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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on July 9, 2006, at 23:43:31
In my last visit with my T, I told her about 2 surgeries that I am having. One is a week from tomorrow. The other one I need to schedule depending on how I feel after the first one. I'm hoping for later that week so I don't have to take too much time off work. I've known about the first surgery for a month or so I just needed to see the surgeon and set a date. The other surgery was not planned but needs to be taken care of too. So she said we need to talk about what to do while you are out of commisiion. I said ok.
She said, "Under the circumstances I think it would be appropriate for me to come and visit you at your home, what do you think?" I said "What do *you* think? I trust her completly and know she would never offer it if she even remotly thought it was not okay. She is very strick with boundaries and I'm ok with that.
She is going out of state this week to an assignment she has with a therapy insititute she works with. So I won't be seeing her this week. I probably won't be able to drive for a week or so so it's not likely that I can see her the week of my surgery and I might not feel up to going to her office anyway. I will be off work for at least 2 weeks so we are both thinking I might not see her for a total of 4 weeks between visits. I do so much better when I see her every week. We've worked together for over 9 years and this is the best we've done the past year. She said, "You've always talked about us visiting out on your deck, now we could reallly do that."
I'm almost in shock. I told her I'd think about it. I want her to come over! It just makes me feel like everything would need to be perfect!! My house is basically clean and I spent this weekend making sure the carpet got cleaned and I even got some new rugs etc. to improve things. What will she think? I don't think she'll care what it looks like. She's seen pictures. It wouldn't be a shock. My house is about 8 years old, so it's not in too bad of shape. The drive for her would take 20 to 30 min. each way. How long would she stay? I'm not sure.
What do you guys think? Put youself in my shoes. If your T offered to come and visit you after a surgery, would you like that, or would you let them?????? It's a dream come true, but is it really what I'd like? I'm thinking I will let her. She left me a voice mail the day after our visit this week and mentioned 2 different times that she feels completly comfortable coming to my home to visit me during this time.
Wow, I can hardly believe I'm typing this. But it makes me feel good inside to know how supportive she is of me.
I'd love to know how you'd feel or what you'd do if you were me in this situation.
Thanks!
LadyBug
Posted by scentedgarden on July 10, 2006, at 6:30:41
In reply to Upcoming Therapy Concern, posted by LadyBug on July 9, 2006, at 23:43:31
Hi !!
If I were in your shoes, i can honestly say without hesitation, I'd agree to the home visit from my therapist...
you're post amde me feel good vibes, and i'm chuffed she cares so much about you.
She's coming to see you, and not your house, but naturally you will want it to look good, that's understandable, I would too.
Actaully I've had a dream about mine visiting me at home, and it was the rooms with the most mess i needed her help with, and also she was able to see my heart in my kitchen and living area, where i have expressed my soul in the chosen surroundings i have created for myself.
Perhaps after your surgery you will be in your bed when she calls, so you will be relaxed and chilling out. It sounds to me like she is NOT crossing boudaries at all. It sounds to me like she is looking out for your wellfare and has your best interests at heart.
I don't know any reason why she won't give you the normal length of time for the visit. If you think about it all out therapist have to travel to their clinics or their offices anyway, so i wouldn't worry about that eating into her time with you.
Enjoy being cared for by a good therapist, they are few and far between these days so it sounds to me like you are in capable and loving hands.
And i totally understand that you can't believe you were typing those words...but i think it's just sooooooooo nice. ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY !!!
Thats what i'd do if i were in your shoes.. Let her commitment to you build you up, build up your self esteem, and belief that you are worth her attention, and the kindness of others in your life...and let that flow over into your other relationships... It sounds good to me Ladybug!!
This is the first time i've posted to you, so i hope you like my 2 cents worth! Take care, and lots of best wishes for the surgeries...I hope you are safe and come through them and recuperate quickly, and i think the input from her will help to boost your defenses and imune system to heal from the surgery in the best possiblw way. GOd bless!! Scentedgarden
Posted by sunnydays on July 10, 2006, at 8:54:40
In reply to Upcoming Therapy Concern, posted by LadyBug on July 9, 2006, at 23:43:31
I agree with scentedgarden.... enjoy! I get good vibes from your post, too, and I don't see anything wrong with it. She wouldn't offer if she wasn't completely comfortable with it. And try not to worry too much about what your house looks like - honestly, she's coming to see you and make sure you're okay. Your house doesn't need therapy! :) Anyway, I say enjoy it.
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2006, at 9:48:04
In reply to Upcoming Therapy Concern, posted by LadyBug on July 9, 2006, at 23:43:31
My therapist offered to visit me in the hospital after surgery once, and I politely declined. The hospital post-op is NOT somewhere I'd like to see him. Then we had phone sessions for a few weeks after.
Had he offered to come to my home, I think it would have made me mildly uncomfortable, but I think I also would have said yes.
Yalom talks about going to at least one patient's home, maybe more. And maybe something is lost by not visiting a client's home in these sterile clinical days. I think my therapist could get a more rounded view of my life if he saw how totally out of control my home is.
As long as you understand why she's doing it, and don't build up any expectations from it, it seems like a nice gesture on her part and a safe one to accept.
Posted by MidnightBlue on July 10, 2006, at 11:42:03
In reply to Upcoming Therapy Concern, posted by LadyBug on July 9, 2006, at 23:43:31
If you feel up to it serve her coffee or tea on your deck! If you don't even feel like sitting outside that is okay too.
And what is the worst that will happen? She will say something like you poor dear you need someone to help you clean house since you just had surgery and aren't supposed to do anything!
MB
Posted by LadyBug on July 10, 2006, at 14:42:06
In reply to Re: Upcoming Therapy Concern » LadyBug, posted by scentedgarden on July 10, 2006, at 6:30:41
I loved your reply! Thanks for your 2 cents! I think my house is plenty clean enough for her to see and if I have to stash a few things away for a short time, that's ok. I have wanted her to secretly come to my house forever. Now's my chance. I told her we should meet at her house, but her house if farther for me to go than her office.
I agree with everything that you said.
Thanks for the positive thoughts and helping me make the decision. I appreciate it!
LadyBug
P.S. I will let you know how it goes!!
Posted by LadyBug on July 10, 2006, at 14:51:13
In reply to Re: Upcoming Therapy Concern » LadyBug, posted by sunnydays on July 10, 2006, at 8:54:40
Thanks sunnydays.........
I think I will enjoy it! I think I will explain to her that our sprinkling system has been broken so our yard looks the worst!! But maybe she won't look at it? Ya right, but it's what's inside me, not my home, that matters when this is all said and done. This takes a lot of guts for me to tell her yes, that would be nice. She is amazing and I do really love her.
I appreciate your reply! I'll let you know how it goes.
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on July 10, 2006, at 14:58:56
In reply to Re: Upcoming Therapy Concern » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on July 10, 2006, at 9:48:04
I will ask her why she wants to do this. Coud she secretly want to see my home too? And this is a good time to make that happen. Anyway, if she was a male, I don't think I'd accept it. Women are more understanding in my opinion.
Do you think thats why you didn't feel comfortabe accepting your T's offer?
Thanks for your reply! I appreciate it!!!
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on July 10, 2006, at 15:06:20
In reply to Re: Upcoming Therapy Concern » LadyBug, posted by MidnightBlue on July 10, 2006, at 11:42:03
I think the offer for a drink would be a nice thing! The deck would be nice, but I'm thinking it might be too hot this time of year. I usually wait to sit on the deck in the evening, that's my favorite part!!!
I think I feel comfortable with the cleanliness of my place.
Thanks for reply. It makes me feel more confident in my decision.
LadyBug
Posted by rubenstein on July 10, 2006, at 17:53:35
In reply to Upcoming Therapy Concern, posted by LadyBug on July 9, 2006, at 23:43:31
>You obviously have a good therapist whom you trust. I think it would be a great thing for her to come visit you. It would definetly lift your spirits :)
rachelIn my last visit with my T, I told her about 2 surgeries that I am having. One is a week from tomorrow. The other one I need to schedule depending on how I feel after the first one. I'm hoping for later that week so I don't have to take too much time off work. I've known about the first surgery for a month or so I just needed to see the surgeon and set a date. The other surgery was not planned but needs to be taken care of too. So she said we need to talk about what to do while you are out of commisiion. I said ok.
> She said, "Under the circumstances I think it would be appropriate for me to come and visit you at your home, what do you think?" I said "What do *you* think? I trust her completly and know she would never offer it if she even remotly thought it was not okay. She is very strick with boundaries and I'm ok with that.
> She is going out of state this week to an assignment she has with a therapy insititute she works with. So I won't be seeing her this week. I probably won't be able to drive for a week or so so it's not likely that I can see her the week of my surgery and I might not feel up to going to her office anyway. I will be off work for at least 2 weeks so we are both thinking I might not see her for a total of 4 weeks between visits. I do so much better when I see her every week. We've worked together for over 9 years and this is the best we've done the past year. She said, "You've always talked about us visiting out on your deck, now we could reallly do that."
> I'm almost in shock. I told her I'd think about it. I want her to come over! It just makes me feel like everything would need to be perfect!! My house is basically clean and I spent this weekend making sure the carpet got cleaned and I even got some new rugs etc. to improve things. What will she think? I don't think she'll care what it looks like. She's seen pictures. It wouldn't be a shock. My house is about 8 years old, so it's not in too bad of shape. The drive for her would take 20 to 30 min. each way. How long would she stay? I'm not sure.
>
> What do you guys think? Put youself in my shoes. If your T offered to come and visit you after a surgery, would you like that, or would you let them?????? It's a dream come true, but is it really what I'd like? I'm thinking I will let her. She left me a voice mail the day after our visit this week and mentioned 2 different times that she feels completly comfortable coming to my home to visit me during this time.
> Wow, I can hardly believe I'm typing this. But it makes me feel good inside to know how supportive she is of me.
> I'd love to know how you'd feel or what you'd do if you were me in this situation.
> Thanks!
> LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on July 10, 2006, at 19:10:20
In reply to Re: Upcoming Therapy Concern, posted by rubenstein on July 10, 2006, at 17:53:35
Thanks Rachel
I think I have an awesome therapist. I just left a voice mail for her saying I'm ok with her coming out to my house. I trust her boundary setting and know this situation is one of a special circumstance. She said it is important to see each other and she thinks I wouldn't be in a place that I can drive. She's right. She said maybe we could meet at a park, or a restaurant. But I'm ok with my house after thinking about it for a few days.
LadyBug
Posted by Daisym on July 12, 2006, at 1:15:06
In reply to Re: Upcoming Therapy Concern » rubenstein, posted by LadyBug on July 10, 2006, at 19:10:20
I'm so jealous!! When I moved a few months ago, I really wanted my therapist to see my new house and how I was making it a home slowly. He suggested pictures, which worked fine. but you get to actually show off your treasures. :)
I hope all goes well with the surgery.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by LadyBug on July 12, 2006, at 14:46:54
In reply to Re: Upcoming Therapy Concern » LadyBug, posted by Daisym on July 12, 2006, at 1:15:06
I am excited for her to come over. I'm so bad, last night I went and bought some cute paper towels, different kinds of drinks that I know she likes, and some purple glasses to drink them out of. "Our" color is purple, long story, but it's my favorite color because of her. I bought a really good smelling candle to have burning. I even bought some new rugs, had my carpet cleaned, and got a new door mat to place by my front door on the outside. Is this pathetic??? I even thought about getting some new furniture. But I've decided to sit with her in my family room and that furniture is pretty new. She left me a voice mail yesterday and told me she is planning on coming out to my house so I'm planning on it too. I haven't told anyone in my family as they would probably be upset about it. They don't like her. They think all my problems are becasue of her and not that I'm trying to work on my problems with her. They don't understand therapy at all.
So thanks for the well wishes. All I want to do is sleep for 2 weeks after the surgeries! I hope I can get some rest. I've been so tired this summer. I'm looking forward for my T to come over. Darn, I wish your T would come over and see your new place!! Pictures are nice, but real life would be nice. Never in my dreams did I think she'd EVER do this for me! I'm still in shock!!! At first I didn't think I could handle it, but I'm getting over it.
Take care and thanks again.
LadyBug
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