn to deal with it, learn skills (more skills than i have learned so far i guess), to help deal with the pain, in case it happens in the future.
> ... he suggested that if i kept with therapy, i would be able to learn skills that would help me in the future.
>What are the skills that can be learned?
I have an obsessive crush on my T. I think I understand Madeline's points about it's ok and even helpful to love your T. But for me, mine seems an unreasonable, obsessive crush. And it just seems to get in the way of my therapy. I have plenty of other things to work on; and when I can keep focused on those, therapy with this guy has been really helpful. I did tell my T about the crush. And when it comes up in session I feel like I'm wasting my money taking up time to deal with this. Like, I should get a T that I'm not attracted to. (I've had several Ts over the years and this is the first time I've had a crush on one. I've only been seeing him for about 3 months so we don't have a long history together) Also, I feel like I spend too much time outside of therapy thinking about him.
I told my T I just want to get rid of this feeling ... of wanting something so badly that I can't have. It's so uncomfortable / frustrating to me. And like I said, I have other issues that are a higher priority for me to work on.
So inimitable, can you tell me more about the skills that you are going to work on developing in therapy? What kinds of things can your T help you learn that would help you deal with this?
Thank you!!!
mayzee
P.S. due to my depression I haven't had any romantic feelings for anyone for over 3 years; so my friend says she's happy just to hear that I can have those feelings again.
Posted by crushedout on July 22, 2006, at 16:28:39
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » inimitable, posted by mayzee on July 22, 2006, at 16:08:53
Hi mayzee,I totally understand your frustration and often feel exactly the same way. But I also suspect it's not about your T. I mean, even though it's possible that if you got a really unattractive T, this wouldn't come up, it still is not entirely about the therapist.
And your P.S. makes me think especially that this may be something important you need to deal with. Although what "dealing with it" means, I have yet to really figure out myself, as you can tell from my posts above.
:(
It is really painful, but I keep believing what my Ts and babblers tell me: that this is a part of the process. That good therapy almost REQUIRES this, as weird as that seems.
My therapist has helped me with other stuff that is unrelated to love/romance, which have been valuable, but this thing is really core stuff. It might radiate out to the whole rest of our lives.
> > I am going to continue therapy. he asked me if I'd rather avoid this pain or learn to deal with it, learn skills (more skills than i have learned so far i guess), to help deal with the pain, in case it happens in the future.
> > ... he suggested that if i kept with therapy, i would be able to learn skills that would help me in the future.
> >
>
> What are the skills that can be learned?
>
> I have an obsessive crush on my T. I think I understand Madeline's points about it's ok and even helpful to love your T. But for me, mine seems an unreasonable, obsessive crush. And it just seems to get in the way of my therapy. I have plenty of other things to work on; and when I can keep focused on those, therapy with this guy has been really helpful. I did tell my T about the crush. And when it comes up in session I feel like I'm wasting my money taking up time to deal with this. Like, I should get a T that I'm not attracted to. (I've had several Ts over the years and this is the first time I've had a crush on one. I've only been seeing him for about 3 months so we don't have a long history together) Also, I feel like I spend too much time outside of therapy thinking about him.
>
> I told my T I just want to get rid of this feeling ... of wanting something so badly that I can't have. It's so uncomfortable / frustrating to me. And like I said, I have other issues that are a higher priority for me to work on.
>
> So inimitable, can you tell me more about the skills that you are going to work on developing in therapy? What kinds of things can your T help you learn that would help you deal with this?
>
> Thank you!!!
>
> mayzee
>
> P.S. due to my depression I haven't had any romantic feelings for anyone for over 3 years; so my friend says she's happy just to hear that I can have those feelings again.
>
Posted by raisinb on July 22, 2006, at 17:13:14
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » mayzee, posted by crushedout on July 22, 2006, at 16:28:39
Thanks for the encouragement people...I'm a long way from actually saying something, and my therapist wouldn't pick up on it either. I'm pretty sure she's clueless, but who knows. Do they ever bring it up if they see the signs?
Posted by crushedout on July 22, 2006, at 17:35:06
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart, posted by raisinb on July 22, 2006, at 17:13:14
> Thanks for the encouragement people...I'm a long way from actually saying something, and my therapist wouldn't pick up on it either. I'm pretty sure she's clueless, but who knows. Do they ever bring it up if they see the signs?
I think sometimes they do. But they're probably worried about freaking you out (the same way you're worried about freaking her out). Also, they don't want to push you before you're ready.My last T (who wasn't exactly perfect but did some things right) kind of brought it up, or gave me an opening rather, by asking me to describe my feelings about her.
I think you should take as much time as you need. If you think she can't handle it, though, you may want to consider getting another T, as hard as that sounds. But I would give her a chance to prove you wrong first.
Posted by inimitable on July 22, 2006, at 17:54:02
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » inimitable, posted by mayzee on July 22, 2006, at 16:08:53
well mayzee, i am currently working on DBT skills, my therapist is a cognitive behavioral kind, i don't know what kind you are working with, so maybe this info wouldn't help. but i am just working on different kinds of skills that help me cope better with stress, or they are suppossed to anyways. things such as observing how i am feeling, yet not holding onto that feeling, not getting stuck on feeling that way i guess. and learning to be one mindfully in the momemt, whatever moment that is, like if i am eating, i only eat, and pay attention to the sensations of eating. or being in a conversation wholeheartedly. some of this is common sense, but it's kind of different, my t could explain it better i guess.
yeah, i know how a lot of people say that it's good that it's a part of therapy and it SHOULD be a part of therapy, but i don't think of what i am feeling is transference, and my t doesn't think so either, so i kind of hate to hear people say that everyone efeels this way, or a lot of people do, when it seems to belittle what i'm feeling, categorizing it into something that happens and should happen, and putting that nasty word on it: transference. I don't like the word, but that's just my opinion. i can't really give any advice, since i haven't been dealing with it too well either. it makes me smile at times to think of my T, and then other times i want to cry....anyways, yeah i am just working on DBT skills and other skills that a person with borderline personality disorder may work on, because i have a few of the traits, although not as pronounced as some, so my T thought these skills would help me.good luck :)
*inimitable
Posted by madeline on July 23, 2006, at 11:30:27
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » inimitable, posted by mayzee on July 22, 2006, at 16:08:53
<<<P.S. due to my depression I haven't had any romantic feelings for anyone for over 3 years; so my friend says she's happy just to hear that I can have those feelings again.>>>
EXACTLY! You still have those feelings and THAT, I think is the important thing here.
I am not going to lie to you, I went through three years of hell with my T. I knew I was only going to get hurt. I knew I was only going to continue to get hurt if things continued the way they were in therapy.
I accused him of every trick in the book - leading me on, being a big fake, a coward, a liar - not just any liar but the WORST kind of liar. I accused him of being on a ego trip, I begged him not to hurt me anymore. I wrote long scathing letters about how he was nothing but a jerk and that he was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
Through it all he just sat there and listened. He would have little spurts of defensiveness, especially when I would accuse him of grossly mistreating me, but he would only point out that he had never done anything of the sort. I would have to then concede his point.
We went on like this for years. He would always tell me that the love I felt and the love he felt for me didn't have to hurt anyone. It could exist in that room and no one was going to die from it. I bet he said that a hundred times before I realized that he was right. I could love him, it was okay.
Then I went through a phase when I ONLY wanted to love him, but slowly and painfully that changed as well.
You just have to be open to the whole emotional process in therapy, nothing is right or wrong. It just is.
Talk to your therapist about it, talk to them over and over again. If this is the first time you have felt love in three years (for me it was MUCH longer) then run with that.
It will be okay, it really really will.
Maddie
Posted by crushedout on July 23, 2006, at 12:18:52
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » mayzee, posted by madeline on July 23, 2006, at 11:30:27
Maddy,Your posts have been very helpful for me in trying to think this through. I'm sure you will forgive me for being skeptical, though, given what you went through. I mean, I can see how this was important for you, but my situation is different in that I've never had any problems falling in love. Maybe I'm kidding myself when I say that because none of my relationships have worked out, but falling in love, or loving, has never seemed to be the root of the problem for me. So I'm wondering where this gets me.
(I don't mean to hijack this thread but I just started thinking about this as I read your post here.)
What I'm wondering is: what, if anything, did your therapist do or say or ask (besides telling you that it was okay to love him, etc.) to work through these feelings you were having for him? I mean, did you talk about what needs he was filling for you, or maybe what you didn't get as a child that made it so hard for you to love, etc.? Or did he just sit there and let you love him safely, and love you back?
The reason I ask is that I already went through this with a previous therapist for a couple of years (old-timers know the whole saga--which was kind of a fiasco) and I ended up having to leave her and start over with my current one. My previous T probably thinks I ran away and didn't deal with these feelings. But for me, I think the problem with how she dealt with it (in part) might have been that she just let me go through the feelings without helping me to figure out what they were about. So, did your T help you with that?
Sorry that was so long-winded.
crushedout
> <<<P.S. due to my depression I haven't had any romantic feelings for anyone for over 3 years; so my friend says she's happy just to hear that I can have those feelings again.>>>
>
> EXACTLY! You still have those feelings and THAT, I think is the important thing here.
>
> I am not going to lie to you, I went through three years of hell with my T. I knew I was only going to get hurt. I knew I was only going to continue to get hurt if things continued the way they were in therapy.
>
> I accused him of every trick in the book - leading me on, being a big fake, a coward, a liar - not just any liar but the WORST kind of liar. I accused him of being on a ego trip, I begged him not to hurt me anymore. I wrote long scathing letters about how he was nothing but a jerk and that he was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
>
> Through it all he just sat there and listened. He would have little spurts of defensiveness, especially when I would accuse him of grossly mistreating me, but he would only point out that he had never done anything of the sort. I would have to then concede his point.
>
> We went on like this for years. He would always tell me that the love I felt and the love he felt for me didn't have to hurt anyone. It could exist in that room and no one was going to die from it. I bet he said that a hundred times before I realized that he was right. I could love him, it was okay.
>
> Then I went through a phase when I ONLY wanted to love him, but slowly and painfully that changed as well.
>
> You just have to be open to the whole emotional process in therapy, nothing is right or wrong. It just is.
>
> Talk to your therapist about it, talk to them over and over again. If this is the first time you have felt love in three years (for me it was MUCH longer) then run with that.
>
> It will be okay, it really really will.
>
> Maddie
>
>
Posted by raisinb on July 23, 2006, at 15:18:13
In reply to as above, breaking my heart, posted by inimitable on July 21, 2006, at 12:28:47
When I confided in a close friend about the feelings I'd been having (up til now, I'd told nobody--kind of practice for possibly telling my therapist someday, I guess). It was the most tremendous relief, and I realized that what I'd just done for myself was more important than anyone's reaction. I stopped telling myself not to feel what I was feeling, accepted it, and validated it myself by telling someone else.
So I guess what I'm saying is--maybe my therapist will be totally freaked out and rejecting and it'll be terrible, but it's still important for me to do it, for myself.
Um, someday :)
Posted by mayzee on July 23, 2006, at 20:22:36
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » mayzee, posted by crushedout on July 22, 2006, at 16:28:39
>
> I totally understand your frustration and often feel exactly the same way. But I also suspect it's not about your T. I mean, even though it's possible that if you got a really unattractive T, this wouldn't come up, it still is not entirely about the therapist.
>
> And your P.S. makes me think especially that this may be something important you need to deal with. Although what "dealing with it" means, I have yet to really figure out myself, as you can tell from my posts above.
>
Thanks for your reply crushed. It has me thinking about what it is I can learn from this. It's weird, because it doesn't feel like love to me so much as *infatuation*. I've only known him a few months but felt this big crush after just 1 or 2 sessions. Mainly I just want to get rid of that feeling and get down to work with him on my other issues.So there's the aspect of not wanting to have the feeling if I can't act on it. Being very frustrated by that; and out of control. There's definitely my thoughts that "if only I were good enough, then he'd love me back." And the "I'm too needy" stuff. I'm also thinking there might be some work around why I have a huge crush on someone I don't even know (he doesn't tell me anything about his private life). Especially because the last guy I dated, years ago, I had a similar "this makes no sense but I'm obsessed" crush on. So I guess all of those things are things to work on. It's just so distracting sometimes!!!
Posted by mayzee on July 23, 2006, at 20:40:23
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart, posted by inimitable on July 22, 2006, at 17:54:02
> well mayzee, i am currently working on DBT skills, my therapist is a cognitive behavioral kind, i don't know what kind you are working with, so maybe this info wouldn't help. but i am just working on different kinds of skills that help me cope better with stress, or they are suppossed to anyways. things such as observing how i am feeling, yet not holding onto that feeling, not getting stuck on feeling that way i guess. and learning to be one mindfully in the momemt, whatever moment that is, like if i am eating, i only eat, and pay attention to the sensations of eating. or being in a conversation wholeheartedly. some of this is common sense, but it's kind of different, my t could explain it better i guess.
>
Hi inimitable,I'm not too familiar with the specifics of DBT, though I know it involves mindfulness and I have studied that through various stress mgmt & meditation classes, and I've found it to be more helpful than much of the therapies I've done over the years.
This therapist does ISTDP (Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy). "Its primary goal is to help the patient overcome internal resistance to experiencing true feelings about the present & past which have been warded off because they are either too frightening or else too painful." (from Wiki) I suffer from depression, and alot of my work with him deals with trying to get me to be 100% honest & authentic about what I'm feeling, rather than covering it over with anxiety or turning it against myself or using other defenses (avoidance, helplessness, etc.) It's intense and very hard work for me. And a lot of it has to do with practicing this by being honest about how I'm feeling towards the T. So the whole crush thing is brutal when he keeps asking "So how do you feel towards me now?" It's certainly challenging to be 100% honest & authentic when what I really feel like doing is jumping his bones! :) I guess the goal would be for me to feel OK to tell him that rather than feeling extremely anxious.
Anyway, as you work with your T, please let me know if there are things that you learn that help you deal with this specific situation. Like I said, this is the first time I've ever had this come up (having had 6 other Ts)
Good luck to you too, and thanks!
mayzee
Posted by mayzee on July 23, 2006, at 20:50:38
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » mayzee, posted by madeline on July 23, 2006, at 11:30:27
Hi Madeline,
>
> I accused him of every trick in the book - leading me on, being a big fake, a coward, a liar - not just any liar but the WORST kind of liar. I accused him of being on a ego trip, I begged him not to hurt me anymore. I wrote long scathing letters about how he was nothing but a jerk and that he was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
>It sounds like you were very good at being open & honest with your T! I'm getting pretty good at it with other feelings, but not so much with my feelings for him.
>
> He would always tell me that the love I felt and the love he felt for me didn't have to hurt anyone.
>My T has never said anything about the love he feels for me (if only!). I think he cares about me but our relationship just started so I don't have alot of trust in it yet.
>
> You just have to be open to the whole emotional process in therapy, nothing is right or wrong. It just is.
>
Yeah, I guess that's the core of my work... being open to whatever is; not judging it, not trying to shut it down or hide it. Being aware & accepting of it.>
>If this is the first time you have felt love in three years (for me it was MUCH longer) then run with that.
>Actually it's more like 5 years but I think I was too embarrassed to say that. But what do you mean "then run with that"? I wish I could run with it, but he's not willing!
Thanks for sharing your experience!
mayzee
Posted by mayzee on July 23, 2006, at 20:54:04
In reply to I realized something yesterday.., posted by raisinb on July 23, 2006, at 15:18:13
> I realized that what I'd just done for myself was more important than anyone's reaction. I stopped telling myself not to feel what I was feeling, accepted it, and validated it myself by telling someone else.
>You go girl!!! Way to go raisinb!
Posted by madeline on July 24, 2006, at 10:11:44
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » madeline, posted by crushedout on July 23, 2006, at 12:18:52
We never once analyzed my feelings for him. There was nothing there to analyze, I always felt as though I was a human responding to simple kindness and patience and trust. In fact, I said over and over again that just about ANYONE is that situation would have reacted the way I did, and boy did he agree with that! He really helped me to realize that there was nothing pathological about it. It was just a normal human response and like any response it could be contained and wasn’t going to hurt anyone.
The majority of the work (as in working through it) was squarely on my shoulders and all he did was help me to trust him enough to go through it with him in the room.
The fact is I wasn’t getting what I wanted and THAT is where the hurt was coming from, not from loving him, but my response to it.
Over and over again I ran face first into the therapeutic boundary and over and over again I lashed out. I wanted to quit therapy, but something kept me going back and I’m glad. Quitting would have been the worst thing I ever did.
It’s funny actually, looking back on it, I was real big brat.
There was one seminal conversation however. I was lamenting (once again) that we were never going to have a relationship outside of therapy and he simply commented that what we had in therapy was pretty good. I kind of stopped bitching and looked at him and just felt this incredible relief. He was right.
He would always be there, he would never judge me and no matter what kind of havoc I was raising in real life, he would be right there sitting in his chair, happy to see me.
It gave (and still does) me a lot of strength. It’s not the “What do you want for breakfast, honey” kind of love, but it is real.
Just my two cents.
Maddie
Posted by canadagirl on July 24, 2006, at 17:36:53
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » crushedout, posted by madeline on July 24, 2006, at 10:11:44
That sounds so lovely. It makes me have faith in "the process" I guess.
Posted by inimitable on July 25, 2006, at 12:10:14
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » crushedout, posted by madeline on July 24, 2006, at 10:11:44
>It gave (and still does) me a lot of strength. It’s not the “What do you want for breakfast, honey” kind of love, but it is real.
That part, for some reason, made me cry a bit, tear up. well actually i think i know the reason is because i am thinking once again how nice it WOULD be to have my T over here in my apt in the morning, saying "what do you want for breakfast honey?" and i have to cut that thinking out!
my T says i fantasize a lot. and i do, about all things not just this T situation but about what my life will be like in the future, all the things i'll do....how good life WILL be. because even though i don't completely enjoy life right now (i have good moments) i KNOW there is something in the future for me, worth waiting for. maybe it came from my always reading as a teenager, i would read books, and get lost in the character's lives, imagine what they look like, follow their movements...wishing i could be them, and have it easy. anyways i was wondering, do any of you guys fantasize too much? see i usually do it, not really concsiously, like oooopppp, i'm fantasizing! but while i'm thinking about one thing, it'll trail off onto another, and i start thinking about the future eventually, the things i want to do. anyways pardon me for going on and on!!!! hope you are all having a good week so far!*inimitable
Posted by crushedout on July 25, 2006, at 12:18:36
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart, posted by inimitable on July 25, 2006, at 12:10:14
my feeling is that you shouldn't try to stop fantasizing about such things, but that you should talk about your fantasies with your T and what they mean to you (and cry about it if you need to).not that i ever do that, but i think you should. :)
i should too.
> >It gave (and still does) me a lot of strength. It’s not the “What do you want for breakfast, honey” kind of love, but it is real.
>
>
>
> That part, for some reason, made me cry a bit, tear up. well actually i think i know the reason is because i am thinking once again how nice it WOULD be to have my T over here in my apt in the morning, saying "what do you want for breakfast honey?" and i have to cut that thinking out!
> my T says i fantasize a lot. and i do, about all things not just this T situation but about what my life will be like in the future, all the things i'll do....how good life WILL be. because even though i don't completely enjoy life right now (i have good moments) i KNOW there is something in the future for me, worth waiting for. maybe it came from my always reading as a teenager, i would read books, and get lost in the character's lives, imagine what they look like, follow their movements...wishing i could be them, and have it easy. anyways i was wondering, do any of you guys fantasize too much? see i usually do it, not really concsiously, like oooopppp, i'm fantasizing! but while i'm thinking about one thing, it'll trail off onto another, and i start thinking about the future eventually, the things i want to do. anyways pardon me for going on and on!!!! hope you are all having a good week so far!
>
> *inimitable
Posted by mayzee on July 25, 2006, at 20:54:21
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart, posted by inimitable on July 25, 2006, at 12:10:14
> my T says i fantasize a lot. and i do, about all things not just this T situation but about what my life will be like in the future, all the things i'll do....how good life WILL be. because even though i don't completely enjoy life right now (i have good moments) i KNOW there is something in the future for me, worth waiting for.
>It's good to maintain that positive base of hope; to be able to see for yourself that you are hopeful about the future!
My problem with fantasizing was that, for decades, I used to always think about what things would be like in the future, telling myself things like, "things will be better when...". But not getting myself to be active in the NOW. So years went by and things didn't get better. I wasn't in therapy back then. Don't mean to be a downer; just my own cautionary tale. So I guess I feel like fantasizing is healthy (& fun) as long as I don't try to live in there versus living life now. (which is a tendency for me)
This is the end of the thread.
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