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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fairywings on June 16, 2006, at 19:07:26
My last appt. with my T was good. I had a good week prior, but then something happened that really set me off and I didn't want to have to go through the weekend feeling this way. I've been really short with my husband, and I just can't get the cr*p out of my head.
I called to see if I could get an appt., but there was nothing. I called back and she put me on his voice mail - which they normally don't do - you usually have to go through his "gate keeper". I left a voice mail asking him if he would get me in if he had a cancellation today.
I have a LOT of trouble asking for help. It seemed to me the considerate thing to do would've been to have someone call me back either way. Is is too much to ask to acknowledge my call? Should I have specifically have had to say please have someone call me back?
I know I need to clarify with him exactly what the policy is, which hopefully I can do next week.
Any thoughts?
fw
Posted by annierose on June 16, 2006, at 21:20:57
In reply to Asking for help trigger?, posted by fairywings on June 16, 2006, at 19:07:26
I think it's difficult for many therapists to see clients the same day as they call for an appointment. And calling on a Friday would be even more difficult as lots of professionals work a shorter day on Fridays. I'm sorry he wasn't at least able to call you back and talk to you and see if he'd be able to see you on Monday. It's hard to ask for help I know. Remember, he isn't rejecting you, even though it might feel that way. Maybe he hasn't picked up his messages, or maybe he is out of town.
Posted by fairywings on June 17, 2006, at 13:41:37
In reply to Re: Asking for help trigger? » fairywings, posted by annierose on June 16, 2006, at 21:20:57
I didn't call Friday...I called Thursday, which is his late day - he works till 9:00. If the girl at the desk had told me the first time, he had a 7 cancel, I would've made it in time, but she didn't tell me that.
I wouldn't be upset if I'd called and wanted in the same day. I know that's almost impossible. Part of what pisses me off is HE doesn't call back. IF you get a call, it's an asst. or office staff. I know he's busy and when his day is over he'd like to go home, but I"ve only called twice in 10 months. I'm just glad when I call my pdoc with a problem, he calls back the same day.
I don't know if my T checks his messages or his asst. does. I'm hoping his asst does, so I don't have to be mad at him, but it's on his phone - so I'd guess he checks them. I know it's not a rejection, but it feels like it. I know he's not out of town, so there's no excuse for him not to have someone return my call. I guess I just had to spell things out exactly.
Thanks for trying to help, but I'm pissed and need to get more rational before next week. I don't want to go in angry...that won't get us anywhere.
fw
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2006, at 16:40:44
In reply to Re: Asking for help trigger? » annierose, posted by fairywings on June 17, 2006, at 13:41:37
Hi Fairywings,
I hate it when it feels like they abandoned us. How dare them, don't they know we need them so much?
I know with my T I HAVE to tell him to call me back if I want a return call. If I don't tell him that exactly, he usually messes up. I can call him in total distress and he won't call unless I say to . I hate the darn therapy rules. The big pigs. (no offense to pigs) Man, do I need some ice cream.
Posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 17:28:58
In reply to Asking for help trigger?, posted by fairywings on June 16, 2006, at 19:07:26
My therapist almost never calls me back unless I ask him to. So I've learned to be very specific. In fact I'm extra specific. I say what I will consider his not calling back to mean (in terms of appointments, etc.) as well as what I'd like him to do (in terms of calling me back). That's the only way to get what you want. Otherwise they seem to think that all calls are for information purposes only.
Do I think it's right? No. In my work, I always call if I can or can't make a proposed appointment, and wouldn't consider doing otherwise.
Posted by fairywings on June 17, 2006, at 23:11:26
In reply to Re: Asking for help trigger? » fairywings, posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 17:28:58
Thanks dinah and hf,
my guess is he'd tell me I'd have to be explicit if I expected someone to call me back because I said I wanted an appt IF someone cancelled - and didn't ask someone to call me.
I guess it really bothers me that HE won't call back no matter what - even if I ask him to. I don't know why it's got my pants all in a bunch, but it does.
Sometimes I hate therapy, and wish I could get out of it w/o feeling an oz. hurt.
fw
Posted by Daisym on June 17, 2006, at 23:31:49
In reply to Re: Asking for help trigger?, posted by fairywings on June 17, 2006, at 23:11:26
My guess is that your pants are in a bunch because you need him...right now, not next week. And that is totally understandable. This is one of those stupid therapy things that I believe the psychological community has all wrong. Nobody really learns when they are distressed...they learn when they feel safe. Doesn't anybody study Maslow anymore?!! Imagine how much trust and safety you would create if you got a distressed message and you called back and said, "you sound so upset. I'm sorry I can't get you in and I only have a minute right now, so we can't really process what is going on, but maybe we can touch base tomorrow? Until then, can you write it down for me? (or do whatever else might help you hold it.) But even though I'm short on time, I still wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and sending you good thoughts."
I mean really, how hard is that? I know we are suppose to be learning to ask for what we need/want but we are also people who are polite and don't want to intrude either. So how about a little credit for that?! (And it makes me insane that therapists will interpret being late a thousand different ways and read into it, but they won't read into a phone call?!)
Ok -- enough ranting. I'm thankful once again that my therapist is good on the phone and not only calls back, but sometimes calls first.
In the meantime, hang in there. We are here for you.
Posted by fairywings on June 18, 2006, at 12:50:00
In reply to Re: Asking for help trigger? » fairywings, posted by Daisym on June 17, 2006, at 23:31:49
Thanks Daisy,
You made me feel so much better.....where do I send your fee?! ; )
Seriously, it would be nice if he'd call back. I'm not sure I can tell him - I'm not sure why, maybe I'll feel rejected, maybe if he says he's too busy to call everyone back who calls I'll get mad. I think i'll tell him I can count on my online friends for support when I can't see him or count on my husband. (jab!)
I really felt like I couldn't make it through the weekend, and it's been a totally sucky weekend. Now I'll go have a good cry while my family is gone.
thanks, I appreciate the support.
fw
Posted by Poet on June 18, 2006, at 13:01:42
In reply to Asking for help trigger?, posted by fairywings on June 16, 2006, at 19:07:26
Hi Fairywings,
I hate asking for help. I called my T last week and she answered the phone. I said, *hang up so I can leave you a message.* I always feel like I'm bothering her even though as she pointed out I rarely call her between sessions and when I do it's because I really need to talk to her.
You've called your T twice in 10 months. That is not pestering him. He should have called you back. If he's out of town his voicemail should have said he's unavailable until a certain date. That's professional courtesy.
Definitely get clarification of his policy on calls and urgent sessions.
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2006, at 15:17:19
In reply to Re: Asking for help trigger? » fairywings, posted by Poet on June 18, 2006, at 13:01:42
I agree with others, getting clarification is good, and being specific in your message (who can do that when upset, though?) is helpful.
But..I also wanted to say, Good for you! for asking for help. I am terrible at that. I seldom ask for help and then I wind up in a bigger hole. Good for you for reaching out that way. I'm sorry it's because of distress, but it's a very good and healthy thing to do to reach out. I'm sorry you didn't get a hand reaching back right away. But you reached. That's good. :)
gg
Posted by fairywings on June 18, 2006, at 23:57:16
In reply to Re: Asking for help trigger? » fairywings, posted by Poet on June 18, 2006, at 13:01:42
Poet you're so funny - wish I had your quick wit! ; ) I would have hung up, never would have SAID hang up so I can leave you a message! LOL
GG and Poet.....
Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. Now, to top it all off I have sores in my mouth and I'm on lamictal.....NOT a good sign. I sure as heck my pdoc calls me back asap! Hope I'm not freaking dying!fw
Posted by Dinah on June 19, 2006, at 1:01:27
In reply to Re: Asking for help trigger? » fairywings, posted by Poet on June 18, 2006, at 13:01:42
I've been known to do that. :) My therapist thinks it's hilarious, but he goes along with it.
Posted by Poet on June 20, 2006, at 9:12:41
In reply to Re: Asking for help trigger? » Poet, posted by Dinah on June 19, 2006, at 1:01:27
Hi Dinah,
My T just laughs and says you are so silly. Not in a mean way, in a, you're just being Poet and that's okay way.
Poet
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